SG Fairy

So I was having dinner by my lonesome self near home and this place had Class95 blasting from its speakers. Now, I adore Class95 - the DJs are great, the music I love... but those of you familiar with that radio station will know that on weekday evenings, there's 'Love Songs with Yaz'; nice DJ, and the music can be really good... but tonight, I wasn't quite feeling it, if you know what I mean.

He's back.. spent the whole of last night with Him *big fat grin*, and of course, today. It was a totally marvellous 'I-haven't-seen-you-for-eternity-and-want-every-second-stuck-to-you' time, almost worth all the petty squabbles we had online while He was away. Almost.

But still tonight, I had to make my own way home, alone. So you'll understand why I wasn't embracing Class95 tonight as I normally would do .

It's like I was telling a good friend over the weekend. I went to Batam for the weekend with 3 close girl friends and stayed in a fantastic resort. While two of them were showering, the girl and I sat on the balcony and chatted... I was giving her advice (The wonder! Me, giving relationship advice!) and I told her how a relationship with someone who's already attached/married can be bittersweet. I wouldn't trade my relationship with Him for anything in the world, and I do love Him very much.. but it is a bittersweet sort of love. You can have such good times with Him, but yet at the same time, you got to be prepared for the lonely times.

Of course, I would probably feel suffocated in a normal vanilla relationship - just imagine being with the guy all the time! I need my own personal space and time, time with my own friends etc, I value that very much... so in a way, my current relationship allows me that. BUT, at the same time, there are the sacrifices, like having to make your own way home while He goes home to His own family... and that can be difficult, especially when you've got a need for His presence.

Still, I guess with every relationship, there's the pros and the cons... and with this relationship I'm in, the pros far far far far outweight the cons. Haha, happy camper reporting!

Just sitting around looking at my girl friends this weekend, girls who went the conventional route (with both good and not-so-good results), I did wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't met Him and did the conventional dating and all. And you know, I think I would most probably still be single, and just casually dating around, aka. having casual fucks. I joked with Him once that I would like to aim to get into bed with at least one individual from each country in the world. After He pointed out that it would mean sleeping with people from certain countries I don't really like, I changed my mind and said that I'll instead aim to sleep with at least one individual from each and every Caucasian country (yeah, I'm racist that way, so sue me).

But that's me. I'm happy with that, but there are those who want different things. Like I told my friend, whatever it is that you choose, it's got to be something that's true to yourself. And once you've decided, you cannot waver. If you decide to fall in love, by all means fall in love. If you decide just to have a fling, have a great fling, but maybe sure you guard your heart. And if midway the circumstances are such that you decide to change your mind and go another route, there's the green light. But this above all, you have to be true to yourself, like the great Baron himself said.

I hope she understood that... wouldn't like to see her get hurt.

I still remember how painful a break-up can be.. you never really do forget, right?

Anyway..

I'm nursing 7 mozzie bites on my left leg and TEN on the other.. I counted. Batam's mozzies just love me. But still, I had a great time with those girls. All those years ago back in sec school, I never thought it would be possible to retain some of those friendships and actually go for a break with them 12 years into the friendship.

We paid ladies to climb all over us, touch us in intimate parts of our bodies... ah,such wonderful relaxing massages. Then we ate.. and then we sat around talking, reminising over the good old songs of our childhoods. We sang songs by idols we were crazy about as youths, evergreen love songs we heard in the 80s, and even nursey songs, lol, and NDP songs. It was an interesting night of "Hey, how does this song go, you know, the one with the chorus 'I just called to say I love you..." and then slowly, we remember bits and pieces of the song til we've formed the entire thing and we start singing it.

We also had great neighbors. We took the same ferry to Batam with this bunch of people whom I think are about our age.. and then the same ferry transfer to the resort... no exchanges of words, just smiles.. and then, when we got to our resort cottage and went exploring the rooms and got out to the balcony, we saw they were put in the cottage next to ours, out on the balcony too. And so over balcony rails, we waved to each other, exchanged greetings, and as the evening progressed, we were singing along to songs we were listengin to over our iPod, while the other group sang along to songs they were listening to on the laptop they had. Lol, our other neighbors must have hated us. And as we approached midnight, a bit of tequila was even passed over to us girls from that group... as well as well-wishes for a good night's rest when that group stumbled to bed totally high.

I could just imagine our neighbors, listening to us shouting "Good night, girls!" and "Good night, guys!", thinking, "You're jolly well damn right it's night! Now shut up already!"

Then, the next day, we all found ourselves in the same ferry transfer back to the terminal to take us home. We cracked jokes about our nights... and we said our goodbyes to each other as we arrived in SG.

It was really very heart-warming... because let's face it, S'poreans are generally not very friendly to strangers, even if they are people from the same country. But I guess, we are all young people of the similar 'kuan', or type, and so it was easy. I mean, they could have greeted us, and if we weren't like them, we could have just bolted and shut ourselves up in our rooms. But coz we were like them, we understood their friendliness and could and wanted to reciprocrate.

Plus, we're all young and in our twenties.. I think it's easier when you are younger, to behave like that. Sigh... so that means I've effectively got 5 more years til I hit 30, and may by then become less open and relaxed towards strangers. So, lol, that means for these 5 years, I've got to travel even more!

Any excuse for travel!

Hopefully, we girls will go travelling together again this Oct... plus, we said we'll dress up for Halloween this year! That'll be a laugh.

But hey, girls... really, thank you for a really great weekend.

Blog's been quiet this week, compared to last week when I was posting almost every single day.

I've just been very tired... and stoned. Just feel like lying down somewhere and do nothing but eat, read, watch tv... the life of a slacker.

Off for a weekend break on Saturday; am really looking forward to it. Just to be away from all that's familiar. On the agenda is seafood, spa treats, and idle chats with friends very close to my heart.

Before that though, I'm heading off to the museums on Friday night. In case you didn't know, they're doing some 'Come to the museum! It's cool and funky!' sort of crap, lol. I've always loved museums, but the thing is, museums in Singapore charge a ridiculous ticket fee (especially when they're not the Musee D'Orsay for example). But because this Friday it's free entry til 2am, I'm going there, cheapskate that I am.

You might like to head down too, and maybe we'll cross paths at one of the exhibits. It's easy to recognise me - I'm the one with the Singaporean fairy wings ;)

I came across a very interesting article today. It's a long read, but very good and I urge all of you to read it here.

I wish they'll do that in schools here. But then again, kids here are probably more keen in their video games and tv to care.

On the other hand, if we were to go, "Do this, and you'll save this amount of money which can be used to buy a game," maybe that'll speak better to the hearts of sg kids and their parents.

I. Am. So. Tired.

I was bursting to put up a blog post last night while reading the papers on my way home on the train, and also had the same inspiration on my way to work this morning coz of something else in the papers.

Now, I've no energy for that sort of intellectual post.

Know what would be really really nice now? A really good loooonnnnggggg massage... especially for the small of my back - it frigging aches like hell. And my shoulders feel so stiff.

I was writing some work up just now when I suddenly looked up, and made a comment about how shitty the PR was to my handphone. As in, I actually said it out loud.

Darn, I do miss Him.

I wish they made sex dolls for women.

See... I'm rambling on..

Quite excited about tomorrow... Batman will be out! I'm not a huge Batman fan - I've watched the ones when George Clooney was the lead (coz it IS I-will-immediately-strip-for-him-if-he-wants George Cloony), the one with Catwoman and the Penguin (coz Catwoman's so sensual and sexy... and I liked her claws; Danny Devito is cute), the one with the 'old' Joker (Jack Nicholson. Enough said.. wait, He was in the same one as Catwoman right? Dun recall!), and Two-face (Tommy Lee Jones and Drew Barrymore. Enough said).

Lol.. that's almost all the previous Batman movies, right? But point is, I watched them coz of the actors/characters, and the most recent one just didn't entice me enough.

This time around, there's Heath 'I wish I knew how to quit you' Ledger. It's not just coz of Brokeback Mountain.. but that guy really was a good actor - a proper actor, not someone who became an actor just coz he's good-looking.

Gonna decide when I'm going to watch Batman... lalala

I know if I carry on further... I'll just end up typing something stupid like a nursery rhyme. So I'll end here.. gonna run some errands.

Oh, to be in Bangkok now... can just walk into any parlour for a body scrub, massage, pedicure and manicure!
I never dare walk into the Thai massage places here, no matter how 'clean' they look... coz you just never know if they wanna offer 'extra services'.
I want a proper massage, damn it!

Because He is not around and I have taken to talking to myself in the office, I thought it might be healthier to blog instead - I mean, it MUST be healthier to talk to cyberspace, right?

I was so pissed last night... mum came back with her matchmaking again, and said that I should get a bf and settle down, that just because it is a trend not to be attached, I should not follow suit, and that I should be practical.

I wasn't so much pissed about her pushing me to get a normal relationship (though she was more direct than she had ever been before), but I was pissed over her words, 'trend' and 'practical'.

I was pissed that she:
(a) Thought I am supposedly single just because of some stupid trend,
(b) That I should be practical and follow the social norm of settling down; the irony being that it is also a 'trend' of some sorts.

One would have thought that by now, she would at least know me well enough to know I am supposedly single because it is my choice and that the last thing I'll ever do, is to do something coz society dictates it, or coz it's a 'trend'.

I could find some poor bugger and be bf/gf to make my mum happy - I thought about doing that years ago - but decided not to coz it's just not the way I function, and it'll be unfair to the poor bugger.

Why can't people accept that sometimes other people do certain things just because????

I was so pissed I kept quiet last night coz I didn't trust myself to speak, and if you keep quiet long enough, the topic will die a natural death.

But urgh... I know she cares, but how can a mother think the best thing for her daughter is to follow the norm?

Friends, shoot me if I ever even think about following a norm just because it is the norm, and not what I want... i mean it, just shoot me. Then you can show this blog to the police to justify your actions and not get charged for murder.

Anyway, on to more pleasant topics.

There's a thing in the Today papers about gifted kids in SG. Education Minister Ng Eng Hen said that our Gifted Program 'aims to nurture an admirable individual, one who will be an inspiration and a pillar of strength for his or her community and also a valuable global citizen'.

Reminds me of this rather huge debate in the papers/forum section some time ago about gifted kids and integrating them into 'normal' classes so they'll be more in touch with reality.

There were all sorts of letters to the forum sections in both English papers, but the ones I remember the most were the ones by students themselves from both the gifted program and 'normal' classes. And basically, both groups of students scorned each other.

Personally, I have my doubts about the integrated classes. Once you have a label on yourself as a 'gifted student', you're basically condemned by 'normal' students and you also start getting a certain bit of arrogance. It's just the way things are - don't tell me that when you were a kid, you were in total awe of the gifted ones; you would have at least participated in a joke or two about them.

Indeed, we do need all the smart people we can get... but I'm not sure just how helpful the gifted program is in making them what Mr. Ng said they should be. There should never have been separate classes, just additional classes for the gifted ones. And now, with the sort of stereotypes the gifted program has created since its start in 1984, I'm not sure things can be undone.

Just look at our scholars. Remember all the jokes about how scholars go on to work in govt departments and start implementing policies that are not at all practical because they have no idea what the real world is all about.

You can say I am stereotyping, and maybe there's some truth in that. But you also cannot deny all that I've said is false.

The sad thing is, I don't see a solution in sight... do you?

So this guy whom I thought was a potential fuck buddy but whom I never got around to jumping into bed with because either (a) we've been so busy in our individual lives it's hard to find a time we can both meet, or (b) he doesn't want me coz he thinks I sleep around too much (yes, I know, the irony - he fucks around but his 'girls' can't; and I don't even have as active a sex life with multiple partners as he does, even if I somehow give that impression), is now attached.

When I saw his blog post, I thought, "Darn! No chance liao!"

Then I remembered, since when did being attached ever stop him from fooling around? After all, his relationship with his last gf ended coz she caught him sleeping around and couldn't take it.

So, lol, I still got chance.

Not that I really do want to get in bed with him... He's a master flirt (that's a compliment by the way), we've done the whole heavy petting thingy, and there's this hint that if he's that good with petting, he must also be awesome in bed. That said, I don't know... something tells me I shouldn't get in bed with him, and my female instincts have never failed me, so far - I just get this feeling that if I do so, it'll complicate our friendship and I'll lose a friend. And I treasure my friendship with him more than I want to see if I'm proven right that he's good in bed.

See, I'm not that much a senseless raging pack of hormones after all. I can think! :P

Kinda amusing... to think that when we were young and innocent during our sec sch days, someone is untouchable if he/she is married/swings the other way/attached. Now, being attached or married doesn't stop anyone from trying to get more entertainment outside the relationship.

Yet, it's also sad, isn't it? Relationships no longer hold the same sort of awe and, dare I say, respect. Of course the more sex the better, but at the same time, I wonder if that means people these days no longer have the ability for meaningful relationships.

Then again, I'm living proof that you can be in a meaningful relationship and also have the freedom to explore. But the difference is, He knows and He encourages it - as perverse as that might sound to the saintly ones.

Do I make sense?

Anyway, I might have a date this Thursday... lol, and He's only just gone. But I am looking forward to it.. I like mysteries, and ok, so I am a little horny. Maybe we'll end up in bed at some point, maybe we'll just have a wonderful meal and conversation, maybe we'll never want to see each other again. But the point is, it is the entire process of meeting, exploring the person, that is the real orgasm.

It's a shame if people think that you can only have explosive sex if you're actually doing the deed. It's fun, yes, but there's more than just the thrusting. I find, a mental fuck is even more interesting. That's why we have this term 'flirting'.

Flirting is not just about talking someone into bed. You don't have to have the person in bed in order to be considered a good flirt - that's not the prize. But rather, flirting is about being confident, being able to engage in conversation, entice that person... playing a game.

It's all about the game, really.

But beyond that... let's not even talk about flirting. Even if you can't flirt (and I don't think I'm that great a flirt, rather clumsy more like), I hope you at least know how to hold your own in a conversation with anyone. Having a meaningful conversation is just as great.

I was joking with a friend that instead of going to SDU, I'm looking for dates via my blog now. But really, to tell the truth, in spite of all I say, it's not really a DATE. It's more a social meeting between two people whom have been impressed with each other through what they write/read. And I think, if you can gain a friend of some sort through this, that's even better than having sex - though the sex is a bonus, lol. But ultimately, I don't really expect anything out of it, except a new friendship. A 'harmless' contact, as he put it.

And I might have either just succeeded in making him cancel Thursday, or got him looking forward to it.

HA.

But anyway, I'm not really thinking much about it. I'm just bored, or rather, putting off my work. I hate Mondays... I'm not very productive on Mondays.. I rather blog aimlessly.

Urgh... I should get to work though.. I really should.

But before I go...

She kept nothing for night, for the bed. It was all in the open, on view. she was indeed the queen of the whores, enacting possession at every instant of her life, even while she ate; and when she played cards, she did not sit impassive, her body deprived of sensuality, as other women would sit with their attention on the game. One felt from the pose of her body, the way her ass spread on the seat, that everything was still set for possession. Her breasts almost touched the table with their fullness. If she laughed, then it was the sexual laugh of a satisfied woman, the laugh of a body enjoying itself through every pore, being caressed by the whole world.

:) I got three more Anais Nin books not too long ago. I'm rationing them again.

I hope one day, someone would think that about it, that without being crude, I was THE very symbol of sensuality, just through the simplest of acts.

Because I am such a generous person, I decided to share some sex facts I read from Cleo magazine's August issue (I dun understand why they publish the issue the month before, but anyway).

1) The largest penis on record is 33cm, or 13 inches... I just thought the ladies might like to know.
- Geez, I think the longest I ever had was, at the very very most (because I dun carry a measuring tape around in my handbag) was 10 inches... sigh.
Then again, probably not many women can take in 13 inches... though I'm sure they damn well try, lol

2) Lithyphallophobia is the fear of seeing or even thinking about an erect penis.
- If you're a female with such a problem, then lady, you seriously need help.

3) The clit has about 8,000 nerve endings, and the penis only half that amount.
- Take that, men!

4) Sex can act as an antihistamine to combat asthma and hay fever.
- Those with asthma, rejoice, there is a cure!

5) The Kamasutra says that a mixture of camel's milk and honey will keep a man erect all night.
- I should have asked Z to bring me back some camel milk from her ME trip

6) Men experience an average of 4-5 erections when asleep
- Bastards!

7) The production of oestrogen from having sex makes hair shiny and skin glow.
- I told you so... see, why spend money on facials when you can have sex AND a beauty treatment at the same time?

8) Just above the female's tailbone lies a tiny vertebra that contains the sacral nerve, which sends sensations to your nether regions. Male partners should press on the sacrum with his palms when female's lying on her stomach to stimulate the nerve endings.
- *makes note in diary* I mean, I've always enjoyed feeling male hands rub the small of my back but I never knew it was THAT useful.

9) The most pleasurable time for a woman to have sex is in the middle of the menstrual cycle because you're bursting with oestrogen and testosterone, and so extra sensitive to touch.
- I told Him that, and He didn't believe me! :P It's really, THE best time to have sex... men, just get over the blood and do it already!

10) A teaspoon of semen contains about five calories
- Ladies, tell him that the next time he wants you to swallow like Zoe Tay.

11) Dec 22 has been designated Global Orgasm Day - a day to effect change in the energy field of the earth through the input of the largest possible surge of human energy. Participants are to concentrate all their thoughts on peace during or after orgasm.
- Note the date in your organiser and do your bit for world peace!

12) Massaging a man's heel just under the ankle bone is a great way of betting his lower half tingling with sensations.
- *makes note in diary*

If you want more, go buy your own copy of Cleo... there's 100 sex facts in all.

I've been very busy... lots going on at work and elsewhere.. hence, the lack of blog posts - I've a life, you know.

He had to suddenly fly off somewhere for an emergency, might be 2-3 weeks... I'm hoping it won't be any longer than that. It's obviously a little depressing, but well, shit happens... I just try to keep His spirits up, and my own as well...

On the bright side... He gave me a ring, and slid it on a finger on my left hand.

Lol.. I was thinking, should I, or should I not blog about it?!?!?! But well, I just had to tell, you know, I just had to.

Of course, if you wanna talk about legal papers etc, there ain't any. It's a gesture, a symbol, that's all... and yet, that's not really all... it's like, saying we have something that's really, not much different, save for the legal piece of paper.

I really am very happy.

Missing Him already...

Anyway, I've lots to do while He's away... there's work (there's always work :P), then I wanna catch 'Red Cliff', head down to some museums on 25 July, finishing putting together this weekend trip some girlfriends and I have decided to go on - just a 2D/1N thing in Batam with lots of massages... and a couple of other things.

Sigh.. I hope He's doing fine..

You guys have a good week ahead.. I've so much to do, I'm contemplating leaving a couple of bottles of wine in the office... for emergencies, you understand.