SG Fairy

The day I got out into civilisation after a week at home

2009-11-15T21:12:00.003+08:00

Because of some totally screwed up napping time, I got up at 9-plus Saturday night. Hence, I spent a lot of time tossing and turning in bed from about 2am to, I think, 6am :P

When my alarm clock went off, I seriously contemplated staying in bed, and home. But nah... I had had about 6 hours' decent sleep, and it's never a good idea to sleep in too late when you've to go to work at a normal time the next day. So I got my butt out of bed, showered, decided to go a little goth and laid on the eyeliner, and finally, styled my hair :P Figured it's about the right length for that now... if I didn't use hair wax, my hair would be all over the place. And if I may say so myself, I thought I looked quite decent after the wax was applied.

Headed off to church (yes, I do go to church, so you can stop gaping at me in shock), and was very glad I went.. had a great time. By the time we finished, it was 5-plus.. and I went down to Tampines to run an errand. Then, maybe it was because I had been home all week, but I thought, "let's just spend some time out for a bit, instead of heading straight home."

Having missed out on a business trip to Jakarta, I decided I should compensate with Nasi Padang at the food court, lol. Not fantastic, but decent nonetheless... then I walked around a bit. As usual, I ended up in the supermarket (I love window shopping there!).. and basically strolled around... went to Watson (another favourite for window shopping) - I've decided that I do not mind getting Christmas presents from Watsons as long as it's the toiletries and makeup sets that I like.. some of them are soooo pretty, and just look so delicious.. I was doing tons of mental shopping! (that's when you imagine cash's not an issue, and you start picking all the things you like)

Having 'shopped' my fill, I thought i should reward myself for not having spent any money this week, and so I bought my favourite Famous Amos soft cookie.. it's heavenly! There's this thing about pastries and chocolate that makes me go weak in the knees... I don't even need sex.. just good dessert and chocolate. Lol.

I was debating whether to walk a little more when I spotted some girls who were/are friends of a very old ex-boyfriend. There's nothing between the ex and me now.. we haven't really communicated for ages even though we're fb friends, but somehow, I just didn't want to be spotted and have to go through the whole "Hi! How are you? Long time no see! What are you doing now?" and blah blah blah... let's face it, if you really cared about a person, you would make the effort to stay in touch; And so you don't really care how the person is doing; it's just you've been told that's what adults say to each other when they meet.

So anyway, I figured that was my cue to leave... so on to the train back, and then I got myself bubble tea to keep me company on my walk home. Now I normally walk the 25-30 minutes home every evening after work. But maybe it was because the only walking I had been doing all week was between bedroom-kitchen-toilet, for by the time I was halfway through my walk, I was mentally asking myself: "are we there yet?"

** I'm watching the news while blogging, and noticed that the Philippines President is very short. She shouldn't stand next to PM Lee - she doesn't even come up to his shoulders! Oh, and the Thai PM speaks very nice-sounding English**

So anyway, all in all, a nice Sunday.. wonderful to be out, seeing people, looking at some Christmas decorations.... either that, or I had really been cooped up at home too long :P and I suspect that's the real sad reason, lol.

I also got the NTUC Christmas catalog... it's one of the things I enjoy most about Christmas, supermarket catalogs! Lol, I like to look at the food, how the decorations were done, etc. Sigh, I'm so auntie sometimes I scare myself.

** PM Lee looks like shit.. no, seriously, you look at the press conference, he looks so worn out. And on that same note, Ho Ching looks terrible too.. please, assign a stylist to her for official meetings, please!**

I want to go and get more catalogs, especially from Jason's and Cold Storage, because they are usually very nice. NTUC's catalog this year was quite disappointing - their logcakes looked so plain, even I could have done a better job (and I'm not that great with my log cakes either!) And I'm thinking of signing up for some courses at Phoon Huat - Christmas baking stuff like gingerbread house building, log cakes etc... I really want to try doing a gingerbread house this year! Been meaning to for a while now.. or even gingerbread men! And I've always wanted to try my hand at cake decoration, coz it just seems very fun! Lol.. gosh, how auntie do I sound?

** Apparently the First Ladies went to the Singapore Flyer today... just imagine what would have happened if the Flyer got stuck like it did the last time!***

Christmas really is on the way, isn't it? I want to go to Orchard Road.. I'm thinking of taking a nice, long slow walk from Tanglin Mall all the way down to Raffles City, and with the weather so nice and cool these days, I think it'll be fun, not to mention a great workout!

*** Oohhh... another rally by the Thai Yellow Shirts.. was thinking of going to Bangkok soon actually. Think that'll drive prices down? Oh please let it!***

Anyway, that's it from me... I hope I'll be able to sleep by 1am tonight.. got a long day tomorrow. Hope next week will be a good one... hope it'll be great for you too :)

Ta for now!

2009-11-14T16:14:00.002+08:00

Well ok, so I haven't been blogging for a while, but I've been busy, and let's just leave it at that.

Been in a very weird mood lately, I don't quite know how to explain it. It's just one of those things, you know... I think I have to resign myself to the fact that I'll always get into those mood now and again, and as long as I can still function (depending on your definition of 'function'), that's cool. At least I don't need to be on prozac.. which is such a great pill by the way, even better than valium.

Anyway... I'm just rambling on... think I've been cooped up at home for far too long.

I need a life :P

Are you excited about Obama being in Singapore tonight? I am.. And this APEC, I think it's a great honor for this little red dot - tiny but significant.

Feel like singing the national anthem now, lol.

Anyway, I just needed somewhere to, I dun know, 'talk' a bit... catch you later!

2009-11-03T13:01:00.002+08:00

Ever had one of those days when everything seems so wrong your brain wonders if it should explode or just give up? When your heart feels like lead, sunk down to some dark gloomy depth inside you? When you just feel so lost? When you even start longing for the feeling of release you know you can get from 'playing the violin'?

Ya... me too.

Help me, God.

The Importance of Hugging

2009-11-01T16:17:00.003+08:00

Spent the night in KL on Friday and of course I went to check Zouk KL out. I've heard so much about it, how it's better than the original one in Zouk (which I don't really like anyway), how there's lots of drugs around (exciting mah!) and so on. So ya, I went to Zouk KL.

It's really like the one in Singapore in that you have Pleasure Dome, Phuture, and Velvet Underground. We thought the music in Phuture was the best, but apparently so did everyone else and there weren't any tables around by the time we got there near midnight. So we went to Velvet which was also quite good, managed to get a table, and got our bottle opened. What I found really interesting was the tvs around the dance floor, showing the mtvs of the songs being played.. if you're damn bored, there's always that to watch.

But it's much much better than Zouk SG (I think I'm just prejudiced against the mambo dancers and the shitty bartenders and their crappy diluted drinks). The clubbers really dressed up. Guys would probably like the place coz the girls were really slutty-looking, and seemed real easy to pick up :P

But anyway... the reason I brought Zouk up is because I noticed while there that there was a lot of hugging going on. I'm not talking about the hugs in dark corners - it's the hugs when friends meet, chilling around and just giving a quick hug now and again.. there was a lot of physical contact in a friendly non-sexual way.

And it reminded me a lot of Brazil, and how the people I saw in Sao Paulo were always hugging, arms over shoulders/ around waists, a touch on the arm to emphasize a point, and so on. And beyond all the food, drinks, etc, that was what I had enjoyed most about Brazil: that I was being touched a lot.

Oh, stop those polluted dirty thoughts now!

It's scientifically proven that hugs (physical contact in general) are good for one's health. If you don't know yet, when you're emotionally/mentally down, you end up affecting your physical health (aka. stress and heart attacks, strokes etc). So it's important to keep your emotional and mental state doing pretty ok at least.

And that's why hugs are important. Stop thinking about 'hugs-kiss-foreplay-sex'. Not all hugs have to lead towards that direction, you know, and it's sad that so many people think of physical contact in that manner. A hug shows that you care; more importantly, it shows someone that he/she is being cared for, is significant enough to be getting a hug, is not some speck of dust unworthy of the slightest body contact.

Just think about it: when was the last time you were hugged in an entirely non-sexual way? When was the last time you hugged a friend? Or for that matter, your family? Think about the time a friend hugged you.. how did that make you feel?

I used to get hugs from friends back in uni. I'm not sure if it was just coz it was the in-trend, that people thought hugging someone you bumped into seemed the grown-up thing to do (of course we undergrads were all eager to prove we were adults). But yup... I'll meet someone and there'll be a hug. After a long lunch, chatty time together, we'll go, "take care, dear!" and hug. And it was great! I felt great!

Then we all graduated, lol, and I don't get many hugs these days.. actually, I get none. And that's coz everyone's preoccupied, and we were all brought up in a culture that said body contact was only for sex, and so we worry: he/she looks sad and could probably do with a hug, but if I gave one, would he/she misinterpret and blah blah blah... how could we make something as simple as giving a hug so complicated?

I think Singapore society is in great need of that: hugs. We're so focused on getting that rat-prize at the end of that rat-race that we forget about the really important things in life.. and that has made us all cold hard bitches who behave like we've wedgies permanently stuck in our buttcrack.

We should be hugging. Nevermind if the receiver seems a little shocked, totally stunned, unable to move coz he/she is so surprised. Or if she/she steps back a little when you approach. Just grab that person, give a hug and say, "How are you? Hope everything's great!" They'll eventually come back for more.

So, have you hugged someone today? Will you hug someone today?

PS: You might find this interesting - http://www.lifepositive.com/Mind/personal-growth/hug/hug-therapy.asp

The Lily

2009-10-22T02:23:00.001+08:00

The modest Rose puts forth a thorn,
The humble Sheep a threat'ning horn;
While the Lily white shall in love delight,
Nor a thorn, nor a threat, stain a beauty bright.

- William Blake (from Songs of Experience)

There's a reason why white lilies are my absolute favourite flowers.

When Man Enters Woman

2009-10-19T00:47:00.002+08:00

I've this great book called 'Drinking, Smoking & Screwing - Great Writers on Good Times'.
Kinda self-explanatory, what the book's contents are about..
There's this really interesting poem inside that I'll like to share with you.

'When Man Enters Woman' by Anne Sexton

When man
enters woman,
like the surf biting the shore,
again and again,
and the woman opens her mouth in pleasure
and her teeth gleam
like the alphabet,
Logos appears milking a star,
and the man
inside of woman
ties a knot
so that they will
never again be separate
and the woman
climbs into a flower
and swallows its stem
and Logos appears
and unleashes their rivers.

This man,
this woman
with their double hunger,
have tried to reach through
the curtain of God
and briefly they have,
though God
in His perversity
unties the knot.

(1973)

2009-10-13T03:19:00.002+08:00

It's 3.22am, my eyes are puffy and aching, the small of my back hurts, and I still have one more bit of work to do.

God, please give me the energy to crawl out of bed later.

Gotta press on...

2009-10-11T15:56:00.000+08:00

So it's been a good nine months since I've blogged. Life just got very complicated and also, I got tired - I mean, after a day spent staring at the computer, do you really want to have to look at it again when you get home?

Lots of things have happened, some good and some bad.. it's a package. But I'm still alive and kicking and I guess there's nothing serious to complain about, especially when I'm sure there are people out there worse out. Who am I to complain about, for example, a cycling accident which has left me a scar on my right eyelid when there are people now in the Philippines fighting for their lives? Really does put things into perspective.

So why am I back? Well.. I had almost forgotten how useful a blog can be. Sometimes you don't really want to talk to anybody, yet you do need to talk - know what I mean? And that's where a blog comes in handy. I'm pretty sure I've lost all my 'followers' but I don't give a damn about that; in fact, it's better... it's my private little word again.

Of course I could have started a whole new blog but well, I've this thing about fairies.. and this blog and I have come a long way together. I'm so different now from the time I posted my first blog, and I think I'll like to continue evolving here.

I don't expect to write anything too intelligent. It could be something as meaningless as an observation about ice creams and happiness. But who cares? It's my world.

Welcome. Again.

2009-01-06T15:00:00.002+08:00

Had to be out for a little while today...

When I reached the bus stop, I decided to check out the bus routes to make sure I was at the right stop. There were two people standing right in front of the display, a man and lady about my age (or slightly older). Another lady was already trying to look at the routes, but because the couple was standing right there, totally oblivious (or plain rude), the lady had to stretch her neck to peek over their shoulders.

After that lady left, I stepped forward and said politely to the couple in English, "Excuse me. I'm sorry, but I would like to take a look at the bus routes."

The couple stepped aside for me, and as I moved to look at the display, I heard the man remark to his lady companion in urban China-Chinese (aka still understandable, without the thick accent), "She cannot speak Chinese, is it?" in a 'I-am-disgusted-at-this-Chinese-without-roots' tone; you know how some China-Chinese view us Singaporean Chinese.

I was surprised. Firstly, if you'll look at the couple, you'll think they were just extremely fair Singaporean Chinese; they didn't look Chinese-Chinese, if you know what I mean - without trying to sound the slightest bit racist.

But it didn't really matter where they were from. What really surprised me was how they expected me to speak in Chinese... that was really what got to me.

So I turned to them, smiled sweetly, and said in English, "I apologise if I have confused you. I am an ethnic Chinese and I do speak Mandarin, but this is NOT China.

"This IS Singapore."

Then I turned back to the board.

They were still looking shocked when I walked away from the board.

Ahh... so sweet, such a wonderful feeling... to stick one up them.

It's the new year...

2009-01-02T13:37:00.001+08:00

... and I'm not quite sure how to approach it.

New year, new beginnings... my pastor said that this will be the acceptable year of the Lord, and I gave a resounding 'Amen!' to that.. because, well, we all want happiness and good things in life, don't we?

My last 2 weeks of 2008 were extremely busy ones, what with all the festive celebrations. I counted down to the new year watching television... which kinda makes you wonder what the whole fuss over the new year is about.

It is really more symbolic than anything else, isn't it? For people who have had a shitty year to convince themselves that they now have a clean slate to work with, to hopefully have something better. Whatever the worst cynic on earth may say, we all hope for better things to come.

For myself, 2008 was.. interesting. So much happened, some good, some bad... and I'll like to think that I ended 2008, while not necessarily a better person, but at least wiser.

Like most people, I hope for lots of things this 2009.... and I'm reminded that this new year, I'll be a year older (like, duh!), with less time to fulfill some of my life's dreams. I can't help wondering if people have dreams just because, well, they just want to keep day-dreaming... what do you think?

One thing's for sure.. I'll be more organized this year, lol. He's back and He gave me three Christmas presents: Belle de Jour's second novel (I had been following her blog, and the TV series), the Beedle the Bard book and a Filofax organizer complete with a cute pen (He saw in my blog!)

Happy camper... :) now I'm just waiting for Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food; that's the other thing I really wanted on my Christmas list. I'll accept belated Christmas presents!

Anyway... I'm done with my rambling... to all of you out there, I wish you a fulfilling 2009 :)

2008-12-23T10:42:00.003+08:00

All I really want for Christmas is for Him to be back...

Ya, I'm in that kind of mood.

I think it might have been a mistake to go for a short holiday just before Christmas... because now, I'm not liking being home, lol. I wanna go away for Christmas, somewhere nice and quiet, preferably with snow, a real fireplace, chestnuts roasting in it, a couple of bottles of really good wine by the side.

But of course even if I had the opportunity, I'll pass on it. Why? Because there's a family gathering and home could do with the extra pair of hands. There's no real good way of saying it without making myself sound like shit, but I'll do it coz it's my obligation - and we all know that Chinese kids are big on family obligations - well, at least my generation and those before; kids today are all CRAP.
It's not so much that I don't love/enjoy helping the family, I do. But, it's not like a, 'jump for joy' sort of thing.. do you understand what I'm saying?

Sigh.. I don't feel like working today... but that's too much to do; I was working at too leisurely a pace throughout the month coz at the back of my mind I kept thinking, "oh, there's time." I didn't get the memo informing me that this December would fly by in a flash.

It's crappy that we've crashed out and don't have a shot at the Finals. But my dear Lions, I'm not like other SG fans... you still have my love.

Genting was ok... the theme park was loads of fun and I'm glad we went to it coz I'm not getting any younger; only have this many years left to take thrilling rides without getting a heart attack. I even found guts I never knew I had to take a ride that was just, woah! In the past, when I saw similar rides, I'll be like, "never will I try it! not a chance!" But last Friday, I did *big grin*

I do suspect that my sis spiked something I consumed though... because, to tell the truth, it hadn't been a case of me finding the guts to do it. We had been out all day, and it was late afternoon, and I was tired and stoned out... you know, like really blur. And coz I was so stoned, I basically let myself get dragged along for that ride. When I finally realized what I was in for, it was too late: I was already like, 15 floors above ground. I can still remember the fear.

It was also enjoyable, hanging out with the guys when they joined us the next day. It was like, and excuse me for sounding so old, the old days, when you actually had time to hang out. We also visited a R&B club at Genting both nights we were there; it's good to know I can still dance - it's been ages since I last stepped into a club coz let's face it, SG clubs are shit. My sis and I agreed that people in SG go to clubs to look good, and not to just simply have fun. The entire concept of 'fun' does not exist in Singaporeans' clubbing guide; they only know how to show off. But in Malaysia, it was all about chilling out, just enjoying yourself. And that made a great difference to the atmosphere and my experience.

And it's also good to know I can still catch the eye of the opposite sex, lol, even in just normal boring tee and jeans; we hadn't planned on clubbing in Genting. It's the whole game, you know, that's so much fun... when girls club, they can enjoy themselves as much as they want, but they also have to be alert, on the look-out of guys who seem interested in them. Then you do an assessment, ask yourself if you wanna play along or you don't like them at all. If it's a green light, you flirt back from across the dance floor with your body movements, the looks etc. If not, you avoid their eye as much as possible. Then of course, you have to keep a constant eye on your drinks and your friends to make sure they're not getting taken advantage of. Bet you guys never knew how much stuff girls have to do while clubbing.

Now that I think of it, even if some guy had asked me to spend the night with him, I probably wouldn't have agreed - unless he's Mr. James Bond, coz well, who wouldn't wanna help him shake his martini? It wasn't so much coz I was having my period (what a way to start a holiday!) but coz I was only interested in the game... the flirting is the exciting bit, trying to see how much you can entice someone. But once you've hooked him, the fun ends, game over - you know you've won and that's that.

Don't look at me in disgust... you know you guys are exactly the same. Well ok, maybe a little different - you guys view the prize as being the sex, and so of course, you'll have the fuck if you can get it. I can't speak for every female, but for me, the prize is getting the "I find you so sexy I wanna fuck you" pick-up line. Once I get it, that's my prize, so thank you very much, you can go away now. Oh I'm sorry if you thought I wanted to screw you... no, I just wanted to know if I could get you to want to fuck me. The "huh? I though she wanted me?!?!" look is a bonus.

I'm an evil woman, hear me roar.

It's the game, baby.

Sigh... one more week til He returns... my Christmas's been delayed by a week.

I think I'll go find myself a drink this evening, after all the last-minute Christmas shopping (wrapping paper!) and grocery shopping... anybody wanna join me?

Singapore vs Vietnam

2008-12-17T14:25:00.003+08:00

It's the AFF Suzuki Cup 2008!!!

Today's match will be in Vietnam, and the second one will take place this Sunday, 21 December.

Ticket details are as follows:

AFF Suzuki Cup Semi-Final 2nd Leg
Singapore vs Vietnam
Sunday 21 December 2008, 8.00pm
National Stadium, Singapore

Ticketing Details
Grandstand: S$10
Gallery (Adults): S$6
Gallery (Students): S$2 (While Stocks Last) (For Secondary School, Junior College and ITE Students only. Students must display valid ID for entry to Stadium)

FREE Entry for Primary School Students and Below (Gallery only. Students must display valid ID for entry to Stadium)

Sale Dates:
Tuesday 16 December to Friday 19 December
1.00pm to 8.00pm
South Gate, Jalan Besar Stadium

NO SALE on Saturday 20 December

Match Day (Sunday 21 December)
East and West Entrances, National Stadium
5.00pm onwards

---

I wish I could go... but I'm off to Genting, taking the coach up tml night; coach leaves Genting on Sunday at 2pm... and I'm not confident I'll make it back in time.

I really hope we'll win!

It's the season to go crazy

2008-12-16T12:41:00.003+08:00

I do enjoy Christmas... really, I do. The atmosphere, the carols, the Christmas deco (though this year's Orchard Rd deco sucks).. makes you feel warm and fuzzy all over.

But besides the whole warmth loving feeling, Christmas also makes me melancholy, and dare I say, even a little depressed. I know it sounds weird, the dual, totally opposite feelings it can create, but that's the SgFairy for you. Just something about Christmas makes me feel, I dun know, lonely? And I don't like to hear Christmas love songs... lol. Maybe it's coz not-so-nice things have happened in some of my past Christmases.

I've been very busy this month.. time seems to fly by too fast. There's just been too many things to do. Besides work, there's been the Christmas stuff like shopping for presents, and the cooking/baking experiments for Christmas dinner etc. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the festive preparations, but they are tiring.

And I've been nursing this sore left shoulder for what now seems like forever. It's really irritating, and to top it off, some serious hard dough kneading I did over the weekend has now earned me an ache at my right shoulder joint; I can't suddenly move my right arm to reach for something behind me.

Yes I'm whining... every girl needs a complaint outlet; whichever female tells you otherwise is lying.

My Christmas shopping is almost done... there's this present I'm still making (with only a week left!) and one other person for whom I'm having lots of difficulty shopping for - what do you get for someone who has almost everything? :P

The bad thing about Christmas shopping is that you also end up seeing things you'll like for yourself. But because I'm no millionaire, I can't be buying stuff for myself just like that. And I would rather give things to loved ones than get myself stuff; I love giving. But still, sigh... how frustrating.

If Santa's for real, then I hope he'll give me all of the following this year:

1) Bobbi Brown or The Body Shop make-up kit (enough to fill a whole make-up bag, the big professional type of bag)

2) Perfume (coz I've run out... Oceanus, thank you very much, Santa!)

3) A nice big bag (I saw one at Charles & Keith that's heavenly.. another at Guess that's so pretty, and a few in Raffles City Shopping Center basement... ok, so that's more than one bag... hmm)

4) The cookbook 'Jamie's Ministry of Food' by Jamie Oliver

5) The cookbook 'How to cook everything' by Mark Bittman

6) 'Tales of Beedle the Bard' by J.K. Rowling (A must for the Harry Potter fan in me!)

7) 'The Assault on Reason' by Al Gore

8) A driving license (we are pretending Santa is real, so might as well take it all the way)

8) IKEA voucher (I need a new study desk and frames for the prints I got from Japan)

9) An Filofax organiser (can't decide b/w the ranges: brown Cuban Zip, spring green Botanic, orange Graphic Zip, and the very very very pretty but outrageously expensive ebony and ivory Deco)

So Santa, please please please, I've been a very good girl this year... well, I guess that depends on how you'll define 'good', lol... but yes, a very good girl.

You know.. that exercise actually felt good.. I feel like I've actually bought all of the above already... hehehe... nothing like self delusion.

I do have to get an organizer soon though... ridiculous how costly they are these days... you have to pay to be organised!

Sigh... back to work now, I guess.

Miss Him...

"Duck, Bush, Duck!"

2008-12-15T11:35:00.001+08:00

During a press conference, when Bush made a surprise visit to Iraq, a journalist threw his shoes at him.

See story and video here.

Well, at least we know Bush's reflexes are not too bad.

2008-12-01T17:04:00.003+08:00

Yes, I am alive.

Just been sooooooooooooo busy since Tokyo; it's been a crazy few weeks.

I felt like a hamster on a wheel... wake up, bathe, go work, work, go drink, go home, spend time being a daughter, bathe sleep... and so on (with multiple inserts for smoking). Day in, day out it's been the same routine.. so much so that you start to wonder: is this what's going happen for the rest of my life?

Can just imagine what they'll put on my tombstone: 'She came, she worked, she died.'

I lead a pathetic life.

And now he's gone, for an ENTIRE month - when I next see Him, it'll be a new year. So it seems like I'll be at the same routine, just well, at the same routine alone.

I mean, I actually spent ALL of today working - I only went into Facebook ONCE *pat self on back*

The thought of this day repeating itself throughout December is kinda depressing. It's December: holiday month, Christmas carols, twinkling lights, bells and the like... I'm supposed to be merry.

But then again, I've always been very melancholy during the Christmas season - you feel all warm and fuzzy, but at the same time, you feel.. I don't know, subdued.

Anyway, there's a Genting trip coming up, just the weekend away, so that's something to look forward to. And I intend to try my hand at baking and building a gingerbread house (how domesticated!) plus visit Southern Ridge, the Zoo, National Museum, Marine Barrage, and maybe a day on the beach in Sentosa.

If I do actually go to those places, it'll be a miracle.

I've been thinking of drinks.. but you'll think that with this recession the prices of a serious vodka would drop.

Sheesh.

I'm whining, I know... blame Him for being away.

Back in hot humid SG

2008-10-16T12:42:00.002+08:00

Just a short post to let you know I'm back...

Tokyo was just fantastic.. it's now officially one of my favourite cities, and I feel almost guilty for saying this, but apart from the infrastructure etc, the main reason why I like that city a lot is because of its people, culture, and way of living.

SG's not a very good place to live in, beyond the "it's so safe I can walk around at 3am in the morning!" bit. But, this is still home no matter what.

Some pics to come soon (I hope!) I've lots of work from the trip to follow up on, plus I'm really very exhausted. My dark circles and eye bags totally depress me.

Ta!

Off to Tokyo!

2008-10-02T19:45:00.001+08:00

I'm off to Tokyo tomorrow... bloody 6am flight...

Going for an exhibition...

Be back in about 2 weeks... take care folks!

In Memory: Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam (1926 - 2008)

2008-09-30T13:38:00.002+08:00

Mr Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam, more affectionately (or not!) known as JBJ, passed away due to heart failure at 1.30am today.

Channelnewsasia covered it here.

Say what you want about him, but I have admiration for the man for having beliefs, and for following his heart, in his desire for a better country for Singapore. No other motives.. just the welfare of his fellow countrymen (unlike some other so-called 'politican' I know!).

Even at 82 years of age, he was still working - his last 'political action' (for want of a better phrase) was the filing of a class action lawsuit re the decision not to hold by-elections for the Jurong GRC Bukit Batok GRC.

He spent 1 1/2hrs meeting residents in three blocks in Bukit Batok and collected 39 signatories.

Of course there was talk over whether or not JBJ had a strong case, by basing his argument on Article 49(1) of the Constitution. The application was supposed to be heard on 15 Oct - don't know what's going to happen now.

His Reform Party was just approved by the Registry of Societies on 18 June 2008.

And I've seen the man selling his book 'Make it Right for Singapore' - a book with his parliamentary speeches from 1997 to 2000 - outside Centrepoint.

And who can forget JBJ winning the Anson seat in 1981, and later again in 1984 - the first Opposition politician to win a parliamentary seat in Singapore... paving the way for others.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not totally pro-Opposition, and neither am I totally pro-PAP. I don't care whether you're a PAP member or from an opposition party - I only care about how well you can serve me.
I didn't agree with all of JBJ's political beliefs and proposed policies - but I still respected the man because he did sincerely care.

I salute you, Mr Jeyaretnam.. and I hope you're enjoying heaven now.

In Memory: Paul Newman (1925 - 2008)

2008-09-28T02:26:00.002+08:00

It's kinda morbid... my second last post was also about a death from cancer.

Now, screen legend Paul Newman has also died because of the wicked cancer, aged 83.

I heard that there was a very good actor called Paul Newman when I was a little girl, but that was pretty much all I knew... until I watched Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid.

Both Paul Newman and Robert Redford were so good in it... and I was totally taken with Newman, lol, he and his beautiful blue eyes.

And so we've lost another great talent... sigh.

As usual, I went looking in YouTube for something... BBC has quite a nice video, but I wanted more.

This was nice:

And then I found this, the trailer!

Paul Newman, rest in peace.

The 1st US Presidential Debate

2008-09-27T18:10:00.003+08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7639070.stm

Ok, so McCain is older and more experienced (and believe me when I say I've liked the man ever since I saw him on the Daily Show)... but to me, knowing how things have always been and how they've always been tackled just means that we'll have more of the same George Bush shit we've been having for the past 8 years.

Obama actually seems to be getting better and better... especially from the time he said “It is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once.”

Obama debate quotes:
"You said that we were going to be greeted as liberators. You were wrong. You said that there was no history of violence between Shia and Sunni. And you were wrong."
- Obama's capable of delivering punchshots

"We have seen Afghanistan worsen, deteriorate. We need more troops there. We need more resources there. Senator McCain, in the rush to go into Iraq, said, you know what? We've been successful in Afghanistan. There is nobody who can pose a threat to us there.

This is a time when bin Laden was still out, and now they've reconstituted themselves. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates himself acknowledges the war on terrorism started in Afghanistan and it needs to end there."
- Oh thank God someone's remembered the whole 'War on Terror' should really be in Afghanistan.

McCain debate quotes:
"And I want to tell you that now that we will succeed and our troops will come home, and not in defeat, that we will see a stable ally in the region and a fledgling democracy."
- Just by looking at that statement, you wouldn't think he's talking about Iraq... 'fledgling democracy' indeed!

"And this strategy, and this general, they are winning. Senator Obama refuses to acknowledge that we are winning in Iraq.

They've just passed an election law just in the last few days. There is social, economic progress, and a strategy, a strategy of going into an area, clearing and holding, and the people of the country then become allied with you. They inform on the bad guys. And peace comes to the country, and prosperity.

That's what's happening in Iraq, and it wasn't a tactic."
- If he says so...

"First of all, I won't repeat the mistake that I regret enormously, and that is, after we were able to help the Afghan freedom fighters and drive the Russians out of Afghanistan, we basically washed our hands of the region."
- I liked that he acknowledged that.

Ok... to be fair,if you look just at the debate performance, then McCain's more suave (in my opinion at least), but he's reminding me more and more that he is, no matter what, a Republican.

And I don't really agree with them.

In Memory: Richard Wright (1943 - 2008)

2008-09-16T11:17:00.002+08:00

Wish You Were Here.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue skies from Pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail ?
A smile from a veil ?
Do you think you can tell
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts ?
Hot ashes for trees ?
Hot air for a cool breeze ?
Cold comfort for chains ?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found ?
The same old fears
Wish you were here

***

Founding Pink Floyd member Richard Wright has died of cancer at age 65.

See here.

I know there's a lot of other shit happening in the world, and normally I would have loved to pounce on the topics of Malaysian politics (ISA, anyone?), US politics (Palin is overrated), SG society (Gold, baby!) and various other things.... but I've not been my usual eloquent self of late, so screw off.

Better to mourn the death of someone who was involved in one of my absolute favorite songs.

And one cannot forget this too:

Oh well... life's a bitch, and then you die.

R.I.P.

Books Meme

2008-09-02T17:57:00.005+08:00

Saw this in Expat@Large's blog.

And coz I've got to satisfy my inner geek, I'm doing it... anyway, it's quite fun.

****

From People's Republic of Tung Chung:

"The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed.”

And so here’s the list, complete with the following instructions:

* Look at the list and embolden those you have read.
* Italicise those you intend to read.
* Underline the books you LOVE.
* Reprint this list in your own blog.

(Coz I'm having problems with html, I'll just type notes in)

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (Love it!)
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (Love it!)
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (Love it!)
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (well, most of it anyway)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (Love it!)
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott (Love it!)
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (Some of his plays - love them)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (found it very boring!)
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (boring!)
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen (Love it!)
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding (Love it!)
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (Love it!)
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’ Diary - Helen Fielding (does watching the movie count?)
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (Love it!)
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker (Love it!)
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Love it!)
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad (half read it. HE likes Conrad, I don't particularly fancy the man)
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (Love it!)
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas (Love it!)
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I've realised that I've read every single Jane Austen book in this list.. lol, what can I say? I love that woman... did marvelously for her during my A-Level Lit. My tutor said it's coz I'm very much like Austen's protagonists that I appreciate her work :P

Read a number of Charles Dickens too when I was a kid... great guy.

By the way, since my birthday (very soon!) and Christmas (being considerate by giving you advanced notice) are around the corner, the italicised books will serve as my 'GiftS Wish List'.

Plus:
(a) How to Cook Everything (available at Kinokuniya)
(b) Agatha Christie's mystery novels (I'm collecting her books; contact me to find out what books I still lack ;) )

Please feel free to get me one or more of the books indicated above. I INSIST

A Muay Thai of some sorts

2008-08-30T16:04:00.003+08:00

I read the story about the situation in Thailand now.. the political situation... and I felt a sudden knot in my stomach.

I was surprised; I actually was grieved by what I was reading. I thought, "How could Thailand, Bangkok, reach this stage?"

It's no longer just about camping on the grounds of Government House. You have airports outside of Bangkok getting closed down, a report about the union leader of Thai Airways calling for its 15,000 members to go on strike to show their support with PAD, and so on.

And you know what the really ironic thing is? PAD is doing all this because they want Samak (the current PM) to resign as they believe that he is the proxy for Thaksin... it's all about the abuse of power, PAD says.

BUT what they have failed to added is that even if Samak resigns, the protests will continue as long as PAD is not placed in power of the government. It's not about, "Oh, if Samak resigns, we'll go away and not disturb everyone in the future." No, there will be more demands for more changes in government, and perhaps even in the army leadership.

That's how PAD defines a good government = a PAD-led government.

And that's what is really really sad about all this. It's not about democracy.. oh please, if you believe that then you're vey naive... it's all about the power struggle. And the people (ie. the common people actually protesting) let themselves get dragged around like that in this sick game. The common people may have real concerns, a real desire to have some form of change... but unfortunately for them, it's a case of "different actors, same story plot".

What PAD is doing is not even civil disobedience at all, because innocent people are being harmed, not being able to work (eg. invasion of TV station etc). Maybe back when they were trying to get rid of Thaksin, they were a credible group fighting for genuine change. But this time, they have crossed the line.

The fact that they have broke into the office of Samak coz the PAD leaders wanna use it, indicates that this is just about wanting power, not democracy.

So sad... this whole thing will never end.

Interesting quote in the Bangkok Post... an academic political scientist, Thitinan Pongsudhirak, director of the Institute of Security and International Studies at Chulalongkorn University, said this:
"If the PAD succeeds in ousting Samak, it will be a huge setback for Thai democracy," Prof Thitinan said. "It will be the crowning success for the right-wing conservative contingent who are against election-based democracy."

Never really saw it that way.. right-wing conservatives... hmm.. the Professor has a point there.

Oh, and from that same article, there was this:
PAD leaders, such as retired Maj-Gen Chamlong Srimuang, have said the Thai electorate is too uneducated to vote in honest politicians and continues to sell its votes to the highest bidders.

So who educates the electorate?

I really wonder how much royal backing PAD has...

Sigh.. dear Thailand, you have been so good to me... I hope things get better for you.

2008-08-23T01:19:00.001+08:00

head hurts.. sleep.

don't expect much for a while.

2008-08-21T13:04:00.002+08:00

Just sharing an interesting read.

Extract:
So Mote will stand before the freshmen, implore them not to drink and threaten them with enforcement -- and then, because it's the responsible thing to do, he will tell them how to handle it when they get plastered. Which they will. But we don't want to see it, because there's a law on the books.

That's the first lecture in Cynicism 101.

Kinda like the whole 'sex abstinence VS education & protection' debate, ain't it?

As with ANYTHING, for all mentally-healthy humans, give them a little waft of a forbidden fruit, and the chances are that people will try their darnest to get hold of that sweet fruit and use it, more often than not, excessively.

It's what is known as human nature, curiosity, a natural tendency to test authority, plain stupidity, blah blah blah.

But, when nobody has to hide, there will be moderation... and safety.

2008-08-16T02:01:00.002+08:00

Conversation between two Singaporeans:

Person A:
"You damn one kind leh! People got to produce medal for you first then you say that actually hor, you like China Singaporeans a lot! No more call them 'China-people' liao hor? That's seriously damn one kind and fake lah!"

Person B:
"What to do? I'm a true-blood Singaporean what! So am like that lor, very practical one!"

Now, guess.. which individual was I? A or B? Lol...

It's one of those things you approach with mixed feelings. You remember how your grandfather (and that's not too many generations ago) came from China to Singapore... how Singapore is really in essence a migrant country. And so you think, you should be more welcoming towards the planefuls of guests we are receiving these days. That the 'foreign talent' we have are really, what your grandparents were all those years ago.

So I am proud of the table tennis ladies...

At the same time though, I can't help wishing that it was a 'true' Singaporean that got us the medal. I'm sorry I just cannot help it.

But I promise to try my very best to think only good thoughts of them... not just the sports people, but all those I encounter every day.

But really ah, come to think of it... it's really just the China people I have more difficulty accepting... Strange hor?

Free movie!!!

2008-08-12T13:12:00.003+08:00

I'm only doing this for the chance of winning a free movie ticket... ya, that's how cheapskate I am.

Wanna join me? This is what you do...

1) Cut n paste the following statement of mine (below) into your blog.

2) Follow on with your own statement, starting with "The craziest thing I have done for love is..."

3) Tag a bunch of people you know

So because I was tagged by TheDude... here's how mine goes:

(1) The craziest thing I have ever done for love, it's standing out in the rain with an umbrella waiting to catch a glimpse of this girl I had a crush on...just to ask her for her name and number. :D

...hey, I was 18 then!

Catch Wall-E in cinemas from 28 August 2008″

(ORGINATOR BLOG: http://www.peranakandude.com/)

(2) The craziest thing I have done for love is to cry over a lost one.. what a waste of tears.

Catch Wall-E in cinemas from 28 August 2008

(Blog: http://sgfairy.blogspot.com)

Tagging:
1) Ms. Jade
2) Ms. Niki
3) Ms. NIs
4) Expat@Large

Let's go to the movies!

Because it is National Day...

2008-08-09T01:12:00.002+08:00

... I would like to take some time to appreciate a man who is definitely a Singapore Icon.

In case you're wondering, no, it's not MM Lee, though he is a great man too (regardless of what the critics say). I just thought I'll take some time to appreciate someone who's often not appreciated.

I'm talking about Dick Lee, the great talent who, especially in the 80's-early 90's, didn't just just write songs, he paid attention to our local cultures, and 'reinvented' ethnic folk songs.

Although he has written songs that poke fun at our island and *cough* our government, on the whole, I think he really does love this place.

Here's a good example of his music, a national song of sorts:

Lol... I was soooo happy when I found this video... now, I'm looking for the NDP one - there was one year when Dick was creative director for the NDP, and he performed this song at the National Stadium, with a mobile ship and all. If anyone has that performance, please let me know!

At his 30th anniversay concert in 2004, Dick also sang this as his finale song with an additional stanza. As he introduced the song, he said that he was trying to create "folk songs for our future generations"... I'm glad someone is trying.

You can view that performance here.

Another video of Dick Lee's which I recently found was this... some of you may remember it:

Wasn't Jacintha Abisheganaden such a beauty? She still is one.. and I like her voice.

Now, this one... this one is just priceless:

Such a beautiful song.. when I came across it in YouTube, I was like, "Oh.My.God!!!! I can't believe there's a clip of this!"

*Giant Grin* It's just one of those songs which make you go "Awwwwww...." when you hear it.

And well, just because... remember this one? Well, at least some of you may remember the Indonesian folk song which Dick incorporated - wait for the chorus, and at 3min, you get the stanza.

Isn't this all nostagic? Lol... wait til you listen to this one.

Anyway... enjoy the fireworks this evening, people!

Only in Singapore...

2008-08-06T21:23:00.002+08:00

... can you have a whole range of languages at your disposal for something so vital to every person, something necessary for daily use.

Cursing.

I stumbled upon this video while surfing for the upcoming '12 Lotus' trailers.

Nice? Lol

I like that they included the Malay language... I guess it might have been too difficult to get the actors to curse in Tamil/Hindi.

Somehow... I felt so patriotic after watching the video... weird, no?

2008-07-29T23:13:00.003+08:00

So I was having dinner by my lonesome self near home and this place had Class95 blasting from its speakers. Now, I adore Class95 - the DJs are great, the music I love... but those of you familiar with that radio station will know that on weekday evenings, there's 'Love Songs with Yaz'; nice DJ, and the music can be really good... but tonight, I wasn't quite feeling it, if you know what I mean.

He's back.. spent the whole of last night with Him *big fat grin*, and of course, today. It was a totally marvellous 'I-haven't-seen-you-for-eternity-and-want-every-second-stuck-to-you' time, almost worth all the petty squabbles we had online while He was away. Almost.

But still tonight, I had to make my own way home, alone. So you'll understand why I wasn't embracing Class95 tonight as I normally would do .

It's like I was telling a good friend over the weekend. I went to Batam for the weekend with 3 close girl friends and stayed in a fantastic resort. While two of them were showering, the girl and I sat on the balcony and chatted... I was giving her advice (The wonder! Me, giving relationship advice!) and I told her how a relationship with someone who's already attached/married can be bittersweet. I wouldn't trade my relationship with Him for anything in the world, and I do love Him very much.. but it is a bittersweet sort of love. You can have such good times with Him, but yet at the same time, you got to be prepared for the lonely times.

Of course, I would probably feel suffocated in a normal vanilla relationship - just imagine being with the guy all the time! I need my own personal space and time, time with my own friends etc, I value that very much... so in a way, my current relationship allows me that. BUT, at the same time, there are the sacrifices, like having to make your own way home while He goes home to His own family... and that can be difficult, especially when you've got a need for His presence.

Still, I guess with every relationship, there's the pros and the cons... and with this relationship I'm in, the pros far far far far outweight the cons. Haha, happy camper reporting!

Just sitting around looking at my girl friends this weekend, girls who went the conventional route (with both good and not-so-good results), I did wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't met Him and did the conventional dating and all. And you know, I think I would most probably still be single, and just casually dating around, aka. having casual fucks. I joked with Him once that I would like to aim to get into bed with at least one individual from each country in the world. After He pointed out that it would mean sleeping with people from certain countries I don't really like, I changed my mind and said that I'll instead aim to sleep with at least one individual from each and every Caucasian country (yeah, I'm racist that way, so sue me).

But that's me. I'm happy with that, but there are those who want different things. Like I told my friend, whatever it is that you choose, it's got to be something that's true to yourself. And once you've decided, you cannot waver. If you decide to fall in love, by all means fall in love. If you decide just to have a fling, have a great fling, but maybe sure you guard your heart. And if midway the circumstances are such that you decide to change your mind and go another route, there's the green light. But this above all, you have to be true to yourself, like the great Baron himself said.

I hope she understood that... wouldn't like to see her get hurt.

I still remember how painful a break-up can be.. you never really do forget, right?

Anyway..

I'm nursing 7 mozzie bites on my left leg and TEN on the other.. I counted. Batam's mozzies just love me. But still, I had a great time with those girls. All those years ago back in sec school, I never thought it would be possible to retain some of those friendships and actually go for a break with them 12 years into the friendship.

We paid ladies to climb all over us, touch us in intimate parts of our bodies... ah,such wonderful relaxing massages. Then we ate.. and then we sat around talking, reminising over the good old songs of our childhoods. We sang songs by idols we were crazy about as youths, evergreen love songs we heard in the 80s, and even nursey songs, lol, and NDP songs. It was an interesting night of "Hey, how does this song go, you know, the one with the chorus 'I just called to say I love you..." and then slowly, we remember bits and pieces of the song til we've formed the entire thing and we start singing it.

We also had great neighbors. We took the same ferry to Batam with this bunch of people whom I think are about our age.. and then the same ferry transfer to the resort... no exchanges of words, just smiles.. and then, when we got to our resort cottage and went exploring the rooms and got out to the balcony, we saw they were put in the cottage next to ours, out on the balcony too. And so over balcony rails, we waved to each other, exchanged greetings, and as the evening progressed, we were singing along to songs we were listengin to over our iPod, while the other group sang along to songs they were listening to on the laptop they had. Lol, our other neighbors must have hated us. And as we approached midnight, a bit of tequila was even passed over to us girls from that group... as well as well-wishes for a good night's rest when that group stumbled to bed totally high.

I could just imagine our neighbors, listening to us shouting "Good night, girls!" and "Good night, guys!", thinking, "You're jolly well damn right it's night! Now shut up already!"

Then, the next day, we all found ourselves in the same ferry transfer back to the terminal to take us home. We cracked jokes about our nights... and we said our goodbyes to each other as we arrived in SG.

It was really very heart-warming... because let's face it, S'poreans are generally not very friendly to strangers, even if they are people from the same country. But I guess, we are all young people of the similar 'kuan', or type, and so it was easy. I mean, they could have greeted us, and if we weren't like them, we could have just bolted and shut ourselves up in our rooms. But coz we were like them, we understood their friendliness and could and wanted to reciprocrate.

Plus, we're all young and in our twenties.. I think it's easier when you are younger, to behave like that. Sigh... so that means I've effectively got 5 more years til I hit 30, and may by then become less open and relaxed towards strangers. So, lol, that means for these 5 years, I've got to travel even more!

Any excuse for travel!

Hopefully, we girls will go travelling together again this Oct... plus, we said we'll dress up for Halloween this year! That'll be a laugh.

But hey, girls... really, thank you for a really great weekend.

2008-07-24T14:24:00.002+08:00

Blog's been quiet this week, compared to last week when I was posting almost every single day.

I've just been very tired... and stoned. Just feel like lying down somewhere and do nothing but eat, read, watch tv... the life of a slacker.

Off for a weekend break on Saturday; am really looking forward to it. Just to be away from all that's familiar. On the agenda is seafood, spa treats, and idle chats with friends very close to my heart.

Before that though, I'm heading off to the museums on Friday night. In case you didn't know, they're doing some 'Come to the museum! It's cool and funky!' sort of crap, lol. I've always loved museums, but the thing is, museums in Singapore charge a ridiculous ticket fee (especially when they're not the Musee D'Orsay for example). But because this Friday it's free entry til 2am, I'm going there, cheapskate that I am.

You might like to head down too, and maybe we'll cross paths at one of the exhibits. It's easy to recognise me - I'm the one with the Singaporean fairy wings ;)

The whole world in their hands

2008-07-22T13:24:00.002+08:00

I came across a very interesting article today. It's a long read, but very good and I urge all of you to read it here.

I wish they'll do that in schools here. But then again, kids here are probably more keen in their video games and tv to care.

On the other hand, if we were to go, "Do this, and you'll save this amount of money which can be used to buy a game," maybe that'll speak better to the hearts of sg kids and their parents.

2008-07-16T18:04:00.002+08:00

I. Am. So. Tired.

I was bursting to put up a blog post last night while reading the papers on my way home on the train, and also had the same inspiration on my way to work this morning coz of something else in the papers.

Now, I've no energy for that sort of intellectual post.

Know what would be really really nice now? A really good loooonnnnggggg massage... especially for the small of my back - it frigging aches like hell. And my shoulders feel so stiff.

I was writing some work up just now when I suddenly looked up, and made a comment about how shitty the PR was to my handphone. As in, I actually said it out loud.

Darn, I do miss Him.

I wish they made sex dolls for women.

See... I'm rambling on..

Quite excited about tomorrow... Batman will be out! I'm not a huge Batman fan - I've watched the ones when George Clooney was the lead (coz it IS I-will-immediately-strip-for-him-if-he-wants George Cloony), the one with Catwoman and the Penguin (coz Catwoman's so sensual and sexy... and I liked her claws; Danny Devito is cute), the one with the 'old' Joker (Jack Nicholson. Enough said.. wait, He was in the same one as Catwoman right? Dun recall!), and Two-face (Tommy Lee Jones and Drew Barrymore. Enough said).

Lol.. that's almost all the previous Batman movies, right? But point is, I watched them coz of the actors/characters, and the most recent one just didn't entice me enough.

This time around, there's Heath 'I wish I knew how to quit you' Ledger. It's not just coz of Brokeback Mountain.. but that guy really was a good actor - a proper actor, not someone who became an actor just coz he's good-looking.

Gonna decide when I'm going to watch Batman... lalala

I know if I carry on further... I'll just end up typing something stupid like a nursery rhyme. So I'll end here.. gonna run some errands.

Oh, to be in Bangkok now... can just walk into any parlour for a body scrub, massage, pedicure and manicure!
I never dare walk into the Thai massage places here, no matter how 'clean' they look... coz you just never know if they wanna offer 'extra services'.
I want a proper massage, damn it!

2008-07-15T13:51:00.002+08:00

Because He is not around and I have taken to talking to myself in the office, I thought it might be healthier to blog instead - I mean, it MUST be healthier to talk to cyberspace, right?

I was so pissed last night... mum came back with her matchmaking again, and said that I should get a bf and settle down, that just because it is a trend not to be attached, I should not follow suit, and that I should be practical.

I wasn't so much pissed about her pushing me to get a normal relationship (though she was more direct than she had ever been before), but I was pissed over her words, 'trend' and 'practical'.

I was pissed that she:
(a) Thought I am supposedly single just because of some stupid trend,
(b) That I should be practical and follow the social norm of settling down; the irony being that it is also a 'trend' of some sorts.

One would have thought that by now, she would at least know me well enough to know I am supposedly single because it is my choice and that the last thing I'll ever do, is to do something coz society dictates it, or coz it's a 'trend'.

I could find some poor bugger and be bf/gf to make my mum happy - I thought about doing that years ago - but decided not to coz it's just not the way I function, and it'll be unfair to the poor bugger.

Why can't people accept that sometimes other people do certain things just because????

I was so pissed I kept quiet last night coz I didn't trust myself to speak, and if you keep quiet long enough, the topic will die a natural death.

But urgh... I know she cares, but how can a mother think the best thing for her daughter is to follow the norm?

Friends, shoot me if I ever even think about following a norm just because it is the norm, and not what I want... i mean it, just shoot me. Then you can show this blog to the police to justify your actions and not get charged for murder.

Anyway, on to more pleasant topics.

There's a thing in the Today papers about gifted kids in SG. Education Minister Ng Eng Hen said that our Gifted Program 'aims to nurture an admirable individual, one who will be an inspiration and a pillar of strength for his or her community and also a valuable global citizen'.

Reminds me of this rather huge debate in the papers/forum section some time ago about gifted kids and integrating them into 'normal' classes so they'll be more in touch with reality.

There were all sorts of letters to the forum sections in both English papers, but the ones I remember the most were the ones by students themselves from both the gifted program and 'normal' classes. And basically, both groups of students scorned each other.

Personally, I have my doubts about the integrated classes. Once you have a label on yourself as a 'gifted student', you're basically condemned by 'normal' students and you also start getting a certain bit of arrogance. It's just the way things are - don't tell me that when you were a kid, you were in total awe of the gifted ones; you would have at least participated in a joke or two about them.

Indeed, we do need all the smart people we can get... but I'm not sure just how helpful the gifted program is in making them what Mr. Ng said they should be. There should never have been separate classes, just additional classes for the gifted ones. And now, with the sort of stereotypes the gifted program has created since its start in 1984, I'm not sure things can be undone.

Just look at our scholars. Remember all the jokes about how scholars go on to work in govt departments and start implementing policies that are not at all practical because they have no idea what the real world is all about.

You can say I am stereotyping, and maybe there's some truth in that. But you also cannot deny all that I've said is false.

The sad thing is, I don't see a solution in sight... do you?

2008-07-14T12:01:00.002+08:00

So this guy whom I thought was a potential fuck buddy but whom I never got around to jumping into bed with because either (a) we've been so busy in our individual lives it's hard to find a time we can both meet, or (b) he doesn't want me coz he thinks I sleep around too much (yes, I know, the irony - he fucks around but his 'girls' can't; and I don't even have as active a sex life with multiple partners as he does, even if I somehow give that impression), is now attached.

When I saw his blog post, I thought, "Darn! No chance liao!"

Then I remembered, since when did being attached ever stop him from fooling around? After all, his relationship with his last gf ended coz she caught him sleeping around and couldn't take it.

So, lol, I still got chance.

Not that I really do want to get in bed with him... He's a master flirt (that's a compliment by the way), we've done the whole heavy petting thingy, and there's this hint that if he's that good with petting, he must also be awesome in bed. That said, I don't know... something tells me I shouldn't get in bed with him, and my female instincts have never failed me, so far - I just get this feeling that if I do so, it'll complicate our friendship and I'll lose a friend. And I treasure my friendship with him more than I want to see if I'm proven right that he's good in bed.

See, I'm not that much a senseless raging pack of hormones after all. I can think! :P

Kinda amusing... to think that when we were young and innocent during our sec sch days, someone is untouchable if he/she is married/swings the other way/attached. Now, being attached or married doesn't stop anyone from trying to get more entertainment outside the relationship.

Yet, it's also sad, isn't it? Relationships no longer hold the same sort of awe and, dare I say, respect. Of course the more sex the better, but at the same time, I wonder if that means people these days no longer have the ability for meaningful relationships.

Then again, I'm living proof that you can be in a meaningful relationship and also have the freedom to explore. But the difference is, He knows and He encourages it - as perverse as that might sound to the saintly ones.

Do I make sense?

Anyway, I might have a date this Thursday... lol, and He's only just gone. But I am looking forward to it.. I like mysteries, and ok, so I am a little horny. Maybe we'll end up in bed at some point, maybe we'll just have a wonderful meal and conversation, maybe we'll never want to see each other again. But the point is, it is the entire process of meeting, exploring the person, that is the real orgasm.

It's a shame if people think that you can only have explosive sex if you're actually doing the deed. It's fun, yes, but there's more than just the thrusting. I find, a mental fuck is even more interesting. That's why we have this term 'flirting'.

Flirting is not just about talking someone into bed. You don't have to have the person in bed in order to be considered a good flirt - that's not the prize. But rather, flirting is about being confident, being able to engage in conversation, entice that person... playing a game.

It's all about the game, really.

But beyond that... let's not even talk about flirting. Even if you can't flirt (and I don't think I'm that great a flirt, rather clumsy more like), I hope you at least know how to hold your own in a conversation with anyone. Having a meaningful conversation is just as great.

I was joking with a friend that instead of going to SDU, I'm looking for dates via my blog now. But really, to tell the truth, in spite of all I say, it's not really a DATE. It's more a social meeting between two people whom have been impressed with each other through what they write/read. And I think, if you can gain a friend of some sort through this, that's even better than having sex - though the sex is a bonus, lol. But ultimately, I don't really expect anything out of it, except a new friendship. A 'harmless' contact, as he put it.

And I might have either just succeeded in making him cancel Thursday, or got him looking forward to it.

HA.

But anyway, I'm not really thinking much about it. I'm just bored, or rather, putting off my work. I hate Mondays... I'm not very productive on Mondays.. I rather blog aimlessly.

Urgh... I should get to work though.. I really should.

But before I go...

She kept nothing for night, for the bed. It was all in the open, on view. she was indeed the queen of the whores, enacting possession at every instant of her life, even while she ate; and when she played cards, she did not sit impassive, her body deprived of sensuality, as other women would sit with their attention on the game. One felt from the pose of her body, the way her ass spread on the seat, that everything was still set for possession. Her breasts almost touched the table with their fullness. If she laughed, then it was the sexual laugh of a satisfied woman, the laugh of a body enjoying itself through every pore, being caressed by the whole world.

:) I got three more Anais Nin books not too long ago. I'm rationing them again.

I hope one day, someone would think that about it, that without being crude, I was THE very symbol of sensuality, just through the simplest of acts.

Sex in the Island

2008-07-13T17:55:00.004+08:00

Because I am such a generous person, I decided to share some sex facts I read from Cleo magazine's August issue (I dun understand why they publish the issue the month before, but anyway).

1) The largest penis on record is 33cm, or 13 inches... I just thought the ladies might like to know.
- Geez, I think the longest I ever had was, at the very very most (because I dun carry a measuring tape around in my handbag) was 10 inches... sigh.
Then again, probably not many women can take in 13 inches... though I'm sure they damn well try, lol

2) Lithyphallophobia is the fear of seeing or even thinking about an erect penis.
- If you're a female with such a problem, then lady, you seriously need help.

3) The clit has about 8,000 nerve endings, and the penis only half that amount.
- Take that, men!

4) Sex can act as an antihistamine to combat asthma and hay fever.
- Those with asthma, rejoice, there is a cure!

5) The Kamasutra says that a mixture of camel's milk and honey will keep a man erect all night.
- I should have asked Z to bring me back some camel milk from her ME trip

6) Men experience an average of 4-5 erections when asleep
- Bastards!

7) The production of oestrogen from having sex makes hair shiny and skin glow.
- I told you so... see, why spend money on facials when you can have sex AND a beauty treatment at the same time?

8) Just above the female's tailbone lies a tiny vertebra that contains the sacral nerve, which sends sensations to your nether regions. Male partners should press on the sacrum with his palms when female's lying on her stomach to stimulate the nerve endings.
- *makes note in diary* I mean, I've always enjoyed feeling male hands rub the small of my back but I never knew it was THAT useful.

9) The most pleasurable time for a woman to have sex is in the middle of the menstrual cycle because you're bursting with oestrogen and testosterone, and so extra sensitive to touch.
- I told Him that, and He didn't believe me! :P It's really, THE best time to have sex... men, just get over the blood and do it already!

10) A teaspoon of semen contains about five calories
- Ladies, tell him that the next time he wants you to swallow like Zoe Tay.

11) Dec 22 has been designated Global Orgasm Day - a day to effect change in the energy field of the earth through the input of the largest possible surge of human energy. Participants are to concentrate all their thoughts on peace during or after orgasm.
- Note the date in your organiser and do your bit for world peace!

12) Massaging a man's heel just under the ankle bone is a great way of betting his lower half tingling with sensations.
- *makes note in diary*

If you want more, go buy your own copy of Cleo... there's 100 sex facts in all.

I've been very busy... lots going on at work and elsewhere.. hence, the lack of blog posts - I've a life, you know.

He had to suddenly fly off somewhere for an emergency, might be 2-3 weeks... I'm hoping it won't be any longer than that. It's obviously a little depressing, but well, shit happens... I just try to keep His spirits up, and my own as well...

On the bright side... He gave me a ring, and slid it on a finger on my left hand.

Lol.. I was thinking, should I, or should I not blog about it?!?!?! But well, I just had to tell, you know, I just had to.

Of course, if you wanna talk about legal papers etc, there ain't any. It's a gesture, a symbol, that's all... and yet, that's not really all... it's like, saying we have something that's really, not much different, save for the legal piece of paper.

I really am very happy.

Missing Him already...

Anyway, I've lots to do while He's away... there's work (there's always work :P), then I wanna catch 'Red Cliff', head down to some museums on 25 July, finishing putting together this weekend trip some girlfriends and I have decided to go on - just a 2D/1N thing in Batam with lots of massages... and a couple of other things.

Sigh.. I hope He's doing fine..

You guys have a good week ahead.. I've so much to do, I'm contemplating leaving a couple of bottles of wine in the office... for emergencies, you understand.

2008-06-19T16:20:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder how far I should take it with this blog. I mean, this blog is anonymous, but yet I know that three girl friends read it because I told them what the url is and they are my closest friends - which means a lot since I am quite anti-social and have many contacts but few real friends (I'm weird that way).

I know one guy whose blog I follow reads mine, and has even listed me in his blog reads (I'm touched btw).. and based on what I read in his blog, I like the fellow.

Then there's one other guy who was a potential fuck buddy and that's all he's ever been, a potential... and I think he might have read my blog once in a blue moon.

Then there's Him.

And that's about it... the ones I know read my blog. I get emailed comments now and again by strangers - some nice, others downright bitchy (but who the fuck cares?).. but I don't really know who reads this blog (assuming I actually do have a number of readers).

So maybe, I can take the contents of this blog further... sexually, that is.

But, because i know my girl friends read my blog, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with them knowing too many details about my sex life. Just imagine, i blog about, for EXAMPLE, a threesome I had, and the next day I meet those friends. Will I feel embarrassed? Or worse, will they condemn me for the lifestyle I have chosen?

I'll like to think that they accept me for who I am, but then again, morals and social conventions are funny things.

I'm not pondering this issue because I'm thinking, "oohh, let's up my readership." (Though I think dear Mr Baba will enjoy such posts, lol, half his listed blog readings are kinda explicit) It's just that sometimes, I have encounters which I am just bursting to share about because they were either damn mind-blowing, or so lousy the guy in question should not be allowed to live.

And I do enjoy a spot of erotic writing now and again.

Maybe, I'll just go with the flow... write what I feel like writing. That was the whole point of this blog being anonymous after all, so I'm not constrained.

So ya.. let's start with (coz I'm itching to announce it): I had a most active evening about 1-2 weeks ago with three most attentive gentlemen... my body was aching after it. I can be quite sexually-hungry sometimes when the horny bug strikes and one's not enough (unless he's high on red bull). So three at one go... three gentlemen who were totally respectful, attentive, and sensitive... that was most wonderful.

Some might be thinking now, "What a slut!" But you see, if you're thinking that, then it's just because we follow different sex schools of thought. Some believe in sex only in a marriage and that's fine by me. Some of you believe in pre-martial sex; good for you. And others take it even further like me and are comfortable with concepts like a foursome, gangbang, swinging, various sex toys and games, roleplay and so on.

Whatever it is, good for you.

For me, I believe very strongly that a female should not have to apologise for being sexual and sensual. A female's sex life should not be dictated by social 'norms'. If she wants to get involved in some sort of sexual act, then she should go for it because she has every right to 'follow her heart' so to speak and satisfy herself.

It's like.. why is it in a way acceptable for a male to be sexually active, and be free to explore different things, but not so for a female? Why do people only shake their heads at a man having pre-martial sex (as an example) while a woman who does so is seen as loose and insulted? Don't both genders have sexual organs and the ability to orgasm? So why are they judged on different platforms? And what's worse is that some extremely sexually promiscuous men like to judge women who are the slighest bit promiscuous - I don't see the logic in that.

I'm very tired over how women are told they have to suppress their needs and desires and just, be. It's unfair and humiliating. Women should not have to be afraid to do as they please.

So men, if you want to judge me, I don't care for you reading for my blog. Ladies, my dearest friends, I hope you understand me a little better.

And if you've thoughts you wanna share with me on this, email me... I enjoy a good conversation.

Bloody hell...

2008-06-12T12:16:00.000+08:00

Do you have days when you feel like maybe the whole world is against you? I do.

I just found out that my mum may have something in her breast… it’ll be two weeks before we will know for sure what it is… an agonizing two weeks.

And I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t asked her about how she had spent yesterday. And she tells me casually that she had a check-up, a special check-up. And so on.

Already had one parent who had to battle cancer… if test results for this time are positive, I’m not sure how I would handle it..

It’s shit, you know… damn fucking idiotic bloody shit…

2008-06-09T01:04:00.003+08:00

It's been an action-packed past two weeks... in fact, I think that's quite the understatement.

Did you know that by having lots of sex, one's complexion can improve? This works for females especially.

I'm happy to report that my complexion does seem much better now, lol. I think sex's a cheaper and definitely more enjoyable alternative to all those facial creams, toners and masks.

Parents will be back this week... once again, I countdown to their return with mixed feelings... it's good to have them around, but at the same time, oh the freedom!

Got a lot on my mind, some good, a lot bad... I don't like being in this state of constant worry; it makes me feel old beyond my years, and that's saying a lot coz I am quite the young thing *clears throat*

I don't really have anything to post... well actually I do, but I'm not in the mood to be Miss-fucking-tons-of-depth.

I just want to escape, you know.. run free.. sorta like the 'Born Free' song...

I'm going to get drunk sometime early july... bunch of old friends gathering for a chalet, and they've already told everyone who's travelling to buy DFS, as much as possible... lol. It's amazing... back in school, if someone had told me that this bunch would be an alcohol-guzzling group, I wouldn't have believed it. I would have been even more amazed if I was told that I would plan to get drunk with them sometime in the future.

Shows you just how life can be so unpredictable...

I miss Him..

I'm rambling...

2008-05-26T17:52:00.001+08:00

There’s this blogger I stalk – what can I say, I like the man – and a recent post of his got me thinking a little about a certain issue.

Well, it wasn’t the entire post that got me thinking, but rather, just this one line pertaining to male-female relationships: “age does matter”.

This blogger elaborated a little by recounting how a female friend in her early twenties had asked him if men his age (early thirties) would take her seriously. And, no prizes for guessing, his answer was a No. After all, while every hot-blooded male would like to bonk fresh young meat, he may not necessarily think of her as ‘life-long companion’ material.

Because I am also in my early twenties (ok so I’ll be 25 this year, but I’m always gonna try to convince myself that I’m still 21, goddammit!), I quickly got defensive. I mean, at first glance, that blogger seemed to be basically saying that coz older men have attained a certain level of maturity, they wouldn’t find a younger female ideal for the long-term, ie Younger women are less matured, aka stupid.

I pointed out to this blogger that there are exceptions and that one cannot simply judge based on age and occupational level.

But then, just as I typed that out, I caught myself.

Haven’t I been doing the very same thing I’m trying to discourage him from?

I like older men, period. I have absolutely no interest in a guy in his twenties. He may be a gorgeous well-hung horse who can quote Shakespeare, but the moment he tells me he’s in his twenties, I switch off immediately.

But older men… especially those in their forties onwards… I find very attractive. All the talk about having more sexual experience aside, I find them more matured, well-read, well-traveled, interesting to talk to, more secured in their identity, etc. Which kinda partly explains why I’m with an older gentleman myself, lol.

But then, because I have been with him for a number of years now, doesn’t that also prove that I am an exception to the twenty-something females whom older men think of only as possible sexually conquests?

I mean, there’s only this many bonks I can give him before he gets bored – if he was only after my young flesh, so to speak. Surely it means I have some depth, that I can have things in common with an older man, right?

Or maybe, we are just amongst the few older man-younger woman relationships that exist.

Note: my dear twenty-something close female friends who have access to this blog are, I believe, also the exceptions. I’m not that huge a bitch.

Anyway…

Have you ever read a book that’s so good, you feel swept away by the words, the prose, the descriptions?

I’m feeling that way right now reading a collection of short stories by Anais Nin. Erotic short stories.

It’s this:
Delta of Venua
Erotica by Anais Nin

There’s none of the ‘And then he plunged himself into her and she moaned… as she felt herself cumming, she screamed “Ahhhh.. yes yes, I’m cumming… ahhh” and he went “oh yes fuck, fuck fuck fuck… come baby!” And they came together.’

That’s just bad writing… it’s not even a turn-on.

But Anais Nin… she gets me all hot, bothered and flustered. Not just coz she describes the hunt, the sexual acts, but because she puts such feeling into mere words, paints everything with such beautiful prose that it all comes alive, burning with the furious flames of passion.

Here’s a short bit:
“He bent her as if she were mad of rubber, twisted her into every position. With his two strong hands he took whatever part of her he was hungry for and brought it to his mouth like a morsel of food, not caring how the rest of her body fell into space… His slave, his possession, a broken body, panting, malleable, growing softer under his fingers. His hands searched every nook of her body, leaving nothing untouched, kneading it, kneading it to suit his fancy, bending it to suit his mouth, his tongue, pressing it against his big shinning white teeth, marking her as his.”

And as I read, I imagined it all, very clearly in my mind, and then, my body.

I’m not sharing the bits I really really really like with you.

But this, ladies and gentlemen, IS erotica for you. Not all the crap floating around these days. Like Anais Nin said, “ Sex loses all its power and magic when it becomes explicit, mechanical, overdone, when it becomes a mechanistic obsession. It becomes a bore. You have taught us more than anyone I know how wrong it is not to mix it with emotion, hunger, desire, lust, whims, caprices, personal ties, deeper relationships that change its color, flavour, rhythms, intensities.’

So ya, because I was reading her stories, I was extremely horny last week.. he kindly obliged me.

I’ve been careful to read really slowly.. so that it’ll last as long as possible… still got more stories to go.

Sigh… and he’s away this entire week. Think I shan’t look at the book til he returns.

And on that note… I’m logging off.

PS: I know I haven’t uploaded my Europe trip pics yet… give me time… I’ve lots of work to do, after all.. between reading erotica and getting some myself ;)

Germany Postcards

2008-05-13T11:29:00.009+08:00

Ok... coz I needed a work break, I decided to work on my holiday photographs.

Cos this is supposed to be a 'nameless' blog, there's no pics of myself.. just lots of scenery.

Considering that I spent most of my money on food, drinks, books and sightseeing.. well, you know the sort of pics you're gonna get.

I just realised some of the pics I took were crap in terms of exposure etc.. so bear with it.. I didn't pay too much attention to my camera settings once my holiday started.

First up... food!

This is in a pub in Dusseldorf... where I had to travel to for work each day. We were staying in Koln (pronounced 'Cologne' - this is the English spelling of the place too), about a 20min train ride away. On our last work evening, we decided to treat ourselves to a extra nice meal.

Lots of pubs like this in Germany...

We were a little ambitious in ordering our starters... on the left is a platter of cold cuts; on the right is jellied meat with potatoes - sorta like ham. By ordering like that, we got variety and were able to sample different meats. As always, it comes with German bread, which I've fallen in love with.

One of the items on the cold cuts platter was raw minced pork. It can sound rather disgusting, coz we dun normally eat pork this way... but if I didn't tell you what it was, you'll look and taste it and think it was minced smoked salmon. Very nice spread on bread.

We shared a hot dish for the main course - a variety of sausages and some black pudding. And yes, the black pudding is the one that's the darkest.
This was a nice dish... but a little too salty for my liking.

Dessert was yummy... sorta like berries with cream... the sourness of the berries helped cut the saltiness of the main course.. and coz I love all the different types of berries, I enjoyed this course a lot.

Our place in Koln was very very nice and comfortable... it was in the SG equivalent of a shophouse, a 2-storey apartment (sorta). There were cooking facilities which we didn't bother to use in the upper floor which functioned as a sorta living-cum-dining room. The lower level was the bedroom and toilet. And it was extremely affordable, in comparison to the hotels there. I guess when you're staying somewhere for a week, however nice a hotel room may be, there's just something about a place that looks like a proper home that's just extra comforting.

One thing I did like a lot about Germany was the trees and flowers... lots of cherry blossom trees, colorful flowers... and coz it's temperate climate, the grass is of course different, the field not quite so muddy, and a pleasure to sit down on.

And now I'm getting back to work... more to come...

***

I wish you'll realise just how smart and beautiful you are... if you do care for him, you'll let him go, so he'll learn that he cannot get away with such actions and hopefully, he wun hit the next girl he gets together with.
Forgive him, yes... you should forgive him... but you have to let him go, for his sake, and yours. There's only this many times you can protect and defend him - dun let the last time you defend him be the time you're lying in hospital. Even if you dun care about your own well-being, you should make sure your parents dun have to suffer seeing his blows on their daughter's face.

In SG

2008-05-09T19:35:00.000+08:00

This is just to let you guys know I’m back in SG.. and I wish someone had warned me that the weather would be total shit.

Some pics and more blogging to come.. for now, excuse me while I go enjoy my mum’s cooking.

Bonjour

2008-05-03T03:40:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I’m now in the capital city of Paris.

Arrived about 4-plus in the afternoon… it was surprisingly painless, getting to the hostel. Then I walked around the area… seems like a sorta migrant area – lots of Africans, Chinese, Arabs, Turks etc.

Now I’m back in the hostel, after dinner… there’s free wireless – pity my laptop can’t get the wifi from my bed, so I’m downstairs..

I’m in a weird mood – feel like I wanna be alone.. as in, away from people… but with Him. He went off somewhere else this morning, and I went to Paris… I’m back in SG late next week, and then He’ll follow the following week.

It’s not too bad if I’m in SG and He’s away, coz I’m like, HOME. Or if I was staying in Germany instead of coming to Paris, I think I wouldn’t be feeling so lousy, coz Germany is kinda like a familiar place now.

But Paris is soooo new for me… and it doesn’t help that the locals are soooo stuck-up. The Germans seem much nicer, after I’ve encountered the French. But I keep telling myself that I’m in capital city, so maybe things are different.

But I can’t help wishing He was here with me… then, when walking down the streets earlier in the evening, He’ll be pointing out lots of things to me, talking to me.

But I know this is kinda like, just how I’m supposed to be feeling, after having spent an entire week with Him almost 24/7.

Tomorrow, I’m going for a free tour of the St Michel area… and apparently the first Sunday of every month (which I’m conveniently at) is free entry at museums.

So the idea is to just pack my time with so many activities… time will just fly by soooo quickly… then I’ll be back in germany for a night, before I head home.

Oh… I really do miss Him.

German time

2008-04-29T23:10:00.004+08:00

This is going to be a very short post because I am now in Germany, and it seems like a really silly idea to stay inside blogging away instead of being out in the cold wind, downing some beers, food etc.

Weather’s ok here… about 13-15 degrees… it can be quite windy sometimes, or the sun could be blazing down on you… but I think whatever it is, it’s definitely much better than the humidity I left behind in SG.

Some of the men are seriously hot, the flowers (cherry blossoms, daisies etc) are lovely, the food’s still interesting (I can’t imagine staying here beyond a month though), and the beer’s well, ok lah. Then again, I’m not much of a beer person nowadays, but the german beer here is much much much better than the crappy Tiger beer at home – the wine here is also very yummy.

I’m not here for holiday, in case you’re wondering. It is mostly work work work… travel to the place I have to be at for work, find a pub to chill at after work before heading back, then sleep.

But come Friday… I’ll probably head off to Paris and this time, it will be for a little break. I’m nervous to be going to Paris on my own, but I imagine it’ll be very exciting too.

Anyway.. here's two pics before i sign out.

My first meal in Germany - fried black pudding with onions and a mashed potatoe-with-sweet-apple thing (yes, they have weird taste buds sometimes... and they take flavours to the extreme) I know black pudding sounds disgusting but it was really very nice.

And this is the way this particular beer house/pub/restaurant fills its beer and then serves it. Each beer house serves its own beer brewed on-site. At this particular place, they get lots of glasses on one metal thingy, fill them all up, and then go around handing them out. If you're low on beer, they'll just plod one fresh glass in front of you, so you have to let them know if you've had enough. but with one beer being about Euro1.20 (about S$3), it's not bad... the best beer i've had so far.

Crush, Crushing, Crushed!

2008-04-20T02:05:00.001+08:00

Because Saturday mornings (and sometimes part of the afternoons) are ‘catching-up-on-beauty-sleep’ periods for me, it was very difficult to get out of bed early today.

There was a lunch birthday party to attend at the other corner of the island, and my godsis and I had plans to swim a bit at that place first before going for the lunch – I wanted to get dark-skinned again.... being yellow doesn’t look good!

Anyway… so after the swim and all that, we went for the lunch. Then, I found out that this guy whom I had a huge crush on while in sec sch was going to drop by later. And my first immediate thought was : “oh gosh, do I look like absolute crap today?!?!?!”

Then I remembered I took extra effort putting my face paint on earlier, and my heart was at ease.

It was really good to see him again.. he’s bigger in built now, but still as eloquent and charming, and gentlemanly as ever… I’ve got a thing for men who can carry themselves well, and are good at conversations. I started remembering all the reasons why I liked him back during the school days, and whenever he looked directly at me and talked to me, my heart would flutter.

Ya… so drama… but seriously, I was trying very hard not to be grinning too much like a crazy Cheshire cat. I kept telling myself, “Be cool and relaxed!”

But of course I started fantasizing a bit… and I thought, well, we could start chatting again like we did back in school – he was the guy whom I once chatted with over the phone til 5am; we then met in school for a function 2 hours later; we did talk a lot back then. Then I thought, ok, so we chat, then we meet up again, often… then maybe we’ll become boyfriend-girlfriend (ya, very sec sch thinking, lol), and then one day, he’ll propose!

And… I shuddered.

I was totally put off by the idea of him proposing (in my imagination). I’m sure he’s the sort who’ll put very careful thought into the proposal method etc, and it’ll be all so sweet etc.. but marriage?!?!? Too big a change, just too freaking big a move… I couldn’t do it.

And I realized… I’m not ready for marriage, ever. Not even with the guy who still turns me into a silly giggling school girl when I see him after so many years. Granted, that guy’s not Him (as in, the current squeeze) so there’s no love and all that jazz. But still…

So ya… I’m already at this certain stage of my life already and still I dun long for marriage etc… my mum’s gonna be soooo disappointed, lol.

On another note, my godsis said today that she wanted to carry little children… I say her bio clock’s starting to tick already.

Gosh, just thinking of the old crush again makes me smile…

But nope… I’ll rather be with Him in Europe for a week next week, than with the crush ☺

Ya… off to Europe for 2 weeks, from next week… one week of exciting but I’m sure tiring work… and then I’m off for a little break, all by my little self… I feel like a kid in an Enid Blyton story off for an adventure.

2008-04-15T15:59:00.000+08:00

My eyes hurt. A lot.

Last night, for some weird reason, there was suddenly a dust cloud sweeping into the house. And I start sneezing and sneezing and sneezing… my nose got all runny, and my eyes turned red.

And of course, I just had to rub and rub and rub my eyes… which made things worse.

By the time I settled into bed, my nose was sore, and my eyes were all red and swollen… puffing like a goldfish.

This morning, I looked like shit… like real shit. I’ve never had something like this last for so long, but ya, my eyes were still swollen and red, and this time, I had terrible eye bags.

Must have used a ton of concealer to cover up.

Why am I telling you this? Well, coz my eyes still hurt and I’m too stoned to write about something vaguely intelligent.

Got a packed schedule this week… something on tml night, and maybe thurs night… and then a party on sat. And between all that, there’s work, and all the preparations for my trip to Europe next week.

And cos my period just ended, and God knows how bloated I can get during that week, my tummy’s still feeling really huge, which means I feel fat and so unsexy. And coz being sexy is really all about being confident… I’ve to somehow get my self-esteem up by tomorrow night for that event.

And I’ve nothing to wear! (haha… I’m only saying that coz I wanna go shopping)

Anyway… I’ve been feeling quite Asian these past few days… I mean, I am Asian, but I’ve always been more proud of my peranakan blood than my Chinese blood coz I love peranakan food, clothing, display stuff etc, new people I meet generally think I’m Malay (my name’s misleading), and my Chinese sucks.

But these past few days, I’ve been feeling my Chinese roots more. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my Chinese roots, and I’m probably one of the few in my generation who believes that traditions should be followed as much as possible (how many of you buy tomatoes to put at home during CNY coz some old guy said it brings good luck and actually, you don’t believe in good luck, but you do it anyway coz it’s tradition)

I think it has to do with the anti-Chinese protests happening now during the torch relay… some people in the West don’t seem to be able to differentiate government from people, and also tend to just lump all slit-eyed people together. So uncool.

I’m not even going to go into the whole debate about whether the Tibetans have it bad, freedom, etc… but I must say that I do disagree with violent acts committed by people whose religion teaches them love and peace, in the name of nationalism/race/religion etc. How different is that from the terrorists who commit evil in the name of Islam, another peace-loving religion?

That said, I dun see a real solution in sight… or rather, I can’t be bothered to think about it too much… I rather use the time to rest.

Ya… lots of rest.

2008-04-03T14:17:00.002+08:00

Been back for a couple of days now... kinda busy with work... he's gone for a week, so I'm all alone :(

Oh by the way, have you guys been following American Idol?

I'm now in LOVE... I mean, have you all seen Michael John, especially when he sang the Queens medley?

If not, here it is for you below:

Isn't he just excellent??? And oh man, so so so sexy... especially at the end bit of the song, when he went "We are the Champions..."

Another guy I quite like is Jason Castro.. listen to him sing one of my all-time favourite songs 'Hallelujah':

It's the dreadlocks, i tell you... he's so adorable, you just wanna pinch his cheeks and plant a big fat wet kiss on his lips.

With Michael though... I just wanna rip his clothes off and... well... he is very fuckable. Just listening to him sing makes shivers run down my spine, in a very very good way.

Ok, enough lusting... got to get back to work.

2008-03-25T00:48:00.002+08:00

I'll be in Bangkok for a couple of days... not really for work this time, though He is. I'm just gonna do some shopping... hehehe...

Dun miss me too much (ya right!)

See you guys in a few days!

I've to finish packing... and check out who's been buying my 'properties' on fb.. lol, I'm hooked.

2008-03-18T14:10:00.001+08:00

After much thought over whether it was just a corny love story, a shitty local production, or just a tear-generator I didn’t wanna know, I went to watch ‘The Leap Years’ with my godsis on Saturday.

It is THE best local film production I’ve seen.

‘Singapore Dreaming’ was good, so was ‘The Maid’.. and who can forget ’12 Storeys’ – these were wonderful films with depth. (notice I’m not even talking about Jack Neo’s movies here)

But ‘The Leap Years’… man oh man oh man..

Firstly, the cinematography was beautiful… portraying Singapore in a very sensitive manner… like it’s a place one could actually have a life in, minus all the stressful hustle and bustle. Even the famous CBD skyscraper shot was very soft, very gentle.
It showed that Singapore has some culture, history… real people.

Ananda Mathew Everingham was like, the Greek god I’ll gladly present my body to. He’s not handsome, but he is charming in a rugged way… of course him showing off half his hard chest most of the time he appeared in the movie helped, lol. After all the drooling, he acted rather well the part of the tortured lover.

Wong Li-Lin’s an excellent actress… she’s never really had the opportunity to show what she’s really made of, til now. It’s so difficult to manage a role like hers without appearing silly and naïve, and desperate.

Which brings me to the plot itself.

At first glance, it seems kinda corny, doesn it? Boy and girl make a promise to meet every leap year, aka once every four years. Which in itself is kinda pathetic… especially when they’re in love and blah blah blah.

But the characters have such depth, it’s believable that such a thing can happen. That people can love in such a manner, have what Li-Ann (Wong Li-Lin’s character) called ‘a rare connection’.

Take Li-Ann for example: she’s an intelligent, strong-minded individual, successful in her own right. You wouldn’t think that a woman like her could allow herself to be in a situation that has her effectively pinning after a man she knows little of… she tells herself, the next leap year, she wun see him, but then in the end, she goes to wait for him all the same. This internal struggle within her to balance practicality and her heart’s longings was played out so well by Wong Li-Lin. In the end, I didn’t think she was silly, but rather, I found myself actually relating to her, understanding her, sympathizing with her.

Because really, at the end of the day, all of us want to find that someone we can have that ‘rare connection’ with, and I’m not talking about sex here. Her character was so real because she also had all the human fears that we have, yet she wants to have her heart’s desires too.

In the end, I found myself applauding her.

I think I spent about one-third of the movie in tears… I was desperately trying not to let my god-sis see the big fat tears rolling down my cheeks. It wasn’t just because the movie was sad (I’m not gonna tell you what the ending is, but it’s good), but also because it was so touching, of the ‘awwwww’ variety. In the last few minutes, someone in the cinema sniffed very loudly – that was like the green light for all the females to cry without restraint. When my god-sis asked for tissue, I was like, “ok lah, can freely cry liao”.

Lol… I had to do some serious make-up touching up after the movie. And my eyes still hurt an hour after it from the crying.

It’s a really good movie, and I urge all of you to watch it… if you had to spend your money on one really meaningful thing this year, this is it.

***

I’ve also been doing some crying of a different kind. During the follow-up check-up at the vet, results showed that the bone had ‘popped’ out. Now the only option left is surgery.

But that costs about $2k… and as 'great' as I may be in my career, I dun have that kind of money…

So now my dog’s hopping around the house… she can still manage like that for a while, just that it’s inconvenient for her, and we’ve to help her scratch behind her ears since she can’t use her leg for that anymore. But that’ll only last for a while… then it’ll start hurting like mad for her, and she’ll need that surgery.

If my dog had some terrible disease and needed to be put to sleep to ease her suffering, fine, so be it. But for something like this, there is a solution… I can’t possibly put her to sleep.

When I return home every night, I make sure I spend some time with her… cuddling her, petting her… so she’ll feel my love… but it really pains me to see her hopping around (even though she’s not in pain now – she even jumped up the steps at home lor)… it’s like a reminder to me that I’m a failure as an owner.

Urgh!

Anyone wanna pay me money?

It's a sign...

2008-03-14T15:43:00.000+08:00

I got an article published in a foreign trade mag… the editor gave me an entire page in the first few pages of the magazine and also gave me a byline!

(Nb: Byline is the ‘Written by:YYY’ thingy)

It’s like a sign, you know, that I’m getting there. Of course, I’ve done many articles for my publication which has readers all over the world… but this one is special, coz it’s not OUR publication, it’s foreign (local trade mags are shit) and it has worldwide distribution.

OMIGOSH… I’ve really got to savour this… I’m getting that… at such a young age too!

I’m glad he gave me the opportunity, and sent my article to that mag… :X

And it wasn’t even heavily edited!

Lalalala…

This’ll show my parents… see, I’ve done it! I made the right career choice! If I had listened to you, I’ll still be stuck in some shit admin role in SPH or some other local newspaper/magazine, where I’ll be busy doing nothing but making coffee for my superiors.

So trade magazines dun get displayed at newsstands… it’s not all that visible, but so what? It’s the substance that counts.

I’m gonna sleep with that mag under my pillow tonight.

2008-03-12T13:57:00.002+08:00

Had a rather stressful day yesterday…

For those of you who do not know, I’ve three wonderful dogs. And one of them started limping on Sunday… she wasn’t resting her weight on one of her hind legs.

Monday was terrible, coz I couldn’t get transport to a vet. I was apprehensive about booking a cab coz I felt cab drivers wun be keen to have a doggie passenger. My dad’s not in town, and I dun drive, so even though there’s my dad car, it’s effectively useless.

Spent all Monday worrying, feeling utterly useless, and that I had let my pet, who entrusted herself to my family, down (I know, drama-mama, but that’s how I really felt) – I mean, if you’re gonna have a pet, you damn well take excellent care of it, otherwise, forget it.

Finally, he offered to pick me and my dog up Tuesday morning and send us to the vet… there’s a whole bunch of logistic details here that I wun bore you with… but on Tuesday morning, I found myself registering my dog at the vet clinic.

I was happy to see she hadn’t lost her gungho-ness… she was limping around to sniff other dogs’ butts, sniff the legs of the other owners there waiting for their turn… I was like, “hey, stop moving, limping dog!” But still, she persisted to sniff every doggie butt in the waiting area.

When she had completed her mission, she went under a chair and rested there.

Coz this was a walk-in thing… I ended up having to wait for 2-plus hours before I could see the doc. After all the physical examinations, x-rays etc, I was told that she had dislocated her hip bone-thingy.

I’m gonna save you guys the details, but essentially, the vet had to make her fall asleep so they could try to ‘pop’ the bone back in. I guess she was just doing her job and covering her ass, but when she warned me that doing so has its risk, and that, I quote, “some dogs never wake up”, it really hit me and I realised just how serious the matter was.

I mean, you’re thinking… ok, so she’s not immediately dying… it’s a bone thing… yes, I’ve read of old humans who dislocate their hips, suffer in great agony, then die, but I’m just gonna try to not think about that for the moment. Chant: “dogs and humans are different, dogs and humans are different…”

And then when you hear about how there might be a better solution than surgery, you’re relieved. You think, “oh, just pop it back. Yeah, that sounds simple enough!”

THEN, you are told that she may not wake up.

I was so freaked, I’m ashamed to admit this: I cried.

Yes, right in the frigging vet’s office, I cried. Well ok, not really cried lah, but got lots of big fat drops of tears rolling down my cheeks. (that's NOT crying!)

And I clumsily tried to explain to the vet, “I’m sorry, it’s just a big thing.. you’re asking me to make a decision.”

The worst thing, I thought, was that if I screw this decision up, then my mum will kill me. I loved this dog, but my absolute favourite was another one we have. This limping one was my mum’s favourite.

And to top it all off, the limping dog was sitting there, on the vet’s examination table, looking at me with adoring, trusting eyes… it was soooo terrible.

Anyway, end result: bone was willing to be ‘popped’ in, dog’s bandaged up, need to bring her back in a couple of days for check up.

Bill was huge.

I guess I got to reconcile myself to the fact that my dogs will die in a few years… that’s the law of nature.

But I’ll be damned if I dun at least try to fight it off for as long as possible.

2008-03-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

So today's is International Women's Day..

Which is all well and good, though we'll only see real success in women's rights when there is NO International Women's Day.

2008-03-08T03:17:00.001+08:00

If it wasn’t 2-plus in the morning and I wasn’t feeling so sian, I would have had a whole bunch of stuff to tell you.

About how I’m so glad Clinton won Texas and Ohio… she’s back in, baby, she’s back in.

As much as I support Clinton, I would have liked to find the music video on YouTube – the one put together by Will.I.Am…. a song with lyrics made up of sentences from Obama’s speeches…. And post it up here to share with my few pathetic readers coz it really was quite well done.

But I wanna go find the advertisement Jack Nicholson made for Clinton using clips from some of his movies… and I can’t do that if I’m spending the time blogging, right?

And oh, if I wasn’t interested in checking out how my FB’s account has been doing for the past 2 weeks (ya, I last logged in that long ago), I would have told you how I would love to tell the AVA spokesperson who responded to a letter in the papers about pedigree dogs getting abandoned by saying that AVA will not control the imports and believes more in letting the market forces of demand/supply dictate things… to stick it up his hole…

It’s PRECISELY coz you’re letting demand/supply rule that dogs are getting abandoned… so get your blardy lazy fat ass off your seat and DO something… like, oh, CONTROL imports… screen owners… make sure every single dog is microchipped with the owners’ details in some part of the body not revealed to the owner… so if the dog’s abandoned, you can drag the owner’s ass to jail (yes, not merely a court fine, but JAIL) where he can get caned a zillion times til his butt splits wide open… before the prison warden pours salt over the wounds…

Oh sorry, I’m mixing Guantanamo up with SG…

Ya, so you’ve figured it out… I DETEST people who abandon their pets.

Coz I haven’t been reading Kenny Sia for a looonnnggg while… I would like to spend my time reading his blog, instead of putting something up on my own blog… where I’ll tell you how I feel about the Malaysian elections happening in a mere few hours…. Coz there’s always so much to talk about when it comes to neighbor, Malaysia…

And if I wasn’t going to file my toenails, I would talk to you about Mas Selamat… Singapore’s most popular terrorist… He’s in such high demand, posters are up everywhere and even the usually apathetic public is keeping an eye out for him… that is, if they know what they’re supposed to be looking out for.

Limp or no limp? Ohhh… he doesn’t really walk with a limp… that’s only evident when he walks damn fast or runs. And oh, so err, I’m supposed to look for beige tee and brown pants now is it? But newspaper printed the tee green in color leh.. so which is which? And err… after so many days then you tell me to look out for the discarded clothes in a city where rubbish is collected every single day???

I wonder how many guards at the Detention Centre have been murdered by the Home Affairs Minister already.

I also need to check on my new ear piercing… I realized today, while fiddling with it, that coz it’s quite close to, how do you describe it, the side/edge/end/whatever… and a metal stud’s now been introduced into the flesh, you can actually feel a bit of a lump when you run your finger along the side… your finger goes over this sorta bump, and you go, ‘ah, so that’s where the piercing is!’

I think that’s very very cool… as grossed out as some of you might be.

It’s just like the piercing at the top side of my right ear… the bit where there’s soft bone… when I take my piercing out, you can actually SEE through the hole, look at the stuff behind you… that’s not very cool… that’s DAMN cool… if I stand in front of the mirror and move around, I can see my cupboard, my desk, etc.

But of course, coz I’m taking some time to ogle my ear piercings, I can’t tell you about how my work now requires me to read more Chinese stuff these days. And those of you who know me would also know that I’m a typical ‘kantang’ (English translation: potato, aka the ‘England type’)… and it’s sooooooo frustrating sometimes. As I’ve been telling Him… if I believed in karma, this would be it – karma for all the terrible mean things I’ve said behind the backs of my Chinese teachers back in school, karma for giving them such headaches, karma for laughing when they said I had better learn coz I would need to use the Chinese language as an adult; I thought, ‘heck, then I wun do a job that requires Chinese, so there!’

I’ll bang my head on the table if I’ve to look at another Chinese article… it’s worms on screen, I tell you!

I console myself by thinking… well… at least this is an opportunity to improve my grasp of the language… I think I’m doing better now, or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Oh dear me, look at the time… oh well, too bad for you people… coz it’s now 3 plus, I think I shan’t blog today… I’ll go do all the stuff I’ve said I’ll do now… sorry, guys!

PS: oh, btw, Mr Baba… you know that ‘shoot on sight’ idea of yours?

The polic wish to inform you that they thought it was such a great idea, they decided to carry it out… only they shot dead a murder suspect at Outram MRT station instead of the terrorist.

Blunder again! Strike two!

2008-03-06T13:55:00.002+08:00

I want to highlight this letter from a reader, to Weekend Today (2 March 2008). Apart from the issue the reader addressed, his wacky way of writing is just so funny and witty, a joy to read.

There’s a ‘god’ on the KPE
By Mat Oakley

I would like to report the discovery of a hitherto unknown race of people living in a subterranean cavern not far from the Central Business District.

Like many anthropological discoveries, it was a product of chance – a momentary whimsical diversion from a planned route.

It occurred a few days ago, as I was riding my motorcycle along East Coast Parkway, enjoying as I have for many years the pleasure of trying to stay alive amid reckless speeding, random lane-changing, homicidal tailgating and pathological desires to overtake.

Not being in an urgent frame of mind, I decided to take a previously unexplored route, and thus, was plunged into a strange underground world of people who obeyed the speed limit, didn’t swerve wildly in a desperate bid to get ahead or drive two inches behind my back wheel.

Most disorientating of all, a couple of them even turned on their indicators before changing lanes.

Further study has revealed this netherworld to be known as the “KPE”.

Evidently, the people of the Kallang-Paya Lebar Expressway worships a god they call “Speed Camera Ahead”, who they believe will punish them for dangerous behavior.

The power of this god is such that even the psychopaths who drive cars with spoilers are instantly – but sadly only temporarily – cured by the sight of “him”.

I wonder if the relevant authorities might consider converting the whole island to this life-saving “religion”.

Nice read...

Oh, I've watched Juno already... not too bad... been thinking of watching Leap Years - was going to do so on 29 Feb, but I was too busy looking out for Tay Ping Hui, hehe, so I can ask him out... and he couldn't refuse me then *evil laugh*

I'm hesitant about Leap Years, I'm sure it's a good movie, but it'll also involve lots of crying... a friend's fren watched it already, said the ending's good, but still...

Nvm, also got Persepolis to watch.. and Step Up 2 is coming soon... and the play The Pillowman! I missed it last year... MUST watch it this time.. Nis, hear that?!?!?!?

Apart from that, nothing much's been happening... oh, I pierced another ear-hole... so as of now, the tally is, 3 on left, 5 on right... lalalala

JI detainee escapes from SG detention centre

2008-02-28T10:20:00.002+08:00

The question here, boys and girls, is how the fuck did this happen?

They better capture that man soon... this is such an embarrassment to the government; thank goodness we got the Youth Olympics already.

From Channelnewsasia:

JI detainee Mas Selamat Kastari escapes from Singapore detention centre
Posted: 27 February 2008 2045 hrs

JI detainee Mas Selamat Kastari escapes from Singapore detention centre

SINGAPORE : A massive police operation is underway in Singapore after the leader of the Jemaah Islamiyah network here, Mas Selamat Kastari, escaped from detention at 4.05pm on Wednesday.

A statement from the Home Affairs Ministry says Mas Selamat walks with a limp and is presently at large.

He is not known to be armed and is one of Singapore's most wanted men.

Extensive police resources have been deployed to track him down after he escaped from the Whitley Road Detention Centre.

Anyone with information about him can contact the police at 999.

Mas Selamat was arrested by the Indonesian police on Bintan island in January 2006.

He was picked up then for using a fake identity card.

Based on investigations then, Indonesia's elite anti-terror police discovered he was the leader of the Singapore Jemaah Islamiyah network, a terrorist organisation.

They then deported the man to Singapore in 2006.

The 45-year-old father of four was also said to be involved in JI's plans to mount attacks against foreign and local establishments here.

These included the US Embassy and American Club, the Defence Ministry headquarters at Bukit Gombak and the Education Ministry building at North Buona Vista Drive.

Mas Selamat fled Singapore in December 2001 following an Internal Security Department operation against the terrorist organisation.

The militant leader had been on the run after Singapore authorities discovered plans to crash seven truck filled with bombs at various locations around the island.

Investigations also revealed that he was the mastermind behind a plan to hijack an airplane and crash it into Changi airport.

When he was last arrested in Indonesia, officers found literature on bomb making on the man.

Mas Selamat's deportation to Singapore two years ago was seen as a significant development in the close network of cooperation amongst intelligence officers in the region to share information on terror suspects and to defeat the terror threat.

The islandwide manhunt has fanned out to areas in Beauty World in Upper Bukit Timah and Goldhill Avenue near Barker Road.

Officers are also knocking on homes asking residents if they have seen the escapee.

Police have also formed a formidable blockade around Malcolm Park, near the Singapore Chinese Girls' School. - CNA/ch

2008-02-26T15:38:00.000+08:00

I am so hungry... I blame it on the Crimson Tide…

Let’s see… I had half a sandwich in the morning, then about 2-3 hours ago I had half an egg sandwich, and half a ham-n-cheese sandwich, and some crispy toast with butter and sugar… I’ve just finished the remaining crispy toast…

All carbo, which is supposed to really fill the tummy up… but I’m still hungry!

You know what I’ll really like to have now…. Half a dozen fresh oysters, and chilli crab… no wait, make that black pepper crab… or can I have both?

Ahh… think I’ll go to the supermarket later and check out prices of crab… if it’s worthwhile, I’ll buy myself two and go home and cook black pepper crab…

Can’t wait for the Tide to subside… hungry hungry hungry…

Singapore gets the Youth Olympics!

2008-02-22T12:44:00.002+08:00

From this:

To this:

As Queens would sing it...

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

Congrats to the Bidding Committee for a job well done!

Now, on with the show!

Jokes time!

2008-02-20T18:20:00.000+08:00

New Bush Bumper Stickers...

That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway...

Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First

If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President

George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight

Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blowjobs Anymore

No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?

Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap

The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century

A side topic...

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

2008-02-18T17:00:00.000+08:00

Because my dear god-sis bitched again about how my blog is ‘dead’, here I am making the effort to blog… so you better be grateful, YZ.

It’s not that I dun wanna blog… every now and then something which is really interesting and insightful will pop into my mind, and I’ll think, “I should blog about that.” But often time, I’m too tired/stoned/tired/bored/tired/busy/tired to actually get down to it.

Anywayz…

CNY is near its end… hurray! Not that I really mind CNY – I enjoy the meeting-up with relatives, friends, pigging out and, as much as I may bitch about how tiring it is, I enjoy the once-a-year massive baking of nonya kuehs that my mum and I get down to doing. But I realize that over the years, CNy has lost some of the excitement; probably coz of all the additional ‘duties’ I have to do.

And this CNY was, as usual, not without its “where’s the boyfriend?” questions. One grand aunt shouted, and I mean SHOUTED out, as we were leaving her place, “next year I wanna see you come visit me with a boyfriend ah!” – I swear all her neighbors heard that. When I complained to my parents, my mum said, ‘you can solve the problem by bringing a guy back.” Gee, so helpful… but then again, my mum also did her share of ‘encouraging’ me. Didn’t help that a relative my age is getting engaged.

But I’ve developed the art of turning a deaf ear to such nonsense.. so, ha!

Vday was quiet… didn’t come across any people selling flowers so I couldn’t try out my “I’m allergic to flowers… btw, do you have life insurance?” move. A pity. But I had fun smirking at all the boys carrying bouquets of flowers, paper bags of cutesy bears/balloons/other pink lacy crap (not bras or thongs), and the gf’s handbag.

What’s up with carrying your girls’ handbag? It’s not about being gentlemanly… it’s just, well, pathetic. Unless your gf is trying to negotiate tons of stuff, you dun carry the handbag, period. If her bag is very heavy, and she’s also trying to carry all the crap you bought her, ok, so maybe you help her with one or two items. But that’s it. You wanna be gentlemanly? Then do stuff like open the door for her, on days other than Vday.

My parents are away for three weeks… woohoo! But that also means that I’ve loads of housework to do… pros and cons in everything. Still, I’m enjoying the ability to go home late without having to constantly update my parents’ on my whereabouts.

Bro’s a pain though.. as always.

On Friday, my god-sis and I visited an old friend at her home – all of us used to always hang out together in sec sch… pity we lost touch with her after graduation… bad friends we were. I’m very happy we’re back in touch.

That friend, H, is now happily married with a cute baby girl. The daughter was at her mum’s place, and the hubby was away, so it was a good time to visit. She claims we ‘self-invited’ ourselves over…. I maintain that she was the one who suggested it in the first place months ago. :P

Had a good night… we didn’t do much… watched a dvd, drank a bit, chatted… I think as we all get older, stuff like clubbing loses some of its appeal. H and I agreed that pubbing, preferably where there’s a good live band… or just a quiet night somewhere, is more enjoyable. Call us boring old hags if you will, I think we’re just maturing like fine wine.

Chatted about a number of things. It was a interesting mix… one married, one waiting for HDB flat, and one.. well, more happy-go-lucky. (if you actually have to wonder about which one I am, go shoot yourself). We’re all at different stages of our lives even though we’re of the same age.

I commented that I felt like I was still a kid sometimes. Almost all my friends, acquaintances, etc were either married or getting married. They’re planning huge things – how to do the wedding, getting reno on the new home done, how to raise their kids… and as fucked up and busy as my life may feel sometimes, I dun have all these ‘big’ things to consider, unlike them. So I said I feel that it makes me feel like a kid, since I dun have responsibilities like them. And to a certain extent, I feel freer and erm, more fortunate, lol.

My god-sis looked kinda distressed at one point. I get that she worries about me (well, at least she worries a little) and my present state of living… and she wants me to enjoy the happiness she has… but as I kept trying to tell her, I’m very happy with the path I’ve chosen for myself. Different people find happiness in many different things… it just so happened that mine are different from hers.

Make no mistake… I’ll like to have my dream wedding… I’ve fantasized about how my wedding would be, the type of gown I’ll wear, the color theme and flowers (white lilies!)… and I’ll love to organize it… but err, I dun want the piece of paper that comes with it.

(note to self: potential business opportunity here.. let women have the opportunity to have ‘fake’ weddings to live out fantasizes… can throw in a hunk for the pretend-wedding…. The cuter the hunk, the higher the price!)

and I’ll love to have my dream home…. I’ll have a platform bed, a huge kitchen with an island counter, a kick-ass oven… comfortable sofas from ikea… that, at least I know I’ll get when I’m 35… can buy my own HDB flat by then… I’m so looking forward to that. Then I can host dinner parties etc…

And I’ll like a kid… not really have my own kid… but someone to play with and spoil and then when I’m done, hand the kid over to the real parents… lol. I told my god-sis to make me her kid’s godma.. hehehe…

So yes… I know that all makes me sound really childish… to want all the above without the responsibilities, but fuck, the important thing is that at least I KNOW what I want. And the good thing about that is that if I dun get them, I wun get upset. Sure beats being like other people, who just go through the motions because that is what social conventions say life should be like.

I’m a rebel. I’ll be fucked if I let society dictate how I should live my own life.

As long as I’m happy, all else matters little.

Quiz time!

2008-02-02T02:57:00.000+08:00

Sorry, I just couldn't resist...

A fren sent me this quiz on Facebook.. and I found the results so hilarious, and yet, disturbingly accurate.
This is why I'll never find a vanilla boyfriend in SG:

Quiz: What kind of guy would you fall for?
Answer: The Sensitive Guy

You'll find your future man wherever turtlenecks are sold. He will have depth, introspection, and a disturbing knowledge of musical theater. And he may be a little weird. But hey, while your girlfriends cry over broken hearts, you'll be having Shakespeare read to you every night.

What do you mean by 'disturbing knowledge of musical theater'? That's nice, what!
And Shakespeare every night sounds good.

Now if I can just find this guy... oh ya, I forgot, they dun exist :P

About 2-3 weeks ago, my family and I were at this Jap buffet which offered, amongst other things, a whole range of English Tea bags.
Whenever I patronise this outlet, I always have green tea, followed by Camomile tea for dessert, and it was no different this time round.

My mum looked at my choice of camomile tea, and said my tea taste definitely reflected my personality. When I asked her to elaborate, she called me a 'camomile gir', or a 'flower flower sort of person lor'.

Lol, I get what she means, and I do think that being called a camomile person is more interesting than any other term.

But still, one can't help wondering if she likes it, or not...

Oh, I like Earl Grey too... lol.

Bricky Brick!

2008-01-30T10:30:00.000+08:00

I dun do this often... but I think this is worth sharing.

*****

THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down

when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared . Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up againsta parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?'

The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...' With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said. 'He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!'

In Memory of Pak Suharto (1921 - 2008)

2008-01-29T19:55:00.000+08:00

It’s a little unnerving when a whole bunch of people start to die in the beginning of the new year. I mean, of course, people die everyday… but, you know what I mean. I've been wanting to go to the Indonesia embassy to write in my condolences, but coz of the 10am - 4pm time allocation for such business, it looks like it ain't gonna happen.

There have been so many different news articles about his death… some of them so obviously bias… but I think I liked BBC’s version best, rather neutral, it was. What to do, they are one of the top news agencies around.

I spent a month about 2 years back in Indonesia on a political science study trip. While there, we met up with ex-presidents, ex-army heads, current ministers, political party leaders, activists… and I heard many different opinions about former Indonesian President Suharto.

While there were differing opinions about whether Pak Suharto was Indonesia’s saviour (getting rid of Sukarno and reviving the economy), or whether he was an evil corrupt army dictator (human rights abuses, favoritism towards family and friends), all of them did agree on one thing: Indonesia’s development would still have been in the stone-age if it wasn’t for him.

On that note, here’s cheers to one of ASEAN’s founding fathers and a good former Indonesian president (that’s my opinion)… rest in peace.

********

These past few days have been exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally in so many levels… I’m looking for that sunrise on the horizon.

Heath Ledger... one hell of a great actor (1979 - 2008)

2008-01-23T17:35:00.000+08:00

In case you haven't heard, Heath Ledger has passed on.

I'm not an actor groupie... I remember the names of some actors, but it's mainly because i enjoy their acting and know that any movie with them in it, I shouldn't miss.

Heath Ledger was one of those... I never really knew much about him, until I watched him in 2005's 'Brokeback Mountain.

The whole racket over the homosexuality theme I felt was a little overrated. To me, it was about tolerance in society, the harshness of social conventions. And Heath Ledger stood out because his role didn't have many lines, but rather, required the actor to show the pain his character felt through his facial expressions and body language. In that, the actor shone.

Of course Heath Ledger played many other outstanding roles, but I'm just mentioning 'Brokeback Mountain' here coz that's something many would be familiar with. I do hope to watch 'I'm Not There' in the near future, where Heath Ledger played one of the many Bob Dylans. And of course, Heath Ledger played 'The Joker' in the upcoming Batman movie.

There's many news articles about his death, but I liked this one best.

Anyway, here's to a great actor of my generation - you don't get that many of them these days unfortunately,

2008-01-22T18:31:00.000+08:00

When asked “Are you happy?”, what would your answer be?

I had that question posed to me about two weeks ago, right out of the blue. And my first thought was, “Of course I’m happy! Why would you even think otherwise?”

When I asked him why he had such a question, he said it was because sometimes I didn’t look happy.

I thought that strange, because while I couldn’t say that I was a happy camper 100% of the time (we’re all human) and hence couldn’t possibly always have a smile on my face, I mean, I was happy…. I didn’t have to be smiling always just to show that I’m happy, right?

Over that weekend, that incident came back to mind, and I had the peace and quiet and security of my bedroom to think it over.

And I thought, what is it to be happy? How do you define happiness? And following from that, so, are you happy?

I’m sure people view happiness differently.
For the simple-minded (and perhaps most fortunate of the lot), happiness can be found in just being able to get your favourite ice-cream bread, seeing a lovely flower etc.
For others (probably most S’poreans), happiness is having that car, condo, en-bloc sale, holiday, MacBook Air (I want!), handphone, bag, pair of shoes, jewellery… and the list goes on for the materialistic ones.

Then you have those who’ll tell you that happiness is going home and seeing your family, being able to spend time with friends… and so on.

It’s very easy for me to type and say, oh some people are happy when they have this, other probably will be happy when they have that. But the truth is, it’s not that simple a question to answer.

My initial response when posed with that question was ‘Yes, I am happy’. But the more I thought about it, the more I started wondering, am I really happy? I started thinking, “Well ok, I’m happy when this happens, but when that particular bit occurs, I get upset.” I found, I was happy whenever I got a certain item (happiness based on materialistic desires), happy when with family and friends and dogs, happy when eating, happy to look up at night and see loads of twinkling stars… if I could easily be happy/unhappy based on so many things, was my happiness then a fickle thing?

I realized, no, that’s not true happiness. You can say you FEEL happy, but BEING happy is a separate, more in-depth concept.

I found, in my mini journey of self-discovery, what makes me happy. It’s not having things, being in a certain place/time etc… those are just manifestations of happiness, you could say. Rather, I’m happy when I feel I’m being true to myself.

Of course the whole ‘being true to myself’ bit warrants another blog piece… but essentially as a simplified definition (for myself at least), being true to yourself is about following the principals, morals etc that you have.

Our society is such that one does that to follow certain social norms and conventions, there’s no escaping that. And some of them might offend your principals. But on the whole, if for most of your life you’re living it by doing what you want, then I’ll say you’re being true to yourself, and in turn, you’re happy.

It looks so simplistic I feel I’m insulting the topic… but I no longer have the energy to write a philosophical thesis… so ya, that’s it in a nutshell.

For myself, I’ll admit that there’s some things I wish I could do/improve upon, but on the whole, I am happy… because I’m doing what I want to do in so many aspects of my life. Some of my other dreams haven’t been fulfilled, but I’m not too worried about them. I know it’ll come along quite nicely.

For example, I’ll say, I want to go back to Nepal, spend some months in Europe etc and I believe I’ll get the opportunity to do that in the future… and that’s not being materialistic… but more, fulfilling the part of me that believes that you have to see as much of the world as you can, experience different cultures. You may end up not agreeing with some of them, but at least you can tell yourself, “I’ve had an idea of what’s it’s like, so hence I an ‘qualified’ to say that I dun like it.’ And I’m happy just knowing that at least I’ve set that as a future plan, than to not have any plans at all to fulfill some of my desires, which have been borne out of some of the principals by which I have set for myself with regards to how I should live my life.

So my question to you now is this: are you happy?

It’s a very important question, you know… it might help you get your life on the right track… coz there’s no real point in living if you’re not happy. You’ll just be wasting precious oxygen.

So ask yourself that. After all, Plato did say that the unexamined life is a life not worth living.

If you’re not happy, I hope you’ll find your happiness one day… and live to the fullest… like these people:

In Memory of Sir Edmund Hillary (1919 - 2008)

I read this passage once, and for some strange reason thought of him:

He who bends to himself a joy,
Does the winged life destroy.
But he who kisses the joy as it flies,
Lives in eternity’s sunrise.

And then, there's this dear lady.

Have a good evening, folks!

If I had done this back in my school days...

2008-01-12T03:18:00.000+08:00

My mum would have killed me first, then call for help.

Just look here.

2008-01-07T23:11:00.000+08:00

The first week of 2008 was not all that eventful…

I mean, ok, so I had some great time with Him, but for some reason, we always expect the first day/week/month of the way to always have some sort of bang factor to it, like as though the new year MUST produce something totally fantastic in order for it to count as the new year.

Overrated, I say.

Still feeling quite tired, not very sure why… maybe it’s my body telling me I should start considering cutting out the 5-6 hours’ sleep each night and give serious consideration to 10 hours of beauty sleep.

Or maybe I just need to eat better (Sashimi, anyone? Lol)

Or maybe… it’s just work stress… we live in sg after all.

Things do look brighter this year, work-wise… but still, it’s hard to shake off the negative thoughts when they come along. The past few months spent living in hell haven’t exactly made me a more positive person… but I try, I try.

I was chatting to a friend yesterday and she was all for interfering into my private life. She’s really big on new year resolutions and so she asked me, “what’s your new year resolution for this 2008?”

I answered along the lines of ‘resolutions are fuck all useless and only for the pathetic’… politely, of course.

She didn’t really get the hint though (darn, I was too subtle) and started rattling off a whole bunch of areas of my life I should consider examining.

There was health – “all girls want to lose more weight! I always have that in my list of ny resolutions!”

Family – “I think we should all try to spend more time with our families.”

Work – “Let’s motivate each other lah! Aim for promotion this year! I’ve been stuck on this rung for ages!”

(I snugly informed her that I did get a promotion end-Nov 07)

And let’s not forget, love.

How do I say it? I think that if I do not judge your moral standards, you shouldn’t tear mine apart in return. After all, we all have different opinions, right?

So if, as an example, I wanna keep fucking a man who social conventions say I shouldn’t be fucking, what’s it to you if I decide on such a route?

“I think we should all be better people lah… you should be more, like, proper lor. It’s improvement what! And there are lots of nice guys around still!”

blah… nice guys dun fuck nice.

Then she offered to set me up on a blind date with some male friend of her boyfriend.

Woohoo! New record! Blind date offer just 7 days into the new year! I was only expecting them during CNY from relatives.

I wasn’t really pissed off with her or anything.. I mean, she’s nice and all and does love animals (that’s how I differentiate b/w good and bad people; good people like animals, period).. I just tolerate all her other weirdness.

But I guess what surprised me was how she came to the assumption that I sleep around, and that I probably date very very bad boys or older men…. Not that it upsets me or anything, I’m old enough to look beyond such crap, and it is a fact after all, lol… but it is curious.

She’s not a close friend, so she knows jack shit about my personal life, except that I’m vanilla-single. Yet, somehow…

Lol, I must be emitting some sort of vibe.. makes me wonder.. do ‘promiscuous’ (for want of a better word) people have a different sort of look about them? Maybe we have more of a glowing complexion in comparison to others – it’s a scientific fact that more sex = more glow.

Or maybe it’s just my general attitude towards life and the things I’ve said before on certain issues.

Whatever it is… if anything, that conversation just served as a reminder to me not to judge people too quickly and force my morals down their throats... a sort of 'resolution' for the new year...

Make love, not war, people… more love!

My dear close friends, thank you for not judging me and for accepting the path I’ve chosen.

Have a good one this 2008...

2008-01-01T22:21:00.000+08:00

It's the first day of the new year 2008 and guess what? I'm sick :(

What a way to usher in the new year...

But anyway... I hope all of you had it better than me, save for those who over-drank and are now being punished with hangovers.

I spent New Year's eve at home with the family... cooked a great turkey (pictures to come soon!). Counted down to 2008 by hyperventilating while Taufik sang and grooved away on tv... He.Is.So.Sexy.

Lol...

Here's wishes to one and all for a great 2008, one of happiness and good health, where all your desires come to pass.

Now's the time to get rid of the extra weight you piled on during Christmas and NY celebrations... CNY is barely a month away! *screams in horror* How exhausting... and we're gonna be baking our nonya pineapple tarts again!

Some family traditions... you've just got to keep.

Anyway... here's a little something for you guys... one of my favourite singers/composers... he's classic, man! Plus the fact that he's baba, lol...

And while we're at it, why not one more?

And on that note... that's all, folks! Good night... I need to recover!

2007-12-29T07:00:00.000+08:00

It's 7am and i haven't freaking slept all night!

I'm sooo tired, my body is aching, but i just couldn't get to sleep. So when i finally gave up tossing around in bed (by my lonesome self, if i might add), I got up and started surfing the net.

Considering that I haven't done this in a while, it was nice to just spend some time stalking other people, reading their blogs etc.

some people think blog-reading is pathetic, but i find it very interesting. apart from updating yourself on the happenings in friends' lives, it's always interesting to look at strangers' blogs and try to get an idea of what that person is all about, from his/her writing style.

which makes me wonder, what sort of conclusions do strangers arrive at after reading my own blog? do they think i'm a slut for having no qualms about pre-martial sex (i'm guessing many stuck-up-your-ass s'poreans will think that), a fun slut to know because i have no qualms about pre-martial sex, an intelligent being who every now and then says something remotely witty, a bitch for my attitude towards some things in life, or (god forbid) a young innocent goody-two-shoes (while I've no problems with such people, i have this notion that guai ppl = boring ppl, dun ask me why)?

i get comments every now and then... and lots of weird advertisements for long-lasting erections (i can arrange that on my own, thank you very much)... comments that range from "great blog" to, like one comment i really remember, someone telling me i'm a whore for sleeping with many people such as an older angmoh (i dun recall ever saying i change sex partners like i do my underwear) and that i deserve all the sad periods which occured in my past due to karma.
i dun publish such comments coz well... what's the point really? i'm not about to engage in pointless debates with fuckwits... dun have enough free time on my hands for that. and publishing the good comments just seem arrogant.

but having said that, i do get mad at some of the mean comments at times... coz i think it's wrong to judge someone from your own moral high-ground. if you choose a certain set of morals to live by, good for you. but u dun force others to follow them, it's just plain wrong.

just as i think it's wrong for the gahmen to tell me i gotta work longr coz i can only die after 85. i'll choose to die whenever i want to, god damn it!

anywayz...

sigh.. i wanna go clubbing! i wanna go new asia bar! i've been hearing about it for AGES but have yet to set foot into it. so ulu pandan! all my clubbing clothes are just rotting in my cupboard lor... if i can still fit into them, that is, lol. oh, and st james, i wanna go there too... heard there's good live jazz... and gotham, if they still have the male strip dancers, that is ;)

but it's such a pain to go clubbing... u gotta find people to go with you, you gotta have money in the wallet to go out, and you have to pray very hard that you meet attractive men there instead of the usual bunch of wankers... or at least some good dancers on the dancefloor... sheesh..

ok, i know i'm rambling on... i've started yawning now, so i'm gonna jump into bed and try to get some sleep... i just wish my bloster was a little hard... makes it easier to pretend you've a warm male bod with you in bed :P

Back...

2007-12-29T04:06:00.000+08:00

Ok... I'm back...

Yes, I know, it's been freaking ages since i last posted, but in my defence, I've been very busy... so much has happened, some good, some bad... and most days, at the end of it all, I dun really want to run through the whole thought process again and relive the experience (meaning, i've been having lots of stressful days).

Let's see... what's been happening...

Well, there was that major event I was organising... the few weeks before it happened, i was spending lots of time screaming on the inside... I seriously considered the possiblity of an alcohol IV drip - yes, it was that stressful.

But the whole thing went on quite smoothly, if I may say so myself, lol. And so now, i'm breathing slightly better - just got to clear up the admin shit.

Still, the stress has not really gone away... i keep worrying abut work, and I dun like to look into my wallet coz it's always heartbreaking... but there's some exciting projects lined up for 2008, so I'm hoping it'll all work out fine.

I've one more dog now... so that's three in total!

random information, lol...

oh, and i went on a date... after like, ages... as in, soooo long since my last date, i wasn't quite sure what to do. there's not going to be any follow-up coz we're too similar, aka well... we're just too similar.

it's not so much that i dun want to go on dates, it's the lack of suitable men out there that's the problem. it's not my fault i can't find dates because the entire sg male population is FUCKED UP.

or maybe i'm just too fussy, lol... too bad, if i'm to go dating, i'll rather spend the time with someone i can tolerate. i mean, i dun really ask for much... a movie and dinner (bringing me to watch a play earns you extra brownie points - i wanna watch Shanghai Blues, btw), maybe some drinks at a place which has good live music... good meaningful conversations... or just hanging out watching YouTube clips of gd comedy skits for example... that hard to ask for?

Oh, I forgot... men just want SEX.

I'm not adverse to that concept... I mean, dating doesn't have to be totally virginal.. I'm open to a friendly grope on the butt... some making out etc... but for me, chemistry is very important... if there's no connection, babe, then how much fun can one get from sexual activity? there should at least be a little spark... doesn't have to be the fireworks i-wanna-marry-you type. I'm not looking for long-term commitment here, after all.

and in case you're wondering, i'm still with Him. yup, that one date hasn't changed things between us. in fact, He encouraged it. after all, our relationship is sorta of the underground variety... He has His vanilla persona, so nothing wrong with me seeking my own.

i guess it's like... I love Him very much... but coz of the constraints of the relationship, i can't go out in public with Him to do stuff like movies and dinner, or even a candlelight v-day dinner where I'm wooed.. and sometimes, i think, I'll just like to do something like that for the experience. So if I can't do it with Him, why can't i look for someone else for that?

There, I've said it - I'm only looking for dates as a poor substitute... just a guy to use for my own personal satisfaction and desires which He can't give me (and i do not fault Him a single bit for that - I knew all along that's part of the deal)

No wonder no guy would wanna date me... asian men can't stand the concept of being dispensable, a toy that a woman wants, some light entertainment to discard aside when she no longer has need for it, to revisit when she's bored again. and i find that weird. I would have thought that men would jump at the opportunity for some quick fun company with no strings attached - i mean, it doesn't just have to be about sex, right? it can be good conversations and company, and maybe sex. But nooo... asian guys have to feel all important... they can't wrap their brains ard the concept of spending some time with a woman whose heart has already been completely given to another male.

but what the fuck... if i can't date, it's no big loss to me. As a rather cheesey movie quote says, He completes me. and that's good enough for me.

:X to Him

with the new year coming up... people are talking about new year resolutions and all that shit. I had spent christmas in a god-forsaken part of the world and had lots of time to think this one through.

I wun really call it a resolution... just some life pointers for 2008... and i've decided that I'll spend more time taking care of myself... manicures, pedicures, massages, lots of reading of good books, doing some jigsaw puzzles, travel to at least one new country... and i've gotta take good care of my health too - i've been falling sick quite a lot recently, something which rarely happens to me, so I think that's a sign that I gotta pay more attention to my well-being. oh, and i MUST learn to drive this year!

but essentially, 2008 is going to be all about me, me and more me. as selfish as it may sound... i think i deserve it, or rather, if i dun do so, i'll break down sooner or later.

also... i gotta start paying my friends more attention.

which reminds me... a mention... just hosted a dinner party for a bunch of friends this evening.. spent about 2 hrs cleaning up after that, lol. but it was good fun.. we did it as sorta like, a christmas gathering.. and i always need more love ard christmas time.

december's always a bittersweet time of the year for me. i like the christmas light-up along orchard rd, the carols... and the food! there's such a wonderful atmosphere of giving and love all around during this period.. but at the same time, this period always reminds me of something which i did some years ago near christmas day and that always fills me with a sort of emptiness. i've been dealing better with it over time... i mean like now, i have to think carefully before i can recall the exact date - a sign that perhaps i've forgiven myself a little now... but still, i do remember, and i do still eat myself up over it. some may call that being over-sensitive, or even over-dramatisation.... wtf, it's just me, the way i am, i can't help it.

esp when i got myself into a little accident some months ago... silly me.

fuck.. i just noticed the time... time to sleep now... i'm still very tired from my overseas trip, so i'm gonna use this weekend to recover... zzzzz...

and if i dun post again til new year... happy new year to all of you! may 2008 be a bright one where all your hopes, dreams, wishes are fulfilled!

Free Burma - Will you do your part?

2007-10-02T14:27:00.000+08:00

Join international bloggers who are preparing an action to support the people of Myanmar by setting a sign for freedom.

Join us as we refrain from posting to our blogs on 4th October, save to put up one banner, underlined with the words "Free Burma!"

Go here to see how you can join

2007-09-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

That lump at the side of my gum was getting really really painful today. It was a pain that stretched along the jaw, down to the neck. I couldn’t even brush my hand against that side of my face, touch my cheek, coz that’ll hurt.

It reached the point where I had to grab a cold soft drink can and rest it against my cheek.

I hate dentists… granted I’ve never had nightmare experiences with them when I was young, but still, I just dun like them. I still remember the gross sandy grainy thing they used to use to clean my teeth – I’ll imagine accidentally swallowing it and getting poisoned. So after I left primary school, I never went to see a dentist again. Ever. I never had the need to do so – my teeth are ok, thank God.

But now… it looked like a trip to the dentist was unavoidable.

Another thing I hate… medical sort people who nag at you about your vices. So I’m a smoker, but it’s my bloody body, and gums… of course I know what happens to the body when you smoke – MOH does a good job reminding me – but that’s my problem.

But the dentist just went on and on and on. In the beginning, when he looked into my mouth, he started tsking and moaning about what a bad state my insides are, like as though all my teeth have fallen out like that. Then he proceeded to paint me a doomsday scenario of what’ll happen if I continue smoking.

But after he did an x-ray and took a closer look at the insides, he had to admit that it was THAT bad… that it was a gum infection which just needed antibiotics and that perhaps I should get my teeth cleaned (which I did agree, considering how I haven’t done anything to them since I was 12).

And then he sent me off with 50 bucks worth of drugs. Thankfully, one of them was a rather effective painkiller.

So I’m feeling better now… still kinda irritated, but at least I’m not walking around with an ice pack to my cheek.

Oh, by the way… I’ve signed up for a gym membership…

Lol, I know some of you are thinking, ‘for what??? Your estate got gym what!’

No, I’ve not won the lottery or something… I just decided I needed to have a hobby, something to do regularly… and by making it exercise, I’ll be killing two birds with one stone – having a hobby, and losing weight, and God knows I need to lose weight.

And this membership Nis found us, is quite good. They’ve a number of outlets where the members aren’t the picture-perfect, ‘you-dun-fucking-need-a-gym-with-that-bod’ sort. I prefer that, coz as confident as I try to be, I can still feel intimidated by such people in a gym, especially when they strut around in expensive branded sportswear like they’re doing the catwalk instead of exercising. Like, why spend so much on clothes you’re gonna soak with sweat??? If I’m gonna spend money on nice clothes, hell I’m not going to exercise in them. A big comfy tee and shorts is good for exercise, and really helps facilitate movement.

Maybe I’m just a lowly being without the ability to buy brands… someone who doesn’t understand the mentality of you rich high-class silly people.

Anyway… and the gyms are well-equipped, they conduct group sessions with interesting classes like stepxercise, kickboxing, dancing, yoga… so I wun get bored. They even have aqua-aerobics!

Their changing rooms are lovely, with lockers and a sauna and steamroom… and ya, their members seem decent. Normal people like myself… working types…

Plus, there was an offer! So we got the membership cheaper than usual. Lol... so while i do have to be more prudent with my spending now, at least i dun have to sell an arm and a leg. and when the wallet hurts, u're even more determined to get ur money's worth!

So now Nis and I have plans to fully utilize our membership… it’s good to have a partner so we can motivate each other to go for classes etc..

Lalala… I just need to find my track shoes… I have this sinking suspicion that i lost them when moving house… fuck, that means I need to dig out money from some hole to buy shoes.

Stay tuned for the latest episode of ‘SgFairy’s weight fight!”

And the birthday candles went out

2007-09-20T01:30:00.000+08:00

So this is what a 24th birthday feels like eh?

I’ve a lump on the side of my gums which is aching like hell and making it really uncomfortable for me… I’ve had 2 meetings, back to back this later afternoon stretching into night…

24th doesn’t feel very nice.

But then again, I’ve never had huge birthday celebrations, save for the one I had in kindergarten (but it doesn’t count since I was a little girl then and little girls should have at least one such party) and my 21st birthday – which I think my parents did coz you’re supposed to, for your children’s 21st.

So wtf… it’s reached the stage when it’s just another day… only, you give urself a wider smile in the mirror.

But he did bring me out for a drink after the meetings… :P so he forgot my birthday, but oh well, lol, from the looks of it, it’s something I’m gonna have to get used to for the years ahead… but at least he was nice to me, and when I told him it was my birthday (ya I know, thick skinned, but it was a busy day and I was looking for some sympathy), he apologized. He could have just gone, “so?”

And though I only got home after 11pm, the moment I stepped into the door, a birthday cake was brought out, with 2 candles, and the family sang me the birthday song. This even though my bro had school the next day (he’s the sort who must get his beauty sleep) and my dad looked like he needed sleep too.

Guess the family’s not too bad too…

Now to tackle the new year…

881

2007-09-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

Brought my mum to see 881 today… I had gone to watch it some days earlier with Nis and totally loved it. I was determined to drag my mum down for it… Hokkien blood runs through her veins, and her family background’s such that she would be familiar with all the getai etc…. how can resist a Hokkien musical dramady?

Where to start… to explain why 881 is going to be the new addition of my ‘Favourite Movies’ list in Friendster…

As a story, it’s entertaining… on one hand it’s very funny, and it has its extremely corny moments (begging the Getai Goddess for super singing powers… and who can forget the laser-shooting durian bras). On the other hand, it’s very moving… crying-buckets-of-tears sort of touching.

Also, I’m a sucker for dialect movies, especially if the subtitles are very accurate. I mean, hey, I’m losing touch with my ethnic roots here in SG – I blame the ‘speak mandarin’ campaign. Plus, the conversations are very real, very ‘daily-life’. And there wasn’t really any of the ‘it’s the gahmen lah!’ sort of speeches jack neo is well-known for. How many times can you take lamentations about the gahmen, I ask you?

Then there are the songs. Lovely lovely pieces… of course Hokkien songs are generally very depressing – it’s either about the lack of money, parents ill-treating the kid, a woman struggling to survive in the prositution line, or health problems. But still, in this day and age where songs generally do lack depth and are soooo boring, it was refreshing.

The costumes were breath-taking. I’ve always secretly dreamt about wearing clothes full of sequims, with feathers in my hair… that sort of drag-queen look. And the main leads looked very nice indeed, though I must say I thought one of their outfits (the kindergarten flower petal band around the face) was a little gross, lol. I can’t name a favourite costume, but I did particularly like the Egyptian outfit and the finale white piece.

Cinematography. I’m no expert in that field, but I think Roystan Tan did very well in using the right camera angles etc to really bring out the essence of the story. And oh man, especially the last part in the hospital where one of the girls was dying… sob sob… so powerful. What made it even more touching was the sort of scenes which took place prior to the death scene… seemingly normal conversations, nothing like the loud wailing Taiwanese mourning type… it made everything feel somewhat more real.

So yes, 881 did leave a really deep impression on me. And after the movie, my mum was like, “why you.. sob sob.. bring me to watch… sob sob… this kind of movie? I thot it’s a fun thing! But… sob sob.. see lah! Now I cannot lift my face.. sob sob.. to walk ard in public, wait… sob sob… ppl see my red nose!”

Anyway... here's my favourite song from the movie... i'm so going to memorise it. Me, memorise a Chinese-Hokkien song?!?! ya, that's how much i like it. and i'm going to get the movie song cd too!

National Day 'you-work-til-you-die' Rally

2007-08-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

I’m not quite sure how I should react to the National Day Rally.

I mean.. I guess I should feel comforted that the govt is thinking about my future etc… but I’m not so sure I like how they view it.

How motivated can a person get with the whole ‘city of possibilites’ thingy when the future painted for me involves lots more work, more of my hard-earned money going to the govt, and a longer wait time til I get my money back?

And seriously… can we really live THAT long in such a stressful environment? What’s worse, if I ‘die before my time’ my hard-earned money goes to the govt! of course I could opt for my fund money going to my family, but it’ll be at a higher premium, and probably a much more complicated paperwork process. But it’s my money!!!!!

Basically… it just sounds like lots and lots of work with little returns. They talk about upgrading etc… but it’s just… I dun know, not at all motivating.

I want to know that I can be happy here… that my life can and will be enriched. Not just in monetary value, mind you, but culturally etc…

It’s just like what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days since I saw PM Lee’s National Day speech – what’s the point of having a high standard of living but low quality life?

Ahh… ignore me… I’m rambling.

Lalalalala.....

2007-08-18T02:32:00.000+08:00

I’m almost afraid to say this…..

THE REUNION WAS A SUCCESS!!!!!!

It feels like a dream, you know… it went on soooo well, it felt like, it could only be a dream, coz reality seldom is that kind.

At final count, we had 20-plus people… and I was very touched when some of the guys came down after whatever it was they had to attend to. One of the guys, whom we had thot wouldn’t show, appeared after 11.

I was also touched when one of the usually bochap guys demanded we send out a proper list of all contacts so we could add one another on msn

Already there’s talk about our next reunion… so things sound good.

I just know I’m not going to be the one organizing the next gathering! Lol

2007-08-14T22:32:00.000+08:00

I’m so nervous… our sec 1-2 reunion gathering’s on this Friday, and I’m panicking.

Well ok, so I was being all drama-mama… I’m not having a breakdown over it but I am somewhat nervous

It’s kinda amazing.,.. seemed like not too long ago when we decided to do it. Then, it seemed as though we’ll never be able to contact people etc, but we’ve managed to speak to almost everybody since.

And now, it’s really gonna happen. I’ve not seen 90% of them for at least 8 years now (we’re older liao!) and I’m really curious to find out how everyone’s turned out. At the same time, I’m worried ppl’ll look at me and think, ‘ah, she’s wasted away since sec sch” or something dramatic like tt, lol.

Then there’s the food… what if everyone gets food poisoning from my food? Lol… that’ll be a memorable reunion, lol.

Aiyah… I guess no real point thinking abt it lah… we’ll just see what happens on Friday

I just wish I had lost some weight for the reunion… I feel like I’ve put on weight!

And you would have thought that all that stress from work would slim me down :P

National Day Speech

2007-08-09T02:32:00.000+08:00

In case you're wondering, PM Lee has spoken... from the top floor of the National Library.

The man's gotta show that he's funky mah!

But his National Day speech, unfortunately, was not so funky... very typical really. See here.

Some of the stuff he talked about... you just knew they would get mentioned. For example:
1) SG does well with economic growth and jobs
2) SG does well in sports
3) SG students are smart and winning stuff
4) SG is efficient so hence, we got F1
5) SG is whoring itself so we're getting the IRs

Well ok fine... so PM Lee didn't say the 'whoring' bit in point 5... but you get my point.

Of course he also talked about things like the aging population, how more capable aka rich S'poreans must help the less fortunate ones etc, and that we gotta basically work hard and support ourseleves and not take early retirement coz your CPF will not enough.

But that's stuff they've been talking about all year anyway.

But you know... I wish there was more mention on 'heart-ware' and cultural stuff.

If you follow the link I set above, you'll see the summary of PM Lee's speech and I quote:

"Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong has called on Singaporeans to work together to transform the country and make it a special home for everyone.
He said in ten years' time, it would be a new Singapore with its own unique identity and a can-do and never-say-die spirit of the Lion City. "

So you have words like, 'special home', 'identity' and 'spirit'... but it's all so cold and calculative-like. As I read it I thought... it's like encouraging robots to work harder... 1983 - Big Brother is watching to make sure you work hard so everyone will survive and will become even more hardworking (aka 'never-say-die').

He's effectively managed to turn the word 'home' into something cold, empty, lonely... a city of tall gleaming glass buildings that screams 'effectiveness' but is essentially cold. We have to keeep working, striving to hit the mark and be efficient professionals.

Where's the "enjoy time with your family, take time out to relax, catch a movie (coz btw, SG films are getting better), attend a poetry recital, read a book.... even as you work, remember the little little precious things around you, coz that's what SG is about... being a warm home for you and me" or some speech like that.

It's like, the more they push this whole efficiency thing til instead of being happy that everything will get oh-so-efficient... i'm more depressed.

This year's NDP theme is 'Nationa Day Festival: City of Possibilities' and once again, it comes across as being so technical. Possible to host F1, possible to have IR, possible to be biotechnology centre of region, possible to be so high-tech with wireless all over the island and HD tv in every homes. The promo banners are so dead.. it's so sad lah!

There's no... possible to marry and start a family with no worries, possible to manage time between work and everything else, possible for everyone to live comfortably... possible to call this home... possible to be happy.

So maybe I'm whinning... but I think some of the things I've said are quite valid lor... I love my country very much and I do appreciate the little things like being able to walk down the streets at 3am in the morning without worry, the govt's attempts to keep radical ideologies out etc... but... the thing is this - Singapore has high standard of living, but low quality of life.

And we could all do with a little more love... instead of another 'World No. One'.

7.4 Earthquake hits Indonesia

2007-08-09T02:26:00.000+08:00

Apparently an earthquake has hit Indonesia... about 100km east of Jakarta.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_asiapacific/view/292957/1/.html

I do think the Indonesians quite the jialat!

2007-08-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

it's like you're here sometimes... and then just as quickly as you had appeared... you suddenly disappear and it's someone else.

support me... just as i have always tried to support you the best i can.

Oh, how fragile life can be...

2007-08-01T23:45:00.000+08:00

We (the family) have been visiting my aunt every week... and it's been very painful... after every visit, i walk away feeling old and tired... like a weary warrior walking away from the battlefield, limping with injuries.

She's been sick... and every time we visit her, it's to see her in a worse state from the previous week. and it's scary, to see how she can get sicker so quickly. She could be talking normally etc... and then when we visit the next Sunday, she cannot speak anymore... you can see her mouth moving, but her voice's barely a whisper.

And i remember when she was ok... so full of life... she'll always be cooking for us... and she was such a good cook.

My aunt had had a tough life... and it was only in recent years that she's been happier. So it just seems so unfair, that now, when she can really be happy, this has to happen to her. and i feel really helpless, seeing her slip away, week after week.

it's worse when... every weekday... u wake up and wonder if it's the day you're going to get THE call...

i dun like that.. dun like it at all.

2007-07-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

work has been soooo busy... we got a new project so we're getting started with it.

but it's a bit hard when i'm losing my optimism over things... i guess it's just too much piling up, so the mood really gets affected.

i wonder how i'm going to pull things off... somehow i know i'll do a great job, but still at the same time, i'm like *pulls sad face*

and then there's the reunion gathering coming up... ahh, sometimes i think, let's just scrap that! but i can't do that now, can i? we've got to give it a shot at least... and if it really doesn't work out... then i'll just never do a reunion again.

i want a holiday!

:) He's promised one after our project... tt's something to look forward to...

i do need a break.... and lots of sleep... u know.. the sleep, then wake up to eat and bathe, then sleep again, and so on... ya... slep sounds very very good. :)

2007-07-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

ok... so i started reading harry potter at about 11am, and by the time i finished, it was 4am sunday morning.

of course there were the breaks in between, the meals, showers etc.... but all in all, about 14 hours were all i needed to complete the final book in the harry potter series.

and i feel kinda empty now coz well.. the series has ended for me... no more books to look forward to.

the book was shockingly violent... it wasn't just 2 people getting killed off in the book, but a whole range of characters. i was totally thrown off when at page 70-something, Moody was killed. i was like "WTF?!?!?!?!?!"

my little scream caused heads to turn in my direction when i read that.

but all in all, good book. some might say, the ending was too 'happily ever after' and i admit i found it a little too bubble-gum sweet when i read how things had progressed nineteen years later... but hey, it IS a children's book after all. and rowling balanced off the miserable bits quite well with the cheery ones.

i'm gonna give it a month, then i'll read it again :D

meanwhile... bye harry!

Hi, I'm SG Fairy, I'm a 'Harry Potter-holic'

2007-07-21T01:39:00.000+08:00

I never knew I could be so 'into' Harry Potter.

Stop laughing, Nis... yes, I said stop!

Only a few more hours to go... then my nose'll be buried in the Deathly Hallows, and I will not stop til I reach the last page!

Then someday, when I'm free (which'll be like, never), perhaps I'll do a study of Harry Potter... literature, you know... I think it'll be very interesting to explore all the different themes raised in the series, as well as study what made the series such a global success.

You do know the operative word in the above paragraph was 'perhaps', right?

been so busy lately... so stressed, and xin also very the fan. It's like, if I might use Harry Potter as an example, lol, running through the maze in the final stage of the Triwizard - being in the dark, feeling lost, bumping into challenges here and there.

And today... i got into a little something with Him and i was sooo upset about it. He wanted me to do something, i did a 'sample', asked Him to look at it (to cover ass mah) and He approved it. He even asked me to change some of the wordings after i did a couple of print drafts. Then suddenly, He decided it wasn't what He had wanted, and blew His top at me. And deep inside, i was sooo upset.

Maybe we both misunderstood each other. maybe when He saw my drafts, He thought it was for something totally different, and it was only much later than He realised what He wanted was not on paper. And I had somehow thought He understood my explanations etc... and anyway...

It was just all one big mess lah! We were so tired, snap snap snap away.

So harry potter will be good fun... an escape... almost like a holiday into another world...

And hopefully... next week... sun'll shine, everything will be just perfect!

Or else, I'll just cry.

2007-07-18T23:55:00.000+08:00

i'm tired of being my parents' punching bag... of them pouring all their worries out to me. i mean, i guess it's like, they do need to talk to someone to share problems like friends do... but sometimes, the things they talk abt... just seems too private a thing for a daughter's ears.

esp when it's complaints abt each other.

i'm just tired you know... it's draining me.. mentally, emotionally... i just dun know how to deal with things anymore... with so much going on... i feel so weighted down i'm suffocating.

so many things to worry about... so many things to do... i dun have the strength and energy for it all.

and i just wanna crawl into bed, hide under the covers and cry.

Have sex also must quene one ah???

2007-07-15T01:50:00.000+08:00

This is why SG's status as a fucking... opps, i meant, funky town, is not gonna come (in more ways than one) anytime soon:

http://littlemissdrinkalot.blogspot.com/2007/07/post-birthday-shag-that-was-not-to-be.html

My heart goes out with you, girl.

"You have low blood pressure"

2007-07-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

And so this was what the doc said when i finally went to visit him today.

I had thought that was it was just a lack of sleep you know...

But apparrently, things like, stress, improper diet etc can cause it too.... kinda like high blood pressure, only it happens to drive everything 'down under'.

explains the dizzy spells i get when i suddenly stand up.

So, i resolve to eat better, and eat more... doc said it's not serious enough... just that, well, BP is low... just not, dangerously low. so no need pills, just a change in habits.

Oh and i'm supposed to cut the smoking too :P

screw the smoking bit... Nis, wanna go CHIJMES for meat feast?

Live Earth 7.7.07

2007-07-07T04:50:00.000+08:00

We gotta heal the world... make it a better place.. for you and for me and the entire human race! *sings*

It's like the ads on tv these past days... Global Warming is for Real!

It's something we've got to start seriously thinking about... this ain't politics and stuff... it's a very important issue that can and will affect our lives in the very near future if we do not do something about it.

Some people say Live Earth is a load of crap... just some PR stunt... but as long as people are talking about it, they'll be talking about global warming... and that's what we need, for people to realise that yes, GLOBAL WARMING IS FOR REAL.

i hope the people who read my blog are the intelligent beings i'll like to think they are... lol.

Go visit the Live Earth website... and i hope you'll join the many others, in making a commitment to combat global warming here:

http://liveearthpledge.org/answer_the_call.php

2007-06-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

sometimes it’s the little things which people say that can really affect you and make you feel like you’re the worst creature crawling around on the face of the planet.

You know those people dun really mean what they say, or if they did mean to use that particular tone, it was just that they were having a bad day and decided to be a jerk coz they want others to hurt as much as they’re hurting.

Yet, even though you know it, you cannot help still feeling terrible.

And that’s kinda sad, isn’t it… to allow yourself to be affected by the idiotic antics of others… those people cannot help but be jerks, but that doesn’t mean you should let it get to you – that’s the theory at least.

But when I get hurt like that… I just wanna wrap my hands around that person’s neck and strangle him/her, scream at that person and shout “f**k off, you f**king idiot! Haven’t you hurt me enough?”

Still, I go back to that person and be nice… coz it’s just in my nature. The woman who professes to have a heart of stone, who doesn’t give a damn… goes back and continues to let herself get hurt.

I should have listened to my English teacher Ms Ng all those years ago when she said I’m too magnanimous to be the point of being masochistic and people will always take me for granted because of that.

Right now I’m just going to content myself with images of that bitch getting slapped by me… even though I know it’s something I’ll never do.

I’m probably just pms-ing

Preparations underway.. well, kinda

2007-06-23T03:03:00.000+08:00

this evening i met with some old sec sch friends... four of us were in the same class from sec 1-2. and i dun know about you, but i have fonder memories of my sec 1-2 class than the sec 3-4 one... perhaps coz the sec3-4 class was a combination of different groups of people from different classes... and the competition was not really good in helping develop friendships.

anyway... the purpose of the meeting was to consolidate our contacts so we could get started getting our old classmates to this reunion gathering i maintain i was emotionally blackmailed into putting together.

tt took less than 20 minutes. and for the remaining 3-plus hours we were together, we just sat in this cafe and ate and chatted.... some catching up, talking about the old days.

one of the guys i met tonight was this person i used to have a major crush on in sec 2. and as we talked about the stuff we all did together, i turned to look at him and i wondered, how in the world did i fall for him anyway? through our conversation, i was reminded how i hated him in sec 1 coz i thought he was an arrogant piece of shit, and he never even participated in class gatherings, and was always so difficult when i had to coordinate the silly cheering/singing practices for inter-class competitions.

and yet somehow, i had fallen head over heels with this guy... and boy did he cause me a lot of heartache in my angst teenage years, right up into upper sec... and now that i think about it... i really wasted a lot of time pinning away for him, when we're so not compatible. i mean, he's a great guy, a good friend to have, but as a bf... we really wouldn't have made it.

shows you just what misguided teenagers we were... not really able to make decisions... even with frienships, i made some mistakes along the way...

thank goodness i'm all grown up now... err, well, at least that's what i think... hahaha

2007-06-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

Had a rather stressful week..... He's not around so I've been feeling like, extra lost with work... feel a heavier load coz I've got to make the office somehow work out... and I felt like I had a zillion and one things to do, on top of others...

Plus... I've been sleeping really badly.... I seriously considered going to this nice doctor I know to get som valium... coz I've really got to stop waking up who-knows how many times in the middle of the night.... and when I get jolted from my sleep, I find it really hard to fall back into dreamland again coz I'll be quite awake... and when it's morning and I do finally have to get up, I'm exhausted.

I'll be away next week... back to bangkok for some work... that's another source of stress, coz everything has to go really smoothly while there... and I've got to really be patient and try to never get upset and bitchy while there even when stressed... not good to vent on Him... ya, He'll be there too.

Know what i need? A good whole day at the spa or a beach somewhere or something.. just curl up with a good book and a constant supply of ciggies and alcohol...

AAhhhhh..... Cafe Iguana's Magaritas!

At least I went out for a little while just now... food therapy (what else?) with Nis... that helped a bit...

I'm rambling..... better stop now... I'm reading Harry Potter again *big sheepish grin* I know some people think it's a trashy book, but coz it's kinda brainless reading, it helps me relax better. Besides, I gotta refresh my memory for the last book instalment and the movie!

Your fault, Nis... turning me into a Harry Potter slut.

By the way, could I borrow books 1 and 2, Nis? *adjusts halo on head*

Crystal ball reading

2007-06-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

I was on my way back to the office from an errand this afternoon when a Sikh stopped me.

At first I thought he was a tourist who was lost and needed help with directions.... but I soon realised that it was not to be.

It's very weird when just 10 seconds after meeting you, the guy tells you a couple of stuff about yourself that you haven't blabbered to others. It's like, "woah... wait a min here, what's going on?"

I mean, when you go visit a fortune teller of some sort, they talk to you a bit first, then start saying stuff about you they might just as well have derived from their few minutes' conversation with you. It's all scientific... mental... psychology. That I understand and would take what they say with a pinch of salt.

But when a complete stranger starts saying stuff about you that he wouldn't have known after just saying "hi!".... that's curious... and freaky.

Of course at the end of it all, he said he wanted to take just 5 minutes of my time and give me a blessing (for a fee, I'm sure). Some might say, "well, you should have taken it, since he was so fantastic!" but I didn't. When you take my religious background into consideration, I'm just not too such stuff. It's just.... not right... and a waste of money.

But ya... the encounter did leave me a little shaken during the rest of the day... I kept playing back in my mind some of the stuff he had said...

And in case you're wondering... one of his predictions for me was that I'll make lots of money next month!

Now that I'll take!

Pirates dun get good endings, right?

2007-05-31T22:35:00.000+08:00

Went to watch 'Pirates' with the family today... being a public holiday and all that.. it was quite nice to be out for a bit with them.

The movie really did live up to expectations... I thought it was really good... the effects, the witty conversations... and of course, I got a shiver down my spine when I heard the 'Welcome to Singapore!" bit.... I know, cheap thrill.

But the ending... OMIGOSH... why why why did it have to end like that? You work so hard, risk your life, and that's the sort of thanks you get????

Life's an unfair bitch!

But oh well... still.. overall... a good end to a trilogy.

Btw, I heard that after the credits ran... there's this short scene where you see Orlando Bloom with a small boy... is that right? Anyone saw it?

Could that mean that part 4 might just happen???

*shivers with excited anticipation*

Cheers!

2007-05-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

To a better week than the last one...

i really hope it'll be so.

2007-05-27T23:29:00.001+08:00

Dr Mirko Bargaric, you who are a law professor at Deakin University and author of the book ‘Torture: When the unthinkable is morally permissible’…

It’s precisely because of people like you that more Americans will keep on getting killed each day, be it in Iraq or elsewhere.

You are the real enemy… not the extremists.

Good thing there are individuals like people like Charles Krulak and Joseph Hoar… sane people.

And those of you without a clue what I’m talking abt… read the blardy ST today… Review, pg 19.

shit week

2007-05-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

This week has ben terrible... just terrible... i feel terrible... i dun even know what to feel or think. i'm confused, lost, angry, sad, alone...

it's like a nightmare come to life... and i dun know how to deal with it, except to keep my mind occupied.

sigh.... i'm kinda glad the weekend is here now... i just wanna chill, stone, let my mind go blank so i dun think at all. but then again, i'm afraid.... when i'm alone at home... nothing's to stop me from thinking again.

i think i'll open a bottle of wine.

2007-05-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

this morning, at about 4-plus, i heard some voices....

ya, i also thought they were voices in my head.

but then i realised, noooo.... it's more like from the tv or something... and then i noticed the lights from the living room area through my bedroom door.

coz i was so tired, i just thought i'll ignore it. i figured my brother was up, getting ready for school and stuff.

but the volume was just toooooo loud. i mean, i could hear word for word what was being said. i even knew it was from a harry potter movie. then i looked at my clock and saw the time - i was pissed. why the hell is my bro doing up at that hour, watching a dvd?????

so i got out of bed, opened the door and yelled at my brother for being an inconsiderate bastard who really shouldn't be watching tv at this hour, but getting sleep, so he'll be all bright and awake for school later. i shouted at the brother who's taking his o levels this year, and had failed everything subject but english for his CA.

then i slammed my bedroom door shut, really hard.

but the damage had been done. i couldn't get back to sleep. so at 5, i got up, showered, cycled to the mrt station, and took the train to office, where i spend about 1 1/2 on my computer on some work before my eyes got too sleepy, so i napped at my desk for a bit.

i was so freaking tired throughout the day lor.... plus i had this huge major presentation to give to my boss and colleague and really needed to be alert.
thank goodness the presentation worked out fine.

but ya... i'm sooooo pissed with my brother. it's just insane, what he did.

so i ignored him when he greeted me when i got home that night. call me petty... but i think what he did was just toooooo much. it's the o level year for goodness sake!

humph!

2007-05-19T15:13:00.000+08:00

Dr Mirko Bargaric, you who are a law professor at Deakin University and author of the book ‘Torture: When the unthinkable is morally permissible’…

It’s precisely because of people like you that more Americans will keep on getting killed each day, be it in Iraq or elsewhere.

You are the real enemy… not the extremists.

Thank you for people like Charles Krulak and Joseph Hoar… sane people.

And those of you without a clue what I’m talking abt… read the blardy ST today… Review, pg 19.

Big bad Wolf gets bitten in the butt

2007-05-18T23:28:00.000+08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/6667975.stm

And this is a good one: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/6664107.stm

But still.... the World Bank did give in to him somewhat... I wish they hadn't