SG Fairy

As much as I enjoy Chinese New Year, I do also dread it a little. It's not very helpful when you're the third youngest grandchildren, and the second youngest, who is just a year younger than you, is bringing her boyfriend along to family vistations (I think the guy she brought along this year is different from the one I saw last year).

That means you start getting questions like, "Girl ah, your boyfriend leh? Why never bring him here to show us?" That's one of the worst questions to be asked to you coz on one hand while it may seem all so innocent and sincere, as though your relative has a serious interest in your life and wants to see 'the other hand', it's also a very clever way of testing the waters, to implicitly ask whether or not you're attached. And having to reply, "oh no, I do not have a boyfriend" to such a question feels worse than the question-answer is "Are you attached?", "No I am not".

I swear I have such nosy terrible relatives. I think I would have enjoyed the look on their faces if I had brought a older angmoh along and go "everyone, meet the guy who's fucking me every week!" haha...

In other terrible news, by the time I reached home after a day's visitations, my jeans feel tighter... I promise to eat less kueh from now on. Wait a minute, are my fingers crossed?

I carried my cousin's baby today... and suddenly I was thinking, I wonder if it would have felt the same way, carrying my own baby too... then I saw another cousin's kid - they can grow so much in a year - and I thought, I wonder if my kid would have grown so quickly too.... pain seared through my heart.

Yes I know, I torture myself sometimes... not that I intentionally do it... these thoughts just suddenly spring to mind...

Two more public holidays to go... I do not look forward to work on wednesday... since it's jst three bloody days til the weekend, why didn't they just declare the entire week a holiday???
Everyday in the office I look at my table calendar and think, I'm one day closer til my last day of work...

Oh, by the way, if you guys have not watched geisha, you had better.. it's good and surprisingly, Zhang Ziyi played the main character quite well. I wanna find the book. I read it once years ago and enjoyed it and now, I just wanna read it again.

And... I've an iBook now!!!!! *big grin*

I also heard that elections will happen after Budget day... who wants to bet on it?
I hope I get to vote.

i did promise i would write...

what's been doing on in my life? let's see, i handed in my resignation letter and my last day of work will be in March... family's, well, there are good times, just seems like there are more bad than good times... and suddenly i have a number of friends having problems with their other half - the bitch in me always wants to go "ha! and who was the one who was always pestering me to find a bf but is now cursing her own???"

do you know how tired i am? very tired.

and fucking chinese new year is coming along. i really just want to be on some remote island (failing which, i'll settle for curling up in bed) throughout the new year period but the ever fillal, family-oriented me has pushing my mum to make sure we go visit our uncles coz hey, my mum only sees most of her siblings once a year and i dun want it to become zero times a year. so i'm off looking for clothes, spending the weekend baking, and all that crap. went to chinatown yesterday and it was nice; cny is not cny without a trip to chinatown for me... but well, it's more quiet there this yr.

i am very aware that i'll become a jobless bum in march with no income and all that... and you do end up wondering... what is worst: not getting your paycheck, or working for a ass of a boss in an industry you do not like? sometimes i think, maybe the money is worth all the shit, then i picture myself sitting in the same office, year after year, doing the same old thing, and i get freaked. i still am idealistic enough to believe that no, i will not betray myself! i'll take lesser money than what i'm currently getting if that means i can do what i want!

problem is... that's so so so many things i want to do. so where to start?

do you know what my deepest ambition in life was when i was younger? i always wanted to be a social worker. well ok, not a social worker per se... rather, a counsellor... help troubled teens... young girls who suddenly find themselves pregnant...
i tell people, oh i wanna do this and that and the next thing... and yet deep deep down inside, there's been this small little desire to be a counsellor.

for some reason though, i ended up studying political science... partly coz i love PS, partly coz of.. i dun know... fear(?)

lol... i do still provide conselling now though... only this time i dun get paid. and honestly, i'm sick and tired of having to play aunt agony to my friends.

ok, that sounded wrong... let's re-phrase.

there's the really good close friends for whom you'll do almost anything for... if friends in that category are in shit, i'll gladly listen to them whine and stuff for ages coz they are very special to me. then you have the friends whom you're ok with and dun mind providing a shoulder for them to cry on if they need it every now and then. but it gets damn tiring when they're like, doing it, forever. and it's all so stupid... arguments over "why doesn't he care enough? why doesn't he listen to me when i'm down more?" --- coz you're a whinny bitch (of course i never say that to their faces. i just go along and agree with them that all men are jerks. - i mean, that is true, but them being good fucks kinda makes up for it, lol) and stuff like "we went out and i made special effort to dress up but he didn't even notice! and he kept looking at other girls! doesn't he appreciate me???" - gee girl, some guys can be really blind; you could dye your hair in rainbow shades and they still wun notice! and be thankful they're just looking at other girls, not fucking them. even if they end up cheating on you, what do you expect? they're guys! even the most devoted man in the entire world will still fall when confronted with a totally babelicious babe in bed with her legs spread and the 'fuck me' look - that's life, live with it, otherwise go be a nun.

and my family.. ha... i'm just the eldest daughter, not the bloody head of the family!
you know something is really wrong when you start thinking... it might be nice to book a hotel room for a night, instead of going home. i mean, like i said, we have good times. like yesterday, i had a lovely time with my mum in chinatown, eating the real 'must-wait-twenty-minutes' type of claypot rice, walking around... i just dun like the off-loading of problems, worries, onto me. there's a limit.

speaking of chinatown... i know it's totally not related to my own whines... but i've suddenly got the urge to eat turtle soup. i saw it yesterday at the hawker centre and i would have ordered it if we hadn't already gotten the claypot rice. i miss turtle soup, a lot!

hungry...

sigh, and i was going to write a post about how NS and the cowardly dodgers.

then again, this is my bloody blog and i'll damn well use it to vent frustration if i want to. so you can fuck off if you dun like what you read.

going to fix myself a gin.

Ya okay, so it has been a long while. But I have been really busy. I'm now handling 4 bloody searches... :P

I just wanted to drop in, in case there are people out there wondering if I am still alive or not. Yes, good (or bad, depending on how you feel about me) news, I am still well and kicking.
Still the same Sgfairy... except... oh, I dyed my hair! Was supposed to be purple, but now the colour is changing, a bit of a reddish tint to it. I've never had any red sahes, always brown.. so it's kinda weird, but interesting. I'll wait til the weekend - by then the color should have settled, and then I'm thinking of doing some very simple brown highlights...

I promise I'll blog this weekend, ok?

I do miss SgFairy quite a bit...

I spent most of Monday (what was left of it, considering that I finally crawled out of bed at 2pm) sighing.

I was not looking forward to work the next day.

I think it's a really bad sign when you start having weird nightmares of your boss haunting you, yelling, "What's the status of this search? Have you contacted so-and-so yet? Did you go check that out?" and blah blah blah.

I dread work coz of my hateful boss.

But when I got to work, my colleague told me the boss is extending his holiday for another WHOLE week!!!!!!

Hahaha.... peace and quiet til Friday! No stupid pathetic idiotic pompous, downright rude, jackass of a boss to turn every day I start out well into living hell.

Of course I still have to do my work and stuff... but at least he is not physically nearby...

Unfortunately, the advance of technoology means that he can still check his email, and get me to call him... I had to do that yesterday and endure him scolding me for not listening to his instructions that he had wanted X-type of companies, when in actual fact, he never ever once mentioned it before - I know, I save all my MSN chats with him and make notes for every meeting.
It's just gotten to the point where I find it totally draining and pointless to argue with him.
He has a bad memory, no respect and appreciation for my work... urgh!

Hehehe... my colleagues and I are going to savour every boss-free minute...

Yes yes I know... it's been a while since I last blogged... but I do have a life outside of blogging..

I did think about logging in and sending a nice Christmas greeting last weekend, or post a thoughtful piece about the 1 yr aniversary of the tsunami... I guess basically what I wanted to say was to remind everyone that presents, food and alcohol do not constitute Christmas. Rather, Jesus and love, and family and friends are what make Christmas meaningful...

But I was very busy and didn't bother.

Then during the week I was going to like, post an update or something... but I was once again too busy... so yes I did not bother.

At least I'm in time now to still be able to wish you all a happy 2006.

I did not do anything special to usher in the new year. I only spent an evening with some old friends on friday.... gathering at a friend's place.. we catered some food... and of course there were drinks. I hadn't been feeling well the entire day and had planned to just drop the logcake, say hi, eat a little, then go home to crash in bed. But I guess with all the good company.... my headachel sorta faded away... and I sat around with friends, talked, drank a hell lot of alcohol... I finally called for a cab at like, 4am in the morning.

That was really, my only new year highlight. It wasn't like a big bombastic affair... it was small, nice and cosy.... it's funny you know... this bunch constitutes my jc friends... and over the years, the conversation topics change...

I know this is going to sound really pompous... but I felt all grown up sitting around a table, the wine and gin and whatever other poison bottles in the centre... chocolate, chips, nuts for snacks... and having old friends around... sometimes we actually talked sensible stuff - our career plans, business proposals, our desire to marry/not marry.... and other times the alcohol would get to us and we'll be laughing over lame pick-up lines, penis lengths etc...

Anyway...

Ya... here's wishing you all a lovely new year. I'm not going to talk about resolutions, coz really, resolution-making is kinda like leaving the cookies and milk out for Santa Claus.... but ya, just wishes for you all to have a good year ahead...