Saturday, December 29, 2007
It's 7am and i haven't freaking slept all night!
I'm sooo tired, my body is aching, but i just couldn't get to sleep. So when i finally gave up tossing around in bed (by my lonesome self, if i might add), I got up and started surfing the net.
Considering that I haven't done this in a while, it was nice to just spend some time stalking other people, reading their blogs etc.
some people think blog-reading is pathetic, but i find it very interesting. apart from updating yourself on the happenings in friends' lives, it's always interesting to look at strangers' blogs and try to get an idea of what that person is all about, from his/her writing style.
which makes me wonder, what sort of conclusions do strangers arrive at after reading my own blog? do they think i'm a slut for having no qualms about pre-martial sex (i'm guessing many stuck-up-your-ass s'poreans will think that), a fun slut to know because i have no qualms about pre-martial sex, an intelligent being who every now and then says something remotely witty, a bitch for my attitude towards some things in life, or (god forbid) a young innocent goody-two-shoes (while I've no problems with such people, i have this notion that guai ppl = boring ppl, dun ask me why)?
i get comments every now and then... and lots of weird advertisements for long-lasting erections (i can arrange that on my own, thank you very much)... comments that range from "great blog" to, like one comment i really remember, someone telling me i'm a whore for sleeping with many people such as an older angmoh (i dun recall ever saying i change sex partners like i do my underwear) and that i deserve all the sad periods which occured in my past due to karma.
i dun publish such comments coz well... what's the point really? i'm not about to engage in pointless debates with fuckwits... dun have enough free time on my hands for that. and publishing the good comments just seem arrogant.
but having said that, i do get mad at some of the mean comments at times... coz i think it's wrong to judge someone from your own moral high-ground. if you choose a certain set of morals to live by, good for you. but u dun force others to follow them, it's just plain wrong.
just as i think it's wrong for the gahmen to tell me i gotta work longr coz i can only die after 85. i'll choose to die whenever i want to, god damn it!
anywayz...
sigh.. i wanna go clubbing! i wanna go new asia bar! i've been hearing about it for AGES but have yet to set foot into it. so ulu pandan! all my clubbing clothes are just rotting in my cupboard lor... if i can still fit into them, that is, lol. oh, and st james, i wanna go there too... heard there's good live jazz... and gotham, if they still have the male strip dancers, that is ;)
but it's such a pain to go clubbing... u gotta find people to go with you, you gotta have money in the wallet to go out, and you have to pray very hard that you meet attractive men there instead of the usual bunch of wankers... or at least some good dancers on the dancefloor... sheesh..
ok, i know i'm rambling on... i've started yawning now, so i'm gonna jump into bed and try to get some sleep... i just wish my bloster was a little hard... makes it easier to pretend you've a warm male bod with you in bed :P
I'm sooo tired, my body is aching, but i just couldn't get to sleep. So when i finally gave up tossing around in bed (by my lonesome self, if i might add), I got up and started surfing the net.
Considering that I haven't done this in a while, it was nice to just spend some time stalking other people, reading their blogs etc.
some people think blog-reading is pathetic, but i find it very interesting. apart from updating yourself on the happenings in friends' lives, it's always interesting to look at strangers' blogs and try to get an idea of what that person is all about, from his/her writing style.
which makes me wonder, what sort of conclusions do strangers arrive at after reading my own blog? do they think i'm a slut for having no qualms about pre-martial sex (i'm guessing many stuck-up-your-ass s'poreans will think that), a fun slut to know because i have no qualms about pre-martial sex, an intelligent being who every now and then says something remotely witty, a bitch for my attitude towards some things in life, or (god forbid) a young innocent goody-two-shoes (while I've no problems with such people, i have this notion that guai ppl = boring ppl, dun ask me why)?
i get comments every now and then... and lots of weird advertisements for long-lasting erections (i can arrange that on my own, thank you very much)... comments that range from "great blog" to, like one comment i really remember, someone telling me i'm a whore for sleeping with many people such as an older angmoh (i dun recall ever saying i change sex partners like i do my underwear) and that i deserve all the sad periods which occured in my past due to karma.
i dun publish such comments coz well... what's the point really? i'm not about to engage in pointless debates with fuckwits... dun have enough free time on my hands for that. and publishing the good comments just seem arrogant.
but having said that, i do get mad at some of the mean comments at times... coz i think it's wrong to judge someone from your own moral high-ground. if you choose a certain set of morals to live by, good for you. but u dun force others to follow them, it's just plain wrong.
just as i think it's wrong for the gahmen to tell me i gotta work longr coz i can only die after 85. i'll choose to die whenever i want to, god damn it!
anywayz...
sigh.. i wanna go clubbing! i wanna go new asia bar! i've been hearing about it for AGES but have yet to set foot into it. so ulu pandan! all my clubbing clothes are just rotting in my cupboard lor... if i can still fit into them, that is, lol. oh, and st james, i wanna go there too... heard there's good live jazz... and gotham, if they still have the male strip dancers, that is ;)
but it's such a pain to go clubbing... u gotta find people to go with you, you gotta have money in the wallet to go out, and you have to pray very hard that you meet attractive men there instead of the usual bunch of wankers... or at least some good dancers on the dancefloor... sheesh..
ok, i know i'm rambling on... i've started yawning now, so i'm gonna jump into bed and try to get some sleep... i just wish my bloster was a little hard... makes it easier to pretend you've a warm male bod with you in bed :P
Back...
Ok... I'm back...
Yes, I know, it's been freaking ages since i last posted, but in my defence, I've been very busy... so much has happened, some good, some bad... and most days, at the end of it all, I dun really want to run through the whole thought process again and relive the experience (meaning, i've been having lots of stressful days).
Let's see... what's been happening...
Well, there was that major event I was organising... the few weeks before it happened, i was spending lots of time screaming on the inside... I seriously considered the possiblity of an alcohol IV drip - yes, it was that stressful.
But the whole thing went on quite smoothly, if I may say so myself, lol. And so now, i'm breathing slightly better - just got to clear up the admin shit.
Still, the stress has not really gone away... i keep worrying abut work, and I dun like to look into my wallet coz it's always heartbreaking... but there's some exciting projects lined up for 2008, so I'm hoping it'll all work out fine.
I've one more dog now... so that's three in total!
random information, lol...
oh, and i went on a date... after like, ages... as in, soooo long since my last date, i wasn't quite sure what to do. there's not going to be any follow-up coz we're too similar, aka well... we're just too similar.
it's not so much that i dun want to go on dates, it's the lack of suitable men out there that's the problem. it's not my fault i can't find dates because the entire sg male population is FUCKED UP.
or maybe i'm just too fussy, lol... too bad, if i'm to go dating, i'll rather spend the time with someone i can tolerate. i mean, i dun really ask for much... a movie and dinner (bringing me to watch a play earns you extra brownie points - i wanna watch Shanghai Blues, btw), maybe some drinks at a place which has good live music... good meaningful conversations... or just hanging out watching YouTube clips of gd comedy skits for example... that hard to ask for?
Oh, I forgot... men just want SEX.
I'm not adverse to that concept... I mean, dating doesn't have to be totally virginal.. I'm open to a friendly grope on the butt... some making out etc... but for me, chemistry is very important... if there's no connection, babe, then how much fun can one get from sexual activity? there should at least be a little spark... doesn't have to be the fireworks i-wanna-marry-you type. I'm not looking for long-term commitment here, after all.
and in case you're wondering, i'm still with Him. yup, that one date hasn't changed things between us. in fact, He encouraged it. after all, our relationship is sorta of the underground variety... He has His vanilla persona, so nothing wrong with me seeking my own.
i guess it's like... I love Him very much... but coz of the constraints of the relationship, i can't go out in public with Him to do stuff like movies and dinner, or even a candlelight v-day dinner where I'm wooed.. and sometimes, i think, I'll just like to do something like that for the experience. So if I can't do it with Him, why can't i look for someone else for that?
There, I've said it - I'm only looking for dates as a poor substitute... just a guy to use for my own personal satisfaction and desires which He can't give me (and i do not fault Him a single bit for that - I knew all along that's part of the deal)
No wonder no guy would wanna date me... asian men can't stand the concept of being dispensable, a toy that a woman wants, some light entertainment to discard aside when she no longer has need for it, to revisit when she's bored again. and i find that weird. I would have thought that men would jump at the opportunity for some quick fun company with no strings attached - i mean, it doesn't just have to be about sex, right? it can be good conversations and company, and maybe sex. But nooo... asian guys have to feel all important... they can't wrap their brains ard the concept of spending some time with a woman whose heart has already been completely given to another male.
but what the fuck... if i can't date, it's no big loss to me. As a rather cheesey movie quote says, He completes me. and that's good enough for me.
:X to Him
with the new year coming up... people are talking about new year resolutions and all that shit. I had spent christmas in a god-forsaken part of the world and had lots of time to think this one through.
I wun really call it a resolution... just some life pointers for 2008... and i've decided that I'll spend more time taking care of myself... manicures, pedicures, massages, lots of reading of good books, doing some jigsaw puzzles, travel to at least one new country... and i've gotta take good care of my health too - i've been falling sick quite a lot recently, something which rarely happens to me, so I think that's a sign that I gotta pay more attention to my well-being. oh, and i MUST learn to drive this year!
but essentially, 2008 is going to be all about me, me and more me. as selfish as it may sound... i think i deserve it, or rather, if i dun do so, i'll break down sooner or later.
also... i gotta start paying my friends more attention.
which reminds me... a mention... just hosted a dinner party for a bunch of friends this evening.. spent about 2 hrs cleaning up after that, lol. but it was good fun.. we did it as sorta like, a christmas gathering.. and i always need more love ard christmas time.
december's always a bittersweet time of the year for me. i like the christmas light-up along orchard rd, the carols... and the food! there's such a wonderful atmosphere of giving and love all around during this period.. but at the same time, this period always reminds me of something which i did some years ago near christmas day and that always fills me with a sort of emptiness. i've been dealing better with it over time... i mean like now, i have to think carefully before i can recall the exact date - a sign that perhaps i've forgiven myself a little now... but still, i do remember, and i do still eat myself up over it. some may call that being over-sensitive, or even over-dramatisation.... wtf, it's just me, the way i am, i can't help it.
esp when i got myself into a little accident some months ago... silly me.
fuck.. i just noticed the time... time to sleep now... i'm still very tired from my overseas trip, so i'm gonna use this weekend to recover... zzzzz...
and if i dun post again til new year... happy new year to all of you! may 2008 be a bright one where all your hopes, dreams, wishes are fulfilled!
Yes, I know, it's been freaking ages since i last posted, but in my defence, I've been very busy... so much has happened, some good, some bad... and most days, at the end of it all, I dun really want to run through the whole thought process again and relive the experience (meaning, i've been having lots of stressful days).
Let's see... what's been happening...
Well, there was that major event I was organising... the few weeks before it happened, i was spending lots of time screaming on the inside... I seriously considered the possiblity of an alcohol IV drip - yes, it was that stressful.
But the whole thing went on quite smoothly, if I may say so myself, lol. And so now, i'm breathing slightly better - just got to clear up the admin shit.
Still, the stress has not really gone away... i keep worrying abut work, and I dun like to look into my wallet coz it's always heartbreaking... but there's some exciting projects lined up for 2008, so I'm hoping it'll all work out fine.
I've one more dog now... so that's three in total!
random information, lol...
oh, and i went on a date... after like, ages... as in, soooo long since my last date, i wasn't quite sure what to do. there's not going to be any follow-up coz we're too similar, aka well... we're just too similar.
it's not so much that i dun want to go on dates, it's the lack of suitable men out there that's the problem. it's not my fault i can't find dates because the entire sg male population is FUCKED UP.
or maybe i'm just too fussy, lol... too bad, if i'm to go dating, i'll rather spend the time with someone i can tolerate. i mean, i dun really ask for much... a movie and dinner (bringing me to watch a play earns you extra brownie points - i wanna watch Shanghai Blues, btw), maybe some drinks at a place which has good live music... good meaningful conversations... or just hanging out watching YouTube clips of gd comedy skits for example... that hard to ask for?
Oh, I forgot... men just want SEX.
I'm not adverse to that concept... I mean, dating doesn't have to be totally virginal.. I'm open to a friendly grope on the butt... some making out etc... but for me, chemistry is very important... if there's no connection, babe, then how much fun can one get from sexual activity? there should at least be a little spark... doesn't have to be the fireworks i-wanna-marry-you type. I'm not looking for long-term commitment here, after all.
and in case you're wondering, i'm still with Him. yup, that one date hasn't changed things between us. in fact, He encouraged it. after all, our relationship is sorta of the underground variety... He has His vanilla persona, so nothing wrong with me seeking my own.
i guess it's like... I love Him very much... but coz of the constraints of the relationship, i can't go out in public with Him to do stuff like movies and dinner, or even a candlelight v-day dinner where I'm wooed.. and sometimes, i think, I'll just like to do something like that for the experience. So if I can't do it with Him, why can't i look for someone else for that?
There, I've said it - I'm only looking for dates as a poor substitute... just a guy to use for my own personal satisfaction and desires which He can't give me (and i do not fault Him a single bit for that - I knew all along that's part of the deal)
No wonder no guy would wanna date me... asian men can't stand the concept of being dispensable, a toy that a woman wants, some light entertainment to discard aside when she no longer has need for it, to revisit when she's bored again. and i find that weird. I would have thought that men would jump at the opportunity for some quick fun company with no strings attached - i mean, it doesn't just have to be about sex, right? it can be good conversations and company, and maybe sex. But nooo... asian guys have to feel all important... they can't wrap their brains ard the concept of spending some time with a woman whose heart has already been completely given to another male.
but what the fuck... if i can't date, it's no big loss to me. As a rather cheesey movie quote says, He completes me. and that's good enough for me.
:X to Him
with the new year coming up... people are talking about new year resolutions and all that shit. I had spent christmas in a god-forsaken part of the world and had lots of time to think this one through.
I wun really call it a resolution... just some life pointers for 2008... and i've decided that I'll spend more time taking care of myself... manicures, pedicures, massages, lots of reading of good books, doing some jigsaw puzzles, travel to at least one new country... and i've gotta take good care of my health too - i've been falling sick quite a lot recently, something which rarely happens to me, so I think that's a sign that I gotta pay more attention to my well-being. oh, and i MUST learn to drive this year!
but essentially, 2008 is going to be all about me, me and more me. as selfish as it may sound... i think i deserve it, or rather, if i dun do so, i'll break down sooner or later.
also... i gotta start paying my friends more attention.
which reminds me... a mention... just hosted a dinner party for a bunch of friends this evening.. spent about 2 hrs cleaning up after that, lol. but it was good fun.. we did it as sorta like, a christmas gathering.. and i always need more love ard christmas time.
december's always a bittersweet time of the year for me. i like the christmas light-up along orchard rd, the carols... and the food! there's such a wonderful atmosphere of giving and love all around during this period.. but at the same time, this period always reminds me of something which i did some years ago near christmas day and that always fills me with a sort of emptiness. i've been dealing better with it over time... i mean like now, i have to think carefully before i can recall the exact date - a sign that perhaps i've forgiven myself a little now... but still, i do remember, and i do still eat myself up over it. some may call that being over-sensitive, or even over-dramatisation.... wtf, it's just me, the way i am, i can't help it.
esp when i got myself into a little accident some months ago... silly me.
fuck.. i just noticed the time... time to sleep now... i'm still very tired from my overseas trip, so i'm gonna use this weekend to recover... zzzzz...
and if i dun post again til new year... happy new year to all of you! may 2008 be a bright one where all your hopes, dreams, wishes are fulfilled!
