SG Fairy

today was a terrible day... i'm not sure if it's just pms, or a combination of pms and some other shitty thing, or just me being plain shitty... but today sucked, big time.

and i thought birthdays are supposed to be damn shiok.

i woke up and watched a bit of the emmy's, made a mental note to watch it again at night so i could catch donald trump make a fool of himself. i got an sms from Him, telling me that He was back; that brought a smile to my face. then i went to the gym for an hour, was surprised that i still got my stamina... must be due to the regular sex He's giving me. i got back, talked a bit more to Him while i finished up on the ironing. i did watch a little cable... and ate a bit... lazied around til it was time to get ready to go out for dinner.

i was very touched... they got me a cake... mich and net gave me a lovely pair of earrings, and gosh, angie also got me a little something... i was thinking, just dinner, chit-chat, and say bye... oh, and get my bloody pics!!!!! i didn't get the pics, but i got a bunch of people singing the happy birthday song to me in a crowded restaurant, so embarrassing.

on the whole, it's not like i was tucked in bed all day, lying in the darkness, moping about. i did do stuff, move around etc, smile, laugh, chat.... i really enjoyed meeting up with the indo group again, and the little sms chat with Him... but still somehow, deep down inside, i was feeling very subduced.... very quiet inside, wishing i could indeed just spend all day in bed, lying in the darkness.... i wasn't feeling all gay about my birthday, or the day in general, at all.

now... i'm wishing i had money in my wallet, coz i really want a couple of drinks... it's my birthday, and i can't even get myself some booze... or ciggies, for that matter. while walking home, i saw a crumpled winston ciggie box on the ground - i wanted to pick it up and hug it. no alcohol, no ciggie... an empty home, with a shitty brother....

i was so frustrated... i have been spending so much time cooking for him, doing the clothes etc... he finished the chicken stew for dinner... but left one miserable piece of chicken neck... so the whole pot was clean, save for that piece of neck. and he finished the rice, but did not even bother to take the pot out. like fuck... i banged his door down and gave him a earful.

i'm feeling... i miss my parents... i'm so stressed out.... i kept worrying abt them all weekend... i really wish they were home... they're not here, i'm all alone, having to take care of the house... i'm worried shit about them... and i feel like screaming...

i suppose... sometimes... you worry and worry and worry... til it reaches a point where you just reach the end... and you break... i think i feel the responsibility as the eldest child... that i have to take care of my parents... i sit... talk to my mum, coz i know she wants someone to talk to, get all the stress out... and i sit with my dad too... i feel i have to be strong for them, be the pillar of strength, so they feel happy when they come home... but now...

i hate today...

lol... i am grateful i'm talking to ppl online... people trying to keep me sane.