Monday, July 10, 2006
'conferred the bachelor of arts...'
so there i was, in the UCC..... there was such a bustle happening... graduates, parents, and other beings surrounding me....
i found some friends and we went off to the robing room... the guys were kinda hopeless... struggling with their gowns, their ties a mess... so i helped them out a bit, and then when my parents did come with my own fancy-wear, i got myself ready. my make-up was as perfect as perfect could be (damn that huge zit on my face! i had to use a ton of concealer for it) and my hair... well, i hadn't figured out some neat hair style for it, so it just flowed down. the mortarboard made my cheeks look extra fat, but fuck it, i wasn't gonna moan and groan abt it. it was my graduation - i should be emulating confidence and total joy.
:P
as i sat in the main ceremony hall, waiting for my turn (i was sitting in the last row, so it was a freaking long wait), i was somehow reminded of the movie 'Chicago'. one of the last few song-and-dance routines was this piece called 'Razzle Dazzle', which basically is about how the entire court session is like a circus performance... have impressive charts, raise your voice at the right moment, then soften up and appear all vulnerable when you need to appear so... you suck in the jury and dazzle them with so much rubbish, they can't think anymore. the entire court session ends up not really being a court session, but a whole wonderful, glorious dance act. it's all fake... all stuff dressed up so nicely it no longer resembles anything remotely close to the truth. and that was what the entire convocation was becoming, to me at least. but then i can be such a cynical old bitch sometimes.
there were friends i met, friends who were't really friends... we'll all go 'HI!!!', complete with big smiles and hugs and well wishes... and then we'll walk away from each other, with no intention to keep just-made promises to keep in touch - we hated each other guts too much during school. most of the people there i didn't even know, really... since i had delayed my graduation by a year and had missed most of my batch.
the entire ceremony was so duh... so many people on stage that i didn't recognise... the number of people i clapped for were so few... when it came to be my turn to go up, i kept chanting to myself "dun fall, dun fall, dun fall, dun fall...." i walked up, waited for my name to be called, went to the dean, shook his hand, got my scroll, and was walking down the stage already. halfway to the collection point to get my cert, i stopped and thot, 'wait a min, it's over already???' all that hard work for three bloody years summed up in just a couple of seconds?????? i felt so cheated.
i mean, the thingy i got on stage wasn't even personalised lor.... just some white scroll holder... we only got our certificates backstage after it was over. i understand that that system prevents any mistake being made but still.... i felt the entire label of being a 'graduate' suddenly cheapen.
after the ceremony ended, we all went out and that's when it got really chaotic...
people scrambling ard to take pics and stuff... and my parents were like, 'oh let's go out and take pics!'
they were like, so eager to take pics of me in my gown... it was totally embarrassing lor... i felt like some trophy being dragged ard... "oh stand here, the flowers behind very nice!", "take here, got the commencement banner here"... me, i did want to find some friends to take pics with, but i never can understand why people have this thing abt taking pics with flowers... not like nus flowers are that pretty anyway.. and my dad had to drive to my hall, and take a pic of me with the entire hall as my backdrop. the entire thingy just overwhelmed me...
back home after dinner... i finally had some peace and quiet to myself in my room, and sat down and starting thinking... yes, all the big ceremonial hoo-ha is nice... but it's even better to just sit down and think abt the entire graduation thing. for the past 3-4 years, my identity was as an undergraduate majoring in political science... now, my identity has changed, i am a graduate with a bachelor of arts. i am a working woman now. when you sit and really think about how your identity is different now, how your entire life is different now, then the entire significance of graduation really hits you then.
when i first got my nus package, full of information abt the various subjects the arts faculty had to offer, and the various orientation activities available, it was the start of a new chapter in my life. and i had a rough idea of what that chapter would be like, and how it would end.
today, in just one day, the old chapter was closed and a new one opened in just a few seconds. the main difference b/w both chapters is, i have no idea what this new chapter is going to be like.
and that both scares and excites me.
i found some friends and we went off to the robing room... the guys were kinda hopeless... struggling with their gowns, their ties a mess... so i helped them out a bit, and then when my parents did come with my own fancy-wear, i got myself ready. my make-up was as perfect as perfect could be (damn that huge zit on my face! i had to use a ton of concealer for it) and my hair... well, i hadn't figured out some neat hair style for it, so it just flowed down. the mortarboard made my cheeks look extra fat, but fuck it, i wasn't gonna moan and groan abt it. it was my graduation - i should be emulating confidence and total joy.
:P
as i sat in the main ceremony hall, waiting for my turn (i was sitting in the last row, so it was a freaking long wait), i was somehow reminded of the movie 'Chicago'. one of the last few song-and-dance routines was this piece called 'Razzle Dazzle', which basically is about how the entire court session is like a circus performance... have impressive charts, raise your voice at the right moment, then soften up and appear all vulnerable when you need to appear so... you suck in the jury and dazzle them with so much rubbish, they can't think anymore. the entire court session ends up not really being a court session, but a whole wonderful, glorious dance act. it's all fake... all stuff dressed up so nicely it no longer resembles anything remotely close to the truth. and that was what the entire convocation was becoming, to me at least. but then i can be such a cynical old bitch sometimes.
there were friends i met, friends who were't really friends... we'll all go 'HI!!!', complete with big smiles and hugs and well wishes... and then we'll walk away from each other, with no intention to keep just-made promises to keep in touch - we hated each other guts too much during school. most of the people there i didn't even know, really... since i had delayed my graduation by a year and had missed most of my batch.
the entire ceremony was so duh... so many people on stage that i didn't recognise... the number of people i clapped for were so few... when it came to be my turn to go up, i kept chanting to myself "dun fall, dun fall, dun fall, dun fall...." i walked up, waited for my name to be called, went to the dean, shook his hand, got my scroll, and was walking down the stage already. halfway to the collection point to get my cert, i stopped and thot, 'wait a min, it's over already???' all that hard work for three bloody years summed up in just a couple of seconds?????? i felt so cheated.
i mean, the thingy i got on stage wasn't even personalised lor.... just some white scroll holder... we only got our certificates backstage after it was over. i understand that that system prevents any mistake being made but still.... i felt the entire label of being a 'graduate' suddenly cheapen.
after the ceremony ended, we all went out and that's when it got really chaotic...
people scrambling ard to take pics and stuff... and my parents were like, 'oh let's go out and take pics!'
they were like, so eager to take pics of me in my gown... it was totally embarrassing lor... i felt like some trophy being dragged ard... "oh stand here, the flowers behind very nice!", "take here, got the commencement banner here"... me, i did want to find some friends to take pics with, but i never can understand why people have this thing abt taking pics with flowers... not like nus flowers are that pretty anyway.. and my dad had to drive to my hall, and take a pic of me with the entire hall as my backdrop. the entire thingy just overwhelmed me...
back home after dinner... i finally had some peace and quiet to myself in my room, and sat down and starting thinking... yes, all the big ceremonial hoo-ha is nice... but it's even better to just sit down and think abt the entire graduation thing. for the past 3-4 years, my identity was as an undergraduate majoring in political science... now, my identity has changed, i am a graduate with a bachelor of arts. i am a working woman now. when you sit and really think about how your identity is different now, how your entire life is different now, then the entire significance of graduation really hits you then.
when i first got my nus package, full of information abt the various subjects the arts faculty had to offer, and the various orientation activities available, it was the start of a new chapter in my life. and i had a rough idea of what that chapter would be like, and how it would end.
today, in just one day, the old chapter was closed and a new one opened in just a few seconds. the main difference b/w both chapters is, i have no idea what this new chapter is going to be like.
and that both scares and excites me.
