Friday, June 17, 2005
Affairs of a friend's heart...
Met up with Nis and Na today for dinner (my friends don't have weird names, in case you're wondering... I'm just using short-forms; besides I don't think it'll be nice to put their real names down, they deserve their privacy)
Na's boyfriend died in a road accident about 2-3 weeks before Na's exams. She was shattered. I was so worried about her during that pre-exam period coz firstly, she was depressed, I was afraid she might go do something stupid. Second, I was worried about her exams, coz hey, normal beings like us only start on the real studying during this period.
Some days ago, I think it was on Tuesday, Na suddenly smsed me, saying that she wanted to meet me for lunch, could I make it? So we did, and I found out it was pretty much a case of her suddenly plunging into a deep low and just needing someone there for her, just to spend some minutes by her side.
It is good that she's opening up, in that she's got a holiday job, she's coming out of the house. During the exam period, I was trying to get her to come out, coz it's no good to coop yourself in your room; you start entertaining silly thoughts. She had been so reluctant then.
But she was the one who brought up the thing about having dinner with Nis and I.
And it was a good dinner... she wasn't as upset as when I had met her for lunch. During lunch she had been talking quite a bit about how she was feeling etc, and every now and then she'll break down in tears. But today we laughed, talked about the old days. There was once when there was a silence, and you could see that Na was zoning out, but Nis and I quickly brought her back in.
It was after dinner that we talked a bit about Na and her bf. She was the one who asked us questions, in her attempt to clear up this particular problem she had, doubts etc. And I think that is good.. that she's coming to people now. She said one thing just now which I was very happy about. She said that she knows she should be coming out more, meeting friends etc coz if she was alone at home, she'll start upsetting herself with all those thoughts.
That's progress.
I must say it's kinda draining emotionally though. I mean, I'm very glad to help her, no complaints. And I would do whatever I can for her. But it is still draining. Like during Tuesday's lunch, I was sharing some stuff with her, to illustrate a point I was trying to make... and that means you have to dig into your heart, bring up your experiences, and feel what those experiences make you feel. And, I don't know if I'm an emotional/sentimental sort of person, but during those times when I could see the pain actually on Na's face as she talked, my heart really went out to her and sometimes I reached the stage where I wanted to cry too, together with her.
Haha... I was just wondering... you know, I'm always doing this sort of stuff for friends, comforting/advising them etc... and I must stress once again: I have no complaints. It is always such a job to know that you can be a comfort/help/support to your friends. But... how many of my friends would do that for me in return if ever I needed such help, and I did approach them for it? I'm not saying it's like a, "I do for you, so you must also do in return" kind of thing. Doing something with the expectation that you'll get something in return, that's not called help. But ya, if I ever needed help... how many would do tt?
I can think of a few now... but... haha, my life has always been like that. Help, advise, comfort others... and when I'm in need, many of them disappear, only a small number remain. But I am grateful that at least I have that number of good friends.
Human beings can be very ugly sometimes, no?
:) I am glad Na is progressing well. The path is still going to be hard for her as she learns more, discovers more about herself, realise what inner strength she really has inside herself. But I believe, she will make it.
And Na, he's going to be even more proud of you when you finally realise just what a strong beautiful creature you are.
Na's boyfriend died in a road accident about 2-3 weeks before Na's exams. She was shattered. I was so worried about her during that pre-exam period coz firstly, she was depressed, I was afraid she might go do something stupid. Second, I was worried about her exams, coz hey, normal beings like us only start on the real studying during this period.
Some days ago, I think it was on Tuesday, Na suddenly smsed me, saying that she wanted to meet me for lunch, could I make it? So we did, and I found out it was pretty much a case of her suddenly plunging into a deep low and just needing someone there for her, just to spend some minutes by her side.
It is good that she's opening up, in that she's got a holiday job, she's coming out of the house. During the exam period, I was trying to get her to come out, coz it's no good to coop yourself in your room; you start entertaining silly thoughts. She had been so reluctant then.
But she was the one who brought up the thing about having dinner with Nis and I.
And it was a good dinner... she wasn't as upset as when I had met her for lunch. During lunch she had been talking quite a bit about how she was feeling etc, and every now and then she'll break down in tears. But today we laughed, talked about the old days. There was once when there was a silence, and you could see that Na was zoning out, but Nis and I quickly brought her back in.
It was after dinner that we talked a bit about Na and her bf. She was the one who asked us questions, in her attempt to clear up this particular problem she had, doubts etc. And I think that is good.. that she's coming to people now. She said one thing just now which I was very happy about. She said that she knows she should be coming out more, meeting friends etc coz if she was alone at home, she'll start upsetting herself with all those thoughts.
That's progress.
I must say it's kinda draining emotionally though. I mean, I'm very glad to help her, no complaints. And I would do whatever I can for her. But it is still draining. Like during Tuesday's lunch, I was sharing some stuff with her, to illustrate a point I was trying to make... and that means you have to dig into your heart, bring up your experiences, and feel what those experiences make you feel. And, I don't know if I'm an emotional/sentimental sort of person, but during those times when I could see the pain actually on Na's face as she talked, my heart really went out to her and sometimes I reached the stage where I wanted to cry too, together with her.
Haha... I was just wondering... you know, I'm always doing this sort of stuff for friends, comforting/advising them etc... and I must stress once again: I have no complaints. It is always such a job to know that you can be a comfort/help/support to your friends. But... how many of my friends would do that for me in return if ever I needed such help, and I did approach them for it? I'm not saying it's like a, "I do for you, so you must also do in return" kind of thing. Doing something with the expectation that you'll get something in return, that's not called help. But ya, if I ever needed help... how many would do tt?
I can think of a few now... but... haha, my life has always been like that. Help, advise, comfort others... and when I'm in need, many of them disappear, only a small number remain. But I am grateful that at least I have that number of good friends.
Human beings can be very ugly sometimes, no?
:) I am glad Na is progressing well. The path is still going to be hard for her as she learns more, discovers more about herself, realise what inner strength she really has inside herself. But I believe, she will make it.
And Na, he's going to be even more proud of you when you finally realise just what a strong beautiful creature you are.
