SG Fairy

My dear friend, nis, has identified the reason why she'll have problems with relationships - bfs will tie her down.

I quote her: "i do not like to be tied down. - i do not like to feel as though my whole life revolves one other person - because it doesn't. - i cannot commit myself to one person at any time."

Then she went on to describe the behavior of some couples.. you know, the sort that appear to be siamese twins joined at the hip? Ya, that type.

She said, "when you are in a relationship, 'permission' has to be sought in everything (almost everything) that you do/want to do. every single action/move/behavior of yours will be under scrutiny - by others, by your other half, sometimes even by yourself. you constantly have to think, "if i go do this, would he/she mind?" or "if i were to go do this, what would he/she do?".i cannot go through that restriction of not being able to do things that I want to do because i feel like doing it.i cannot endure the reporting that needs to be done for every course of action that you take."

My godsis, a.k.a. best-est friend has a really irritating boyfriend. I mean, ya, at the end of the day, as long as she is happy, that's all that should matter... but still, sometimes I wonder why she lets him control her so much. And mind you, she's no goody-2-shoes. But she can't be out later having dinner with a bunch of frenz whom she's known way before meeting her bf, she has to be home by 10pm. Like, hello, we've a bunch of GIRLS, so what's there to be so insecure about? But no! Like that also cannot! She has to be home by ten, then she calls her bf to report, then tells him she's tired and going to bed, then she sneaks out of the house after that.
I love her a lot... but sometimes... I do wonder about her bf.
At least he doesn't beat her or something... if he did, I'll cut his balls off.

But the point is... ya, there are couples out there who are damn sticky. I get goosebumps when I meet those who must do EVERYTHING together, are always staring at each other with puppy dog eyes (u'll think that they would get tired of looking at each other after a while), but always report to the other on what they ate, when they shitted, when they peed, even when they blinked their eyes!

I remember another person I knew... we happened to be together, just sitting ard and she suddenly gasped and exclaimed that she hadn't contacted her bf. She then proceeded on to smsing furiously to him. In the few seconds it took for him to reply, she kept worrying that he'll be mad with her for not contacting him. I later found out they contact each other EVERY hour. I asked, "so what do you guys talk abt if you're contacting each other all the time?" She replied, "Just to tell him what I'm doing and that I lurve him lots lor!"
I almost puked
I was tempted to ask... "so even middle of the night, you get up every hour to sms him to tell him you were sleeping is it?"

I'll die if I ever have a bf like tt. No, I wun even start to like a guy that possessive. Yes, I think I'll like to get an sms a day from him, just to say hi, tell me he's thinking of me... but not every bloody hour! And no, I do not want to have to ask him for permission to go take a crap each time the need arises. And I do not want him tagging along every single place I go.

Yes, perhaps in the first month or so, the 'honeymoon' period, we'll want to be together all the time, coz that's what you're supposed to be doing when you're madly in 'love', so to speak. But after that.. err... not all the time, thanks.

So yes, I do agree with Nis that there's always the danger of a super-glue relationship.

But, I don't think I'll ever get into one.

I mean, I know myself, I know what I want. A clingy bf is not one of them. When I'm dating, I'll get to know the guy, his character and personality etc. So from there, I'll already know if he's an insecure sonofabitch. And let's say he does manage to slip through the radar, the moment I find that out, I'll dump him, no matter how in 'love' I am. Coz I treasure my independence and freedom a lot, far beyond love. i HATE it when people tell me what to do, and they want to control my life... absolutely HATE IT.

Eunice said, "others, like yours truly, will start to go through a certain phase of what i termed as 'the wilting phase'. things just get dreary and boring after awhile. that level of initial excitement turns into boredom, and eventually you will look elsewhere to get new excitement.it is a vicious cycle - it is. because this latter group of people will never ever get to settle down because they are constantly 'on the move', in search of more exciting things to keep themselves entertained."

I don't think so, dearie... don't be too hard on yourself.

As long as you find a guy who is similar to you, in terms of relationship expectations at least, you'll be fine. Trust me, there are a zillion men out there afraid of being tied down to a relationship, afraid of having a clingy gf... they want to beable to go boozing with the guys, and they dun really want you around when they go geylang to check into a room, to watch soccer coz that's when they become little boys who start crying when their team missed a goal.

So you get your honeymoon period.. then when things settle down... you dun meet/keep in contact that often, so things are kept interesting. coz when you dun meet every single day, there's room to miss that person, think every now and then, 'hmm, I wonder what's he doing now?' Things dun get boring... in fact, they just get more stable. Because you cannot expect to depend on love for a relationship to work. Love is but a silly emotion. And chemistry does not equal to love... you need chemistry, friendship, communication, trust, respect... all of that in the relationship, together with love.

I dun want a relationship that's always in the budding phrase. Cos that'll be too unreal.. where everything seems so perfect, but actually, is all hanging by a thread, coz of insecurity in the midst of the relationship.
If I'm going to get into a relationship, I want something stable... theatrics are not that important.

So no dear, you're not going to be left on the shelf. You're just a sensible girl who can see beyond all the lovey-dovey acts. You're secure enough to want to have a life that includes a bf, but not a life that IS your bf. Big difference.

I'll kick your ass if you ever become a clingy bitch.