SG Fairy

I wonder why I never did anything about it... it was so obvious, the signs were all there, laid right before my eyes. Yet somehow, I ignored them. I could have stopped things right there and then, but because I was so reluctant to make a move, now, I can only shake my head in despair.

I have put on too much weight.

No, I am not one of those skinny model types who start contemplating suicide upon discovering that they have put on one gram of fat. Fat IS fat.

My skirt used to hang on my waist; now, it's up along my belly button.

I guess I was always aware that I had put on extra weight... I just somehow couldn't drag myself out of bed in the morning to hit the gym. I figured, geez, it's just some extra weight... as long as I dun look like Lydia Sum, who cares, right?

But now... I am starting to despair. I am getting upset about the extra baggage I am carrying. What's worst, I'm losing a little of my self-confidence. I avoid my sleeveless tops, halter tops... anything that shows too much skin, coz well, too much skin = too much fat. I used to enjoy wearing sleeveless tops coz one, Sg's weather is torturous, two, it's very comfortable, and lastly, I knew I looked good, especially when I bent down. Now, I'm opting once agin for my long-sleeved tops.

It hit me last night... I was at a birthday party and the girls there were all mainly of the stick-thin variety, in very short shorts/skirts and pieces of cloth passed off for tops. And there I was, feeling like a lump of fat, wishing a hole could just appear and swallow me up, saving me from further embarrassment.

I continued moping around when I got home... and then I realised, geez, girl, you're being so pathetic. Whatever happened to all that confidence, courage to strut around and hopefully, cause guys nosebleeds?

I will start hitting the gym again, starting from tomorrow morning; call that a birthday resolution. I am not going to do it coz I saw a nice top the other day and wished I could fit into it, I'm not doing it coz He patted my thighs the other night and commented that I could use some work on that.... I need to realise... I'm doing it for me... I refuse to go back to the days when I lacked in self-esteen, preferring to hide under layers of cloth. I wanna be all confident again... wear short skirts without feeling like a cow, coz I had been so worried last weekend about wearing a short skirt out with Him - I kept thinking of my fat thighs and how I'll look like a totaly pig beside Him... and feeling depressed about it, I stuffed my face with food... lol, what a vicious cycle.

I'm tired of being a lump of fat.

I will go to the gym tomorrow... and I will force myself to wear a nice top when I meet friends for dinner later in the evening.

I've got to.