Friday, February 02, 2007
Do you ever feel sometimes like everything is crumbling around you? Like being in a house you like, one with such strong foundation it makes you feel secure, safe from the elements… then suddenly, you see it all falling apart… and you feel so exposed, so helpless, so lost.
You have no idea what is going on… why this is happening, or how you’re going to overcome it. You just know that you feel like you’re dying too along with the foundation… your energy being sucked away by some mysterious force. You dun know who to turn to, what to do…. You just feel, like you’re hanging in mid-air.
So you escape… run away as far and fast as you can from all that’s close to you. You escape from your home on your bike, feeling the wind kiss your face, as though telling you ‘it’ll be alright soon, dun you worry’. You ride out into the darkness, the little beams of light shining from the street lamps. You ride under the shade of trees. You pass by people walking together, eating by the beach and you sneer at them for doing that, all the while knowing deep inside that you really just envy their ability to relax like that. You would like a drink, but you know you can’t, not in such a state. The fish & chips does smell good though.
Out there, alone with just Mother Nature, you start breathing more easily. You feel the muscles in your body start to relax, the knots in your temple disappearing. You start to smile a little smile, sing along with the rock star serenading into your ear… you convince yourself that he’s singing just to you and you alone, perhaps because… could it be possible, that you’re special? What a novel idea!
You stop your bike along the beach, and sit on a little stone bench. It’s cold. You light a cigarette and watch the swirls of evil nicotine float out with the wind. And you sit there, staring out at the blinking lights bobbing along out at sea. You remember the days when you used to sail, canoe… be out that, a little dot in the deep blue sea… you remember how serene that was.
You remind yourself, that was ages ago, when you were young and free. Things are different now, you have responsibilities. You’re now a daughter, a sister, a slave, a lover, a worker, a friend… not that you were never those things when you were young, just that now, it’s just somewhat different.
You dun really know what you’re looking for. To beable to suddenly feel happy again just because you’re away from civilization? Ha, that’s impossible. So, so what are you looking for?
You dun know.
A little kitty cat catches your eye. It’s walking towards you. ‘Hey little fellow, are you feeling peaceful?’ you whisper to it.
The cat rubs itself against your calf and purrs.
It must be.
Perhaps you could be like that too. After all, logic says that if a little cat can feel that way, surely a human can do the same.
You get off the bench and stretch. You look down at the cat again and this time, notice that it has an awful scar along its side. The cat yawns and settles down to sleep.
You put a hand over your breast and feel your sore heart. And as the wind blows and flirts with your hair, you smile.
Frustration or no frustration, it doesn’t really matter, does it? Life still goes on… you just shrug your shoulders and move on. Mr. cat did that…. Move one day at a time, and the gash in the side will heal eventually.
Besides, you laugh to yourself, how tough would it be handling a bunch of emotions aggravated by PMS?
Nothing a half-litre tub of ice-cream cannot solve.
And so you cycle in the direction of home… not before stopping off at 7-11.
I’ll be better after a night’s sleep.
You have no idea what is going on… why this is happening, or how you’re going to overcome it. You just know that you feel like you’re dying too along with the foundation… your energy being sucked away by some mysterious force. You dun know who to turn to, what to do…. You just feel, like you’re hanging in mid-air.
So you escape… run away as far and fast as you can from all that’s close to you. You escape from your home on your bike, feeling the wind kiss your face, as though telling you ‘it’ll be alright soon, dun you worry’. You ride out into the darkness, the little beams of light shining from the street lamps. You ride under the shade of trees. You pass by people walking together, eating by the beach and you sneer at them for doing that, all the while knowing deep inside that you really just envy their ability to relax like that. You would like a drink, but you know you can’t, not in such a state. The fish & chips does smell good though.
Out there, alone with just Mother Nature, you start breathing more easily. You feel the muscles in your body start to relax, the knots in your temple disappearing. You start to smile a little smile, sing along with the rock star serenading into your ear… you convince yourself that he’s singing just to you and you alone, perhaps because… could it be possible, that you’re special? What a novel idea!
You stop your bike along the beach, and sit on a little stone bench. It’s cold. You light a cigarette and watch the swirls of evil nicotine float out with the wind. And you sit there, staring out at the blinking lights bobbing along out at sea. You remember the days when you used to sail, canoe… be out that, a little dot in the deep blue sea… you remember how serene that was.
You remind yourself, that was ages ago, when you were young and free. Things are different now, you have responsibilities. You’re now a daughter, a sister, a slave, a lover, a worker, a friend… not that you were never those things when you were young, just that now, it’s just somewhat different.
You dun really know what you’re looking for. To beable to suddenly feel happy again just because you’re away from civilization? Ha, that’s impossible. So, so what are you looking for?
You dun know.
A little kitty cat catches your eye. It’s walking towards you. ‘Hey little fellow, are you feeling peaceful?’ you whisper to it.
The cat rubs itself against your calf and purrs.
It must be.
Perhaps you could be like that too. After all, logic says that if a little cat can feel that way, surely a human can do the same.
You get off the bench and stretch. You look down at the cat again and this time, notice that it has an awful scar along its side. The cat yawns and settles down to sleep.
You put a hand over your breast and feel your sore heart. And as the wind blows and flirts with your hair, you smile.
Frustration or no frustration, it doesn’t really matter, does it? Life still goes on… you just shrug your shoulders and move on. Mr. cat did that…. Move one day at a time, and the gash in the side will heal eventually.
Besides, you laugh to yourself, how tough would it be handling a bunch of emotions aggravated by PMS?
Nothing a half-litre tub of ice-cream cannot solve.
And so you cycle in the direction of home… not before stopping off at 7-11.
I’ll be better after a night’s sleep.
