Monday, August 14, 2006
now... i'm at this stage where it's like, i gotta decide whether i wanna continue working at the pub, or drop it...
and i'm not sure what i should do... lol, i know it's not like, some huge career move or something... but still... urgh.
and my dad's going to israel tomorrow... and i'm so worried... i pray, and believe that he will be alright, yet, i do worry; i am only human...
i resolve not to read any news relating to the entire israel-lebanon thingy til he comes back next wed.... easier to sleep at nite...
then again... it's not like i've been sleeping wonderfully the past few weeks.. it's not good sleep when you're waking up every couple of hours during the night... and no matter how much sleep i get, it just doesn't feel like full sleep even though i dun hear my alarm clock sometimes when it first rings... only hear it the second time.. that's why my alarm is set to ring twice, 10 min apart from each other, lol...
sigh... i am all talk about being an independent strong woman... yet sometimes, i could do with a long cuddle or two... just some comfort...
i think i'll go hug my bloster now...
ya, i know... i can be so pathetic sometimes..
but the question is this: would you rather know that i am every bit a human, open to little moments of weakness, capable of feeling vulnerable, able to shed tears, feel happiness, sadness, anger etc... or do you prefer to think of me as some superwoman blogger, coz then that allows you to pretend, imagine, that perhaps there are people out there who are such strong beings they are able to handle everything life throws in their way.. so you can comfort yourself, persuade yourself that maybe one day you could also stop being human, and be some super being instead?
all my life i've had people looking up to me, coming to me for advice, comfort etc... like i'm some super person who has no problems of my own, miss 'can-handle-it-all'...
and it gets really irritating sometimes, that people expect me to live up to their own build-up image of me, just for their own sake.. so they have something they think they can draw strength from, coz i'm supposed to be miss 'can-handle-it-all', remember?
well too bad... i've got news for me... i'm just every bit a human as you... except, perhaps, i bottle things up better...
but i'm slowly learning, not to keep everything inside of myself, thanks to Him... lol, sometimes i wonder if it's wise, to take away the walls i had so carefully built up around myself as a form of protection... but i guess, in the long run... it's worth it...
coz it's just so nice to beable to breathe and relax and be human... to feel... instead of always being so cautious, trying to maintain that cool icy image most of my friends think makes up me.
and i'm not sure what i should do... lol, i know it's not like, some huge career move or something... but still... urgh.
and my dad's going to israel tomorrow... and i'm so worried... i pray, and believe that he will be alright, yet, i do worry; i am only human...
i resolve not to read any news relating to the entire israel-lebanon thingy til he comes back next wed.... easier to sleep at nite...
then again... it's not like i've been sleeping wonderfully the past few weeks.. it's not good sleep when you're waking up every couple of hours during the night... and no matter how much sleep i get, it just doesn't feel like full sleep even though i dun hear my alarm clock sometimes when it first rings... only hear it the second time.. that's why my alarm is set to ring twice, 10 min apart from each other, lol...
sigh... i am all talk about being an independent strong woman... yet sometimes, i could do with a long cuddle or two... just some comfort...
i think i'll go hug my bloster now...
ya, i know... i can be so pathetic sometimes..
but the question is this: would you rather know that i am every bit a human, open to little moments of weakness, capable of feeling vulnerable, able to shed tears, feel happiness, sadness, anger etc... or do you prefer to think of me as some superwoman blogger, coz then that allows you to pretend, imagine, that perhaps there are people out there who are such strong beings they are able to handle everything life throws in their way.. so you can comfort yourself, persuade yourself that maybe one day you could also stop being human, and be some super being instead?
all my life i've had people looking up to me, coming to me for advice, comfort etc... like i'm some super person who has no problems of my own, miss 'can-handle-it-all'...
and it gets really irritating sometimes, that people expect me to live up to their own build-up image of me, just for their own sake.. so they have something they think they can draw strength from, coz i'm supposed to be miss 'can-handle-it-all', remember?
well too bad... i've got news for me... i'm just every bit a human as you... except, perhaps, i bottle things up better...
but i'm slowly learning, not to keep everything inside of myself, thanks to Him... lol, sometimes i wonder if it's wise, to take away the walls i had so carefully built up around myself as a form of protection... but i guess, in the long run... it's worth it...
coz it's just so nice to beable to breathe and relax and be human... to feel... instead of always being so cautious, trying to maintain that cool icy image most of my friends think makes up me.
