Sunday, March 05, 2006
There's so much I wanna write about... I don't know where to start.
All around me I see chaos happening, all these changes going on in the lives of my friends. There's the career moves going on for some of us, myself included. Then there's the friends who are having things going on in their love relationships. You also have those going through phases in their lives, and hence being very emotional and all that...
And here I am, sitting calmly in the center, watching it all... I wish I could help, but there's really not much I can do.
It's the period when you've just entered adulthood. You've stepped out into the 'real world', where you have to be independent now, earn and spend your own money, and start to really seriously think of concrete plans for your future. You have to be responsible now. And coz it's all new, people stumble along the way... some fall down and quickly get up, others have difficulty continuing.
It's almost like the teenage years all over again. Only now you have the money to go buy your own booze when you're depressed.
I heard that an old friend of mine apparently tried to kill herself coz of some bgr problems. She cut herself using a razor. For goodness sake, use a proper knife if you wanna die.
I felt a sense of deja vu when I heard the news. On one hand I was angry with her for being so silly. Yet I kept quiet coz I felt I did not have the right to comment. I rememebered all those times in the past when I would hold a razor to my wrist, not to kill myself, but just to make cuts. Even now, after all these years, I can almost feel the great sudden burst, the release of emotional pain as you feel the sharp physical pain of the razor slicing through skin. I had been addicted to that feeling; it had been my 'quick fix'. And it had taken a while for me to get over it. That's why I can understand how people can take sexual pleasure in cutting, as weird a means as it may seem.
I felt so helpless when I heard the news about that friend. Because I knew it'll be hard to convince her that it's not the way to escape.
Anywayz... oh well...
Going off to bed soon... I wonder if He's sleeping well now... I hope He gets beter soon...
All around me I see chaos happening, all these changes going on in the lives of my friends. There's the career moves going on for some of us, myself included. Then there's the friends who are having things going on in their love relationships. You also have those going through phases in their lives, and hence being very emotional and all that...
And here I am, sitting calmly in the center, watching it all... I wish I could help, but there's really not much I can do.
It's the period when you've just entered adulthood. You've stepped out into the 'real world', where you have to be independent now, earn and spend your own money, and start to really seriously think of concrete plans for your future. You have to be responsible now. And coz it's all new, people stumble along the way... some fall down and quickly get up, others have difficulty continuing.
It's almost like the teenage years all over again. Only now you have the money to go buy your own booze when you're depressed.
I heard that an old friend of mine apparently tried to kill herself coz of some bgr problems. She cut herself using a razor. For goodness sake, use a proper knife if you wanna die.
I felt a sense of deja vu when I heard the news. On one hand I was angry with her for being so silly. Yet I kept quiet coz I felt I did not have the right to comment. I rememebered all those times in the past when I would hold a razor to my wrist, not to kill myself, but just to make cuts. Even now, after all these years, I can almost feel the great sudden burst, the release of emotional pain as you feel the sharp physical pain of the razor slicing through skin. I had been addicted to that feeling; it had been my 'quick fix'. And it had taken a while for me to get over it. That's why I can understand how people can take sexual pleasure in cutting, as weird a means as it may seem.
I felt so helpless when I heard the news about that friend. Because I knew it'll be hard to convince her that it's not the way to escape.
Anywayz... oh well...
Going off to bed soon... I wonder if He's sleeping well now... I hope He gets beter soon...
