Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Do you all realise.... that we're now a little more than halfway through 2006?
Fast eh?
This year.... it has been a little of a weird year... spent close to half a year in a floating state of lost identity in terms of my 'work' coz I mean, I was working and all that, but I still felt like an undergrad. I suppose the commencement ceremony wasn't a waste of time after all, helping me to really close that chapter of my undergrad years. Now, I really do feel like, I AM WOMAN'... not a little girl, not a teenage girl, not a young lady... but a woman.
Lol... somehow, it gives one a certain heightened sense of sexuality.
anyway...
I had a little sms conversation with a fren my age just now... she just msged to say hi, and we got to talking a bit.. and when i asked her about her plans etc, she told me that she didn't know what she wanted, what she would like to do... nothing. I thought she was being overly-dramatic and asked her "but you at least know when you'll have wedding bells right? (she's very big on marriage :P)" and she replied, "I used to have a idea of the when... but now i dun really know what to even do with my life leh! like, very blur leh! see how lor!"
and i didn't know what to make out of it... i mean, this girl used to have her entire life planned out.. she'll recite every planned stage of her life like a mantra... and she was really focused on her goals. If i remember correctly, it was something like, get job once graduate, engaged 3 years later, marriage the following year. a child 2 years into the marriage, the second one 3 years later, after which, she'll be a housewife.... and she would always declare to us, voice full of firm conviction, that all that will happen, to the dot. she had aims, nvm whether they were realistic or not. and now, from all that she told me (i'm obviously not going to tell you all every single thing she said!), she just seemed so totally lost.
i think that's the worst.... it's one thing not to beable to fulfill your life goals, it's another to not have the slightest aim in life.
and it kinda pained me to hear her talk like that... she wasn't just standing at crossroads, wondering which turn to take. it was like, she was not even on a road, but completely floating in darkness.... a sharp contrast to what she was like in the past.
and the most scary thing is, it wasn't like as though something tragic had happened in her life, and so hence she now felt lost. it was a case of, waking up one morning, and just suddenly feeling so shitty.
i pray that i'll never be like that. i mean, i dun have my entire life planned out as thoroughly as my fren had in the past, but at least i have some vague ideas as to what i want.... example, get my own place by the time i'm 30; if i'm single at 35 then i'll start seriously thinking about whether i should find a sperm donor, or adopt, or have no kid at all; get some form of business going by 40; that's also the latest age by which i can delay starting my retirement fund. --- the ages change every now and then, but that's the rough idea. and it's a sorta comfort, having that rough timeline drawn out somewhere in the back of my mind.
and i hope i would never wake up one day, and feel totally lost.
better log out before i ramble on further.. lol... you guys must be thinking "wtf is this post even about?"
i just wanna write, cannot ah? :p
Fast eh?
This year.... it has been a little of a weird year... spent close to half a year in a floating state of lost identity in terms of my 'work' coz I mean, I was working and all that, but I still felt like an undergrad. I suppose the commencement ceremony wasn't a waste of time after all, helping me to really close that chapter of my undergrad years. Now, I really do feel like, I AM WOMAN'... not a little girl, not a teenage girl, not a young lady... but a woman.
Lol... somehow, it gives one a certain heightened sense of sexuality.
anyway...
I had a little sms conversation with a fren my age just now... she just msged to say hi, and we got to talking a bit.. and when i asked her about her plans etc, she told me that she didn't know what she wanted, what she would like to do... nothing. I thought she was being overly-dramatic and asked her "but you at least know when you'll have wedding bells right? (she's very big on marriage :P)" and she replied, "I used to have a idea of the when... but now i dun really know what to even do with my life leh! like, very blur leh! see how lor!"
and i didn't know what to make out of it... i mean, this girl used to have her entire life planned out.. she'll recite every planned stage of her life like a mantra... and she was really focused on her goals. If i remember correctly, it was something like, get job once graduate, engaged 3 years later, marriage the following year. a child 2 years into the marriage, the second one 3 years later, after which, she'll be a housewife.... and she would always declare to us, voice full of firm conviction, that all that will happen, to the dot. she had aims, nvm whether they were realistic or not. and now, from all that she told me (i'm obviously not going to tell you all every single thing she said!), she just seemed so totally lost.
i think that's the worst.... it's one thing not to beable to fulfill your life goals, it's another to not have the slightest aim in life.
and it kinda pained me to hear her talk like that... she wasn't just standing at crossroads, wondering which turn to take. it was like, she was not even on a road, but completely floating in darkness.... a sharp contrast to what she was like in the past.
and the most scary thing is, it wasn't like as though something tragic had happened in her life, and so hence she now felt lost. it was a case of, waking up one morning, and just suddenly feeling so shitty.
i pray that i'll never be like that. i mean, i dun have my entire life planned out as thoroughly as my fren had in the past, but at least i have some vague ideas as to what i want.... example, get my own place by the time i'm 30; if i'm single at 35 then i'll start seriously thinking about whether i should find a sperm donor, or adopt, or have no kid at all; get some form of business going by 40; that's also the latest age by which i can delay starting my retirement fund. --- the ages change every now and then, but that's the rough idea. and it's a sorta comfort, having that rough timeline drawn out somewhere in the back of my mind.
and i hope i would never wake up one day, and feel totally lost.
better log out before i ramble on further.. lol... you guys must be thinking "wtf is this post even about?"
i just wanna write, cannot ah? :p
